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MyDearestPeanut

Registered:
Posts: 22
 #1 
I've just joined this group because I had to put my precious little dog of 13 years to sleep on Saturday, July 5.  I'm so hearbroken I don't know what to do.  The pain is unbearable, I feel as if my insides are being torn out and that I can't go through this life without her.  I've suffered the loss of other dear pets in the past but this is the worst.  She was all I had and the only thing I want is to be able to hold her and kiss her and love her again.  Nothing else, just that.  I'm in torment without her and I think I'm going to go mad with grief.  Can someone please help?

Thank you,
Marie
Peanut's Mommy
 
GSDMOM

Registered:
Posts: 14
 #2 
Marie,
I feel your pain.  I am soooooo sorry for the lose of Peanut.  I lost my beloved Petra one year ago today. I can tell you it hurts just as much today as it did one year ago.  I find that keeping her and her mommy dog Reba's pictures near by eases the pain.  I also have their ashes and toys near by as well.  I can tell you loved your beloved baby more then anything, Peanut knows this as well.
Take Care
Lisa
HerbiesMom

Registered:
Posts: 196
 #3 
I'm so sorry you lost your baby.  You've come to the right place.  It is so hard to have to say goodbye, even though we know we will face that horrible day when we first bring them into our homes and into our hearts.  Photographs just aren't enough when they are gone.

I've lost several pets, and each one is special and very well-loved.  Right now, your loss is so new and raw.  Grief is a horrible thing -- the more we loved them, the more it seems to hurt.  I believe it really is like losing a child.  I hope you have loved ones and friends you can talk to.  Sometimes others don't understand how hard it is to lose a pet -- It's not like when a human family member dies and people are there to help us grieve and to take care of us in our time of need.

Cry, scream -- do whatever it takes.  I know I did.  And this site helps when I need to express my grief because everyone here knows exactly what it is like.  All of us understand and we share your pain.

You took away your dog's pain out of love.  When I had to put my cat, Herbie to sleep in February, I thought of it as my taking the pain away, and I would carry that pain myself in the form of grief.  That way, I didn't think of it as a burden, but as if I was carrying his burden so he would no longer have to.

It is so hard and I wish I had some magic words but I don't.  it will just take time.  Take care of yourself as you know she would want you to.  She is still with you! 

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Herbie and Belle's Mom
MaxsMom

Registered:
Posts: 258
 #4 
Dear Marie,
I am so very sorry for your loss of your beloved Peanut.  It is overwhelmingly difficult to allow our precious little friends to go on ahead of us, but sometimes it is the kindest decision we can make.  Please know that you did the very best thing for your little one, and that she is restored to vitality and good health at the Rainbow Bridge.  My heart goes out to you as you deal with the pain that this brings.  I am glad that you decided to join us here ~ we have all gone through what you are suffering now and you will find much understanding and support.  I had to make the same decision for my little ShihTzu, Max, back in December and I do know how hard it is.  Max was my heart dog, as it sounds like Peanut was yours, and I miss him every day.   This site has been very important and so helpful in getting me through the grief.

The special and deep connection that you so obviously have with your girl will never end.  I know that it is hard to be comforted by this when it is still so very fresh, but she will always be there with you - right by your side and in your heart.  I know that right now this doesn't stop the longing that you feel to physically hold her - I don't think that ever goes away - but as time passes and you sense her with you, I hope that you do feel some peace.

Both you and your sweet Peanut are in my prayers tonight.  Please come back and tell us more about your girl when you feel able.

Warm Hugs and Healing Wishes,
MaxsMom~Joanne
Nancee

Registered:
Posts: 1,328
 #5 
Marie-
Sorry about your Peanut. It's very normal to feel what you're feeling. It sounds like you and Peanut had such a very close bond and now it's a different bond--a spritual one--but still a bond.
He still loves you and you love him. Nothing can change that. He might come to you through a dream or another way. They frequently do--to comfort.
Take care.
lisa1

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #6 
Dear Peanut's Mommy,

You were the best mommy to Peanut and I'm sure that she let you know that in many ways big and small.

I am so sorry for your loss and the pain it has caused you.  I hope that you might consider the chat room where there are others who understand your pain and can help you get through this rough time. I have had to put to sleep 2 other pets before my dear Stinky 1 1/2 weeks ago.  It was a loss like no other and I found such love and support in the chat room.

My thoughts and prayers go to you and to Peanut.  She was one lucky little dog.

Best,

~lisa.
Mary

Registered:
Posts: 1,400
 #7 
Dear Peanuts Mom:

I am so very sorry for your loss of Peanuts.  I know your pain in overwhelming. I only wish I could be there to help you.   Everyone here understands  what you are going through
 and we are here for you.

 The pain you are feeling is because of the very deep love you shared with your precious peanuts. Your pain will ease in time and you will always have Peanuts close to your heart. 

Please try to think of all the wonderful times you spent with Peanuts and how much you loved each other.   I lost my sweetheart Meister on June 6, 2008 and I know the feeling of emptiness and heartbreak to this day.

Keep Peanuts close to you and when the time is right please send stories and pictures of your beloved Peanuts.

I will pray for you and Peanuts.

Mary
Meisters Mom  
WooWooWoo

Registered:
Posts: 5,100
 #8 
Dearest Marie,

I am so very sorry to hear you have lost your beloved Peanut.  It is so unbearably painful at the beginning.  If there were something I could do to ease your pain, I would do it in a heartbeat.  I can tell you when I lost my beloved little 16 year old terrier, Betsy, this past January, I felt so much despair.  I had never know that kind of pain in my life.  I have two other dogs, but I have no human children.  Losing her, to me, felt as if I had lost a child.  I posted here on this site almost nonstop for the first few weeks, and it helped me tremendously.  The people here let me know I was not alone.  They shared their stories.  They were so kind and compassionate.   They encouraged me to come here as often as I felt the need.  Crying, talking to Betsy, talking to my friends and family about her, and setting up a little memorial for her in my home also helped me. 

When you feel up to it, and if you feel it will help you, please tell us more about your precious Peanut.   We will be here for you.   You do not have to go through this alone.

Sending hugs,
Melissa


MyDearestPeanut

Registered:
Posts: 22
 #9 
Oh, thank you all so much for responding so quickly.  And thank you for your prayers.  I'm afraid I've turned away from God during this time because I've been told that animals don't have souls and I'm so mad at Him for that!  If I knew without a doubt that my dearest baby was in Heaven, I'm sure that would bring me a measure of peace.  As it is, I'm hoping the theologians are wrong and that she's waiting for me.  I'd ask my parish priest but I'm afraid of what his answer will be.  It doesn't make sense that God would do this to us knowing how much we suffer.  I'm trying to hope for the best but wish there was a way to know for certain.

Our little ones are so innocent; they're pure love and joy.  I miss her so much.  I can't stop thinking about her.  I look at her pictures and I ache to touch her again.  I've got her toys with me and have even taken to kissing the dirty, smelly old things.  I don't care if they have germs.  I just want my baby back.

I didn't think it would help coming here but I've been surprised that I feel a tiny bit better knowing that others feel the same way about their beloveds, that I'm not alone in my grief.  Thank you all so much.

It's so hard getting into bed without her.  Night has fallen here and I dread the thought of another night without feeling her little baby body next to mine.  I'll try to post again soon.

Many thanks and my heart goes out to all of you. 

Marie
Peanut's Mommy

Becky57

Registered:
Posts: 657
 #10 

Marie, I am so very sorry for your loss.  My dog was all I had in the world too.  I lost her over three months ago, and in those first weeks, I knew I was losing my mind.  The grief is overwhelming.  I don't have any family so I would come here.  It is truly the worst thing that has ever happened to me and many people on here agree.  I am just so very sorry, but come back here often especially if you have no one to talk to everyday.

MaxsMom

Registered:
Posts: 258
 #11 
Dear Marie,
I just read your last post and saw what you wrote about the "theological" perspective on animals and the hereafter.  I, too, went through a very dark period some months back, feeling hopeless of ever seeing Max again because I feared that he would not be in the afterlife because he was an animal (and therefore without a soul).  Many people responded to that post and it really put my mind at ease.  In fact, I learned that in 1990, Pope John Paul declared that animals DO in fact go to heaven.  If you search on this site for subjects like "Do dogs go to heaven?" you will find links to more information about the Pope's public address in which he made that statement, and also many other compelling arguments supporting the concept of animals in the hereafter, or heaven.  I hope that someone else will respond to your post with that info. 

Marie, I believe that you will see your little Peanut again.  You will know when one day she sends you a sign, which she undoubtedly will. Meanwhile, keep coming here to share and to read others' posts.  We will be here for you.

Peace and Hugs,
MaxsMom~Joanne
Gruntsmomforever

Registered:
Posts: 699
 #12 
Dear Marie,

I am so very, very sorry you lost your Beloved little Peanut - I ache for you because I know what you are going through and how devastated you are.  There is little comfort when our loss is so new, perhaps only in knowing that you are not alone, and that your pain is familiar to others.  Believe me, it is very familiar.  My Beloved Boxer Boy, Grunt was put to sleep in February and I relive that time often, still am not used to his not being with me.  I've never loved another sentient being more.

There are discussions on this board about the afterlife, as well as recommended books that might help you and be a comfort to you.  As far as animals not having souls, I disagree - having looked into my boy's eyes many, many times during his life, I saw something almost sacred there that would move me to tears.  I don't know what it was, but I believe he along with all of our babies, went to a place of eternal love, and that we will see them again. 

I keep you in my prayers, and say a prayer for your little girl, Peanut, your little treasure, who will always be with you.

Hugs,
Katharine, Grunt's Mom Forever
 
MrMeowgy

Registered:
Posts: 763
 #13 
Dear Marie, I am so very sorry for the loss of your darling Peanut. Your loss is so new I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal. It was 4 months yesterday that my beloved Mr. Meowgy left for the bridge and I am still in deep sorrow. I just can't believe my boy is gone. I do believe that all living things have spirits and the spirit of our beloved babies stays near us. I also believe they try to communicate with us and if the circumstances are right they can. Several of my family members and I have had little visits from Mr. Meowgy. We really believe this. Please keep an open mind, open ears and open eyes. If she can I am sure your dear Peanut will send you a sign.
A while back Spooky Wolf posted a thread titled "Why weren't we told?". I believe it now is on page 4 of the message board. It states that Pope John Paul II said animals DO have souls. Please try to find it and read it. It may help.
I have found great comfort in this site and all the wonderful people here. Everyone does understand the pain. I talk to my dear Mr. M and I sing to him. I kept all his things. I have a little memorial set up with pictures, etc. It took 14 weeks but I finally planted a beautiful little garden over his grave and have the most beautiful angel statue with baby animals around her.  The Monday night candle ceremony is a tremendous help. In time I hope you are able to find little things that bring you comfort.
Again I am so sorry for your loss.
 Donna, Mr. Meowgy's mom
aurichwolf

Registered:
Posts: 555
 #14 
Dearest Marie,
 
Welcome to a loving caring family.
You will find many hearts who will reach out to you here.
Take the hand of all who offer you comfort and hope and know that you can lean on us till one day you can stand on your own.
Even then when waves of sorrow come over you there will always be someone to hold you up and comfort you.
 
Your loss is so fresh and the wound is so deep.
I know just how awful that feeling of emptiness is and how you long to hold your baby again.
We have all felt that and so we understand it well.
I am so glad you found us here.
I've always felt our babies lead us here so while they are all healthy and happy at Rainbow Bridge and playing together they know that we will all be helping each other here through the pain and grief.
 
You mentioned being told that animals don't have souls and I wanted to post the link here to a page on this site which has Biblical references to animals being in heaven.
You will find several links on the page below.
 
http://www.petloss.com/scriptur.htm
 
I Hope this will be of some help to you and anyone else who may not have known this is on the pet loss site.
 
I know your heart is broken now but try to remember that your baby like all of ours was a loan for a while and during the time they were with us they taught us so many wonderful things.
When they are called home we have to keep all the life lessons they taught us deep in our hearts and try to use them in the future.
That is just one way we can memorialize them and keep their memory alive.
When my Aurich went on to Rainbow Bridge I decided that all I would do in the future would be to honor him.
I knew that I wanted him to be as proud of me as I was of him.
Each day I pray that I can fulfill that pledge and that he can look down on me and smile.
I also know that he guides my every foot step along this path of life and that one day he will guide me home to where he waits for me.
All of our babies become our guardian angels and they each guide us through life.
Just look beyond the rainbow and listen with your heart and your soul will feel your baby's presence.
 
May you find peace of heart,
AurichWolf
Kathy

 

I COME TO YOU

 

I come to you in spring time birth.

In raindrops gentle on your face.

When Flowers sweet will blanket earth.

You feel me in our special place

 

I come to you in dreams so real.

Reach out and touch the love I bring.

I come to you in summertime.

In sunshine warm and birds that sing.

 

I come to you in falling leaves.

In breezes soft that whisper love.

In memories  your heart receives.

The gifts I send you from above.

 

I come to you in winter snow.

Falling softly from the sky.

In embers of the firelight's glow.

We are together you and I.

 

In every season of each year.

I come to bring you peace of heart.

I wipe away each single tear.

To tell you we are not apart.

 

For in each source of beauty sweet.

You will feel me always near.

When time arrives for us to meet.

You will find me waiting here.

 

 ©~ AurichWolf aka Katie~2008~

 

 

 
Spazziekat

Registered:
Posts: 13
 #15 
Marie,

     I am grieving too.  This site and everyone on here have helped me tremendously.  It does help to have someone grieve with you, even if it's over miles and miles.  I completely believe that our babies go to Heaven.  How can someone we've loved SO MUCH, not be loved even more so by God?  Of course He welcomes them back home.  He loves them so much too!  I'm going to be rubbing my Freckles' belly when I go home to Heaven, and you're going to be kissing your Peanuts' nose too! 

                    God love you dear and I know He loves Peanut!
                                           Jodi a.k.a. Spazziekat
CuUladhwolf

Registered:
Posts: 132
 #16 
 
Dear Marie,
 
So very sorry for your loss, but please know each and everyone of us here have been where you know are, if feela lijke your heart has been ripped out from your chest you are numb with pain at times its an effort to breath,, but believe me you will come out the other side , that doesn't mean you'll ever get over losing peanut ,because you won't you will always long for him its like any mother that has lost a child it doesn't matter a bit that for some of us  the children have a furcoat rather than skin the pain is the same,

But in time its the memories that Peanut has left behind that will get you through the worse days ,and one day you will smile at the mention of peanuts name instead of crying, and thats because even after they leave us they manage to weave their magic they leave us the gift of memories that we shared over many years.
 
But for now when things are too much for you ,just come into petloss chat you don't have to talk ,you may just want to listen, either way you will find many caring people that are going through the same thing and it can help just knowing that you are not alone.
Cu' Uladhwolf
My precious boys   
kdclairmo

Registered:
Posts: 540
 #17 
Dear Marie, I saw your post and just had to respond to you because I so feel your pain and your heartbreak over losing your precious Peanut.  We have alot in common as I lost my little 17 year old beagle, Peanut over a year ago and I am still suffering so much from her loss and I achefor her and think of her ever single day still.  We too had to make that decision to put her to sleep and I have spent the last year regretting it, thinking maybe we should have waited a bit longer before doing it, to just have a few more days with her, etc. But as time goes by I am slowly beginning to realize that she had to have been suffering to some degree and in pain as she could no longer do all the things she did when she was younger and feeling good and I would never ever ever want my baby to be in pain and certainly not because of me and my selfishness.  It is truly amazing these bonds that we make with our precious furbabies, these soulful one of a kind connections.  I have had dogs my entire life but never have I been as connected with on as I was with my Peanut. She was my baby and my everything and even when times got pretty bad everything always seemed a bit better because I knew I had her curled up by my side. I too once read that Priests didn't think that animals have souls thus they do not go to Heaven, however since being on these website and even in the paper I have read things to the contrary that that is not the case and that they do believe that such sweet selfless creatures do have souls and are received up in Heaven.  Last night my husband called me outside to see this most beautfiul Rainbow in the sky....I can't tell you the last time I have seen one, years and years maybe. Anyway when I saw that I just stared up into the beautiful colors and tried to imagine my sweet girl P up there running in the fields with her big brown beagle ears flapping in the breeze and it brought a smile to my face and comfort and yes of course a few tears as well. Again I am so sorry for your loss of Peanut and believe me I know how hard those first few weeks are of adjusting to this new life without your beloved friend in it. Be kind to yourself and know that we all care and know what you are going thru.

Hugs
Karen

JerryC

Registered:
Posts: 1,569
 #18 
Marie;
As you have seen you have come to the right place. Many caring, wonderful people have already reached out to you during this difficult time. They have helped us with our loss, Peaches who went to the bridge on 05/21/08. I am sorry for your loss, they become so entwined in our lives while they are here and after they go we are left to try and cope with our loss. I like you have traveled this road before, many times, but Peaches, our Chihuahua, has been by far the hardest one. I think that there will always be that one special companion and soul mate in our lives and Peaches was mine. Rest assured you did the right thing, you gave your Peanut a precious gift of love and she will and has loved you for it. She is now in a body of her youth, running free with many new fur babies. She will always be with you as they are with us........in your heart. Just whisper her name and she will be with you. God Bless.--------Jerry in Oklahoma.
kittiekat

Registered:
Posts: 215
 #19 
Marie,

I'm so sorry for your loss of Peanut.  I lost my Smokey on July 3 and his sister 2 years ago.  This weekend was so horrible, but I was able to make it through with the help of this group.  They have been wonderful.  I have also wrestled with the "do pets go to heaven" question.  Since Samantha's passing 2 years ago, I have been reading books about pets in heaven and sometimes still doubt.  But scripture definitely addresses animals and that they will be with us.  I just ordered a book titled, "Who Says Pets Go To Heaven" by Nikki Shanhan (sp?).  She has put together a collection of well respected theologins' beliefs about pets and animals in heaven.  If I remember correctly 60 different commentaries.  I can't wait to read it. 

Hang in there, we are all here with you and grieving with you.  I bet my Smokey welcomed your Peanut with open paws on Saturday.  Maybe they're even chasing each other right now!

Marsha
MyDearestPeanut

Registered:
Posts: 22
 #20 
Thank you doesn't seem adequate for all the warmth and compassion I've received here.  As I read your messages and look at the pictures of your beautiful, beautiful babies my heart breaks all over again for each one of you.  I keep telling myself that if you can somehow manage to go on and live with your pain, then it's possible for me also.  This group is truly a God send. 

Had to pull myself together yesterday because I had some appointments to keep.  Peanut never left my thoughts but I had to reign in the tears.  Think I'm making up for it today.  Don't know what to do with that horrible longing for her that comes from deep inside.  Part of me doesn't want it to go away because I'm afraid I'll forget about her but it's torture.  I know you've all felt the same way and still do.

Still struggling with the Heaven question.  I saw a thread on that and should probably post there, as well.  It just seems so cruel that we should have to question it at all.

Don't know what else to say right now, I'm sorry.  Just can't stop thinking about her.  My sincere thanks to you.

Marie

mw0263

Registered:
Posts: 139
 #21 
Dear Marie,

I just had to respond to your post because we both share July 5th, you see I had to put my Comet to sleep on May 25, 2008.  At the time I thought it was the most painful day of my life until July 5th.  July 5th was my girl's birthday and although we have never met or even knew each other on that day you and I shared our thoughts, tears, heartache and love for our beloved pets.  I am so sorry that you must endure this pain, it's a pain like no other I have felt like my very soul has been ripped out from deep inside and that there is no way to repair that but only that I must learn to live (somehow) with it.  Anyway, I just wanted you to know that on that day when shedding tears for my girl I also had in my mind that unfortunately someone somewhere was probably going through the pain that I suffered only 6 weeks earlier so you see that on July 5th you and your beloved Peanut were on my mind even though neither one of us knew it.

One thing that I know has comforted me regarding the afterlife of our beloved pets are the signs that I receive from my girl.  I know that they come from her because she knows of the pain that I am in so look for the signs, I know that you will receive them you just have to keep your heart open for them.  Another thing that I often think is that in an afterlife where I am suppose to be happy for ever and want for nothing my Comet will be there because without her there it wouldn't be heaven something would be missing and it wouldn't be the peaceful, loving, caring place that I've been taught that it will be so she must be there.

You have come to the right place and I am happy that you found this site because there are a lot of caring people here that have gone through and feel the same way that you do now and in the future.  This site is truly a God-send and the people here are wonderful.  I hope you can find some peace soon and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Margaret
MyDearestPeanut

Registered:
Posts: 22
 #22 
Thank you, Margaret, you're very sweet to have written.  And thank you for thinking of me and Peanut last Saturday, especially since it was such a painful day for you.  I'm so sorry about your sweet Comet.  My heart goes out to you as I hear the pain in your words.

It's been one week today and I still can't believe she's gone.  The house is so empty without her and every time I open the front door to come in, for a fleeting moment, I still expect to see her.  I'm sure it's the same for you. 

I'm glad you've gotten signs from your dear one.  I keep hoping for some myself.  I'm thinking that perhaps one will come when I've calmed down a little more and be more aware of what's going on around me instead of walking around in this bubble of grief.

Take good care, Margaret, and know that my thoughts and prayers are with you also.

Marie
Peanut's Mommy
 


Loudpurring

Registered:
Posts: 774
 #23 
Animals have to have a soul. There is no way they could not. Not if people have a soul. I don't think there is any way to know for sure about anything. But I do know that if people have a soul so do animals.
 
There was an old twilight zone episode where An old man and his dog are in the woods and realize they have died. There is a sharp dressed fast talking man that tells the old man that if he wants to go to heaven he must leave the dog behind. The old man won't leave his dog and waits. Then he sees a gate in the distance he walks through with his dog and he is in heaven. The other guy who told him dogs couldn't go to heaven was the devil trying to get him into hell, but animals were not allowed in hell.
\
That is the best I can remember it Isaw it along time ago like 30 years or OMG more.
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