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beautifulbaby

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Posts: 28
 #1 
It has been 22 days since I lost my little Chihuahua, Creamer.  He was taken by a coyote while I was not home.  I feel so guilt ridden about the pain he might have endured. I hurt all over thinking about how he suffered.  I know from our neighbors that she heard him cry.  I cry just thinking of that.  The pain feels so Intense, I can barely type this with out breaking down.  I hurt for him.  I feel his pain and I keep imagining what he has been through over and over again.  It is like a movie replaying in my head.  I just want my baby back.  I can't stand knowing that I will not see him again at least in this lifetime which feels like forever.  I miss him with every beat of my heart.  He was a huge part of my life.  I miss him waging his tale, his big satellite ears, his excitement, his love.  The list could go on forever.  I have never had this connection with any other pet before.  My life feels broken, and I don't know how to pick up the pieces.  I don't know how to make sense of my loss.  One minute he was here, and the next gone.  I am so mad I could scream, my whole body aches in pain.  Thank you for letting me vent.  I do feel somewhat better, the pain is still with me but is less intense.  I know that all of you can understand this pain. Its heart wrenching, but we our not alone.  We have one another.  This is a safe place for me and I am comforted by that.  Thanks, May you have love in your heart and peace in your soul.

Hugs to everyone,

Cathy
jkgibb1

Registered:
Posts: 65
 #2 

Cathy--your words could have been written by me.  I lost Kitten 22 days ago, too, and everything you said about the pain and the guilt and not making sense of the loss are the same feelings I have.  It is unbelievable to know that one minute our pets are here and in an instant, they are gone.  I am very sorry for your loss.  Have a good cry whenever you feel like it--it helps.  I hope that you will be able to turn off that "tape" in which you replay what you think his final moments were like.  That can drive you crazy.  One book recommends putting up a mental stop sign when you have these thoughts.  I try pinching myself.  Please take care of yourself.  Each person's pain and sadness is different, but I have a sense of what you must be feeling.  It is obvious that you loved Creamer very much and that is why it hurts so much to lose him. 

Darian

Registered:
Posts: 282
 #3 

Cathy, if you can,  please try not to dwell on what you think Creamer's last moments were.  Remember that this is a morbid ritual,  although I"m sure it's almost impossible to avoid, and that our imaginations are much more vivid than they need be.   Nature is swift.  Your little one was completely at peace very very quickly.   He had an amazing life and he was thankful to you for that.

cwigg99723

Registered:
Posts: 628
 #4 
Cathy, I read your post when you lost your sweet fur baby.  My heart was broken for you and it still is broken!!!
 
To loose your pet in a tragic accident, well words canot describe it.  One minute they are here and then they are gone.  If  your pet is ill, you can kind of prepare yourself; however, there is no preparation for the loss.
 
It has been such a short time since your Creamer was taken from you.  Give yourself time to grieve.  It takes time and no one can tell you how long.  
 
My heart goes out to you in your time of sorrow.  And you are right about this place.  There is none like it.  I have never seen such love anywhere.  We all feel each other's pain, because we have all walked in your shoes.  
 
~~~~~Hugs~~~~~
Clara   
KatLover

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Posts: 842
 #5 

It's alright to grieve and cry.  But as I wrote before, Nature is very swift and merciful more often than not.  Even people who go through traumatic physical experiences report surprisingly little pain--if at all.  Missing them is hardest part--partly because not many people seem to understand, partly because it seems like forever.  But we're all spirit, not physical bodies, and spirit and the energy never dies.  I think a part of your little guy is still with you, and a part of you with him--and one day, more than likely you'll both meet up again.   Take care of yourself, do not torture yourself with wild imaginings, and as you wrote--we're all in this boat together and understand. 

missingbobby

Registered:
Posts: 10
 #6 
Cathy, i know how much it hurts. But i think that somehow we must do our best to be strong, for them. Our little angles love us...they loved us here, they for sure still love us, and they understand that we did what we could, because we could'nt preditc what was going to happen. We feel guilty, i know..i still feel that way, too. But we have to keep on trying, it's what we have left now. And i wanna belive that as soon as we get better, the soon they will fell our love, our hugs, wherever they are (and for sure it's a great place). We don't want them to see us hurt, right? So that's why we have to keep on trying.
River

Registered:
Posts: 262
 #7 
I am so sorry for your tragic loss. I think that the shock that you have suffered intensifies the pain. I lost my baby suddenly and unexpectedly too. I watched my daughter walk down our walk to the car with my two boys in tow for an outing and one of them never returned. I am still working through my grief and it has been nearly  9 months. At your stage, I felt as though I could not endure the intense feelings of grief any longer, but soon after they did begin to slowly but surely become more manageable. I was told to try to distract myself when images of those last terrible moments replayed themselves, and I was never very good at that. I wonder if we have to do that in order to overcome the shock and disbelief that it happened. I don't know, but I hope you find comfort in knowing that you are not alone in your struggle and that so many keep you in their thoughts.
LemonTea

Registered:
Posts: 29
 #8 
I want to say how sad I feel for you and what you are going through.The unknown is torturous.It's so understandable what you are feeling,trying to work out what happened.I have been doing the same and it is so so hard.
I'm sending you peace and love and hope that you somehow start to feel easier when you are ready to.

You are in my thoughts.
KT
MegansMum

Registered:
Posts: 72
 #9 
I don't know if I should be replying here yet as I am in the same place as you and don't have any words of wisdom to offer. Just wanted to say that I understand your pain. Our beloved Megan (5yr old poodle-cross) was hit by a car 10 days ago and her back legs were paralysed and we took the decision to put her to sleep. I have been feeling guilty that she was near the road in the first place and that we put her to sleep when maybe.... well, I don't know what might have happened if we hadn't taken that decision. I also replay the "video" in my mind several times a day of her final 6 hours, and it makes my skin crawl to remember what she went through.
Cathy, I'm so sorry for your loss, and i'm sorry you are feeling this hurt too. I so wish we could turn back the clock and just make that tiny adjustment which would have changed everything and our lives could have gone on happily.
I pray for the strength to get through this. I pray the "video" will stop playing soon. I pray that our babies are happy where they are now, and know how much we love them and how much we wish we could change things.
Huge hugs to you xx 
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