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Posts: 2
I lost my sweet boy Bruschi two days ago and I’m completely overwhelmed with guilt, sadness and emptiness. I had him for 12 years of my adult life. I got him when I was 20 and was just learning to take care of myself. He was more than a companion to me. We shared a special bond that even my now husband was jealous of. I used to joke I loved Bruschi more, but I really did. I have dealt with a lot of grief in my life. Losing parents, and then grandparents who were guardians, and friends. Nothing has hit me like this did!

Friday night he was playing fetch with me rolling around in the grass. I woke up Saturday to what I thought was a very sick dog. I rushed him right to the vet expecting them to give me the bland diet speech and maybe some type of medicine. When they told me I needed to go to the animal hospital I was still very much in denial then. When we got there he would not get out of the car. It’s like he knew he was going there to die and he wasn’t ready. Instead of taking the time to cuddle him and tell him how much he means to me I lifted him out of the car and brought him in. In my mind they were going to fix him and I needed to get him seen immediately. I figured in some time I would be renturning home with my beloved friend.

When I brought him into the room they brought him right out back. Then came back to tell me that they had given him some pain medication and a sedative. They told me that he had been internally bleeding and he had a large mass on his spleen. They offered surgery, a blood transfusion and chemo, but he could still have cancer in other organs and may not make it through surgery.. It all seemed like so much to put an already old dog through and I made the decision based on Bruschi’s best interest to put him down.

Now I am having all the typical feelings like I should’ve played with him more I should’ve spent time telling him how much he meant to me. What I would give for just one day!

Posts: 2
Im so very sorry for your loss, your experience is so similar to mine. 

It's been just over 1 month since I had no good options but to send my big black beautiful Labrador named Quazar over the rainbow bridge. It was very unexpected and has left my heart and soul broken in a million pieces. He was my best friend, loyal companion, confidant, furry soulmate and my everything. I still feel like it happened yesterday, time seems to be standing still. He passed from a heart hemangiosarcoma that ruptured filling the pericardium sac arround the heart with blood. The first vet we saw failed him and thought he bad aspiration pneumonia, his breathing rate was rapid and he wasn't able to get up, the vet gave him lots of treatment and we were sent home. He only cared about money and getting out of the clinic by closing time. I'm so very disappointed. The emergency clinic we ended up at diagnosed him within minutes. I was not ready for this diagnosis. They advised that we could try draining the fluid but that he could pass away during the procedure. This may have provided us with hours to days with him. There was no cure but we could have had surgery, followed by chemo and radiation that could provide on average maybe a few months together if the treatment didnt take his life first. This treatment plan did not seem fair to my boy. We sent him over the rainbow bridge and my heart has been broken ever since. I am doubting my decision, feeling like maybe we should of atleast tried to treat him. I don't like going over the woulda shoulda game in my head everyday. I hope I did right by him, i miss him more then anything. I am grateful for our time together, he was 2 weeks shy of his 13th birthday. I just don't know how to start healing from this devastating experience either.

I feel just like you do, i should have cuddled him more that day, played with him more the weeks before, studied every inch of him so that I could engrave it into memory, I feel such guilt and remorse , its killing me inside. 

Watching my Quazar struggle to breathe and get up hurt so much, i helped him cross the rainbow bridge so fast, now i regret not taking more time with him, to tell him i loved him a couple hundred more time, its gnawing away at my heart,

Like you ive lost family and friends, but this is way worse, and like you in secret i did love him more then anyone else even my husband, he was my everything. I also got my boy when i was in my early twenties. He was such a big part of my life, its awful without him.

I wish i had words of wisdom and comfort, but at this point its still so fresh, know that your not alone, and that we both made the right decision when you look at the facts, even though our hearts dont agree, I hope we both can find peace one day. Sending you big hugs, and positive energy your way. 

Posts: 1,199
I'm so very sorry your Bruschi is no longer with you and that he passed away from cancer. I too had to make the decision to put one of my pets to sleep due to cancer. In my situation, my kitty beloved Squeeker was diagnosed with cancer during what I thought was just a routine vet visit to get him approved for a dental procedure. It turned out that he did not need a dental but instead had a tumor under the base of his tongue and had squamous cell carcinoma. It was a complete shock because he'd just had a clean bill of health from his semi-annual exam just a couple of months ago.

Squeeker and I had a couple more months together after his diagnosis, and when I made the appointment to have somebody come to my place to have him PTS, I knew it was the right decision. But it still hurt like hell to see what was once a lively, vibrant, health cat decline to the point where he was so sick and frail and no longer enjoyed the things he used to love to do in just a matter of nearly 3 months. And when his heart stopped beating, I knew he was no longer suffering but it was so difficult to go on without him by my side.

You are right - cancer dose stink. It is not fair. It seems to take the best ones way too early and we are left to pick up the pieces and go on without them in our lives. What we wouldn't give to spend one more day with them, to play with them one more time, to hold them and look into their eyes and tell them we love them just one more time...

Hugs to you as you go through this difficult time...

- Kelly
Angel Blackie's mom
Angel Squeeker's mom
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