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Stephelen

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Posts: 1
 #1 
2 days ago I had my precious cat 14 year old Bramble put to sleep. Everything is just a haze, and I do not know what to do.
It all started about 4months ago. We noticed he had a really snotty nose on one side and I insisted on taking him to the vet. They gave me some pills and said to come back if it does not improve. It did a bit but as soon as the course stopped it came back. Took him back and was offered an investigative procedure to see if there was anything stuck up there. We said we'd have a think as the pills had helped a bit, again as soon as the course of tablets stopped it all started again. As this was also effecting his eating we wanted to do it quickly. They gave us an appointment for a week later, they did an x-ray and looked into his nose where they came across what they said was a nasal polyp. ( Which looked innocent enough )The vet said she couldn't remove it or take a biopsy but he was to have a course of steroids, which would hopefully help. We got him home and his nose was very bloody (both sides) from the procedure but he seemed fine in himself. A few days later I phone the vet to say Bramble still wasn't eating properly and he was still bunged up so she suggested upping the dose of steroids and if no improvement we should make an appointment to see her. Also we may like to consider a referral to a specialist who may have more luck removing the polyp. As there was no improvement and the tablets had finished we took him back to the vets to see if anything could be done as he wasn' t eating still and all blocked up both sides now. She said she thought the tumor had spread across both nostrils and he couldn't smell his food and suggested a few things to help. (This was making his eyes look runny. ) Also that they couldn't do much more and we had too consider his quality of life. We could consider the referral as before which would involve a CT scan ( which we couldn't afford). We said we would consider it but didn't ask anything about it as was in shock at her choose of words. (Tumor and quality of life had never come up before.)
He seemed to get a bit brighter as the days went on and then would go down hill . Usually when he had finished the course of tablets. Went back to see another vet who just gave more steroids but no help in getting him to eat or mentioned the referral, this went on for the next few weeks with Bramble having good days with bad days. The vets just kept offering us steroids and saying he wasn't eating as his nose was stuffed up. He then got an infection and had a temperature. We were given antibiotics and told to come off steroids for a few days to see if got better, which it did. I asked this vet if the only option was the CT scan referral but was ignored . Next couple of weeks he was the same but his face looked slightly different and he just seemed tired but would eat if I hand fed him, other than that he acted normal . He then went downhill so I took him to a different vets for a second opinion. They agreed with the first and gave him some anti biotics and more steroids. The next day I phoned my original vets to ask about the referral as we just seemed to be going round in circles with no real improvement. After three phone calls they eventually got back in touch. But Bramble had gone down so fast by then and was behaving weirdly. I took him back to the vets where they agreed to refer him and gave him a pain killer. When we got back he could hardly walk looked the worse he had ever done so I made another appointment and they put him on a drip and tried to feed him took bloods etc all come back fine except showing he had a nasty infection a few other things which were consistent with him not eating. He was there two nights trying to build his strength up. They then spoke to the referral unit who said they could do the investigating but in their opinion, because he didn't respond to the treatment well, the tumor was probably malignant and the kindest thing to do was put him to sleep, rather then put him through any more tests and the 2 hour journey to the referral unit.
We had this told to us over the phone and had to make a decision in 15 mins as the vet was on call. We decided to put him to sleep so drove straight there but I was desperate just to take him home. I had to force myself to go through with it as he still wasn't eating. And they had him on really strong pain killers. I am so angry with myself and the vets. I do not think I was told exactly what was happening to him. All along I thought it was a polyp and as long as he was eating and he seemed pain free if would shrink from the steroids. That the referral was just a consideration and wasn't urgent. If they had made it clear that it was only way to get him better we would of found the money. I then think that if it was in fact malignant that I wouldn't of wanted him to go through chemo or a big surgery procedure. I go from being angry at myself to being angry with them to sobbing my heart out for letting down my precious boy. I don't know how to get through this.
JoeR

Registered:
Posts: 67
 #2 
Thank you for sharing.
grievingmom

Registered:
Posts: 641
 #3 
I am so sorry for this traumatic experience.  You did everything right. Even when we do everything right things don't always work out. I once asked a vet that if someone did everything right by the book....can things still go bad and he said "yes". So please do not blame yourself for being a failure. I can tell you are crushed and I know that feeling all too well. Especially when you think you are to blame. You made some very good judgement calls along the way. And were in a tough spot with some serious decisions to make..all on your own. Please give yourself some credit for all you did right.

If you need to talk more, please continue to post here.

I am so sorry,
Stephanie
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