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LadiBugKMH

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Posts: 8
 #1 
I lost Buster last Wed.  I had to put him to sleep at 10:15 a.m.  This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do!  Buster was my soon to be 12 year old little boy who had a big heart.  I would like to think that he had so much love to give his heart kept growing and his little body couldn't hold such a large heart. 

Only a month ago was he running and playing like there was nothing wrong.  Then he developed a cough.  We took him in and they gave him an antibiotic.  We had him get an X-ray and they found his heart was much bigger than the last time.  We knew he had an enlarged heart, but he had not developed any fluid back-up in his lungs so they said it wasn't that bad yet.  Not to worry.  We also put him on a preventative CHF drug to keep him healthy.
2 weeks later he fell over after running.  They said this was going to happen and he would be tired more and more.  They said it was not dangerous and that until he fell more frequently did we have to worry.  They said it could take months or years. 

2 days later he fell over 2 times with little activity (this was Monday).  We rushed him in in the evening and they put him on a stronger heart med. and they took blood and did some tests..  Then after we took him home he fell over 10 times by morning.  We rushed him back (Tuesday) not 12 hours later   The vets were very confused.  It doesn't happen this quickly.  He would not stand up.  He was not eating.

The vet told us that he could have one more test on Thursday or we may choose euthanizing.  We chose to take him home and wait.  We know now that the vet only gave us the option of another test so we could take him home...we were obviously not ready for that decision.  They told us to call at any time should we feel like we need to change our minds.

We called at 2 am to tell them that we would bring him in on Wed. morning.  He had stopped drinking water and what he had drunk before was thrown up.  We took him in in the morning and he was just looking at me the whole time.  The doctors couldn't understand how he went downhill so fast.

I miss my little boy.  The house is so quiet.  His brother Bentley is def and doesn't bark.  He misses him.  Our two cats, Oliver and Oreo, are missing him as well.  I get Busters ashes on Monday and pray that I feel some closure.  I am thankful that he was not sick long, but cant help to want to be selfish and want him back!  Why cant I stop crying?

Anns_MM

Registered:
Posts: 53
 #2 
The reason you can't quit crying is because you lost a pet, a friend, a companion. It's also the hurt you feel.  Trust me...we've all been there.  I had to put M&M down because she had a blood clot...it still hurts. Love up your other pets, they can sense some thing is wrong.

Take care,
Ann

http://www.petloss.com/mbphotos3/mmcloseup.jpg

LilisMom

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #3 

I feel your pain, I lost my girl Lili on Monday.  She was 13, I got her as a rescue when she was weeks old.  She was acting sick Saturday, the ER thought she had a virus, by Monday afternoon, she was so sick she could no longer walk.  In the end, they think she had cancer, the tumor turned her stomach and caused bloat.  We had to make the decision to end her pain, now I can't stop crying either.  The house is so quiet, and I miss her so much...

nanangel

Registered:
Posts: 1,040
 #4 

{{{{{Buster and Lili's mommies}}}}}

                           I am so very sorry that both of you are going through so much sorrow.  The pain is so raw and new and yes, it is one of the hardest things you will ever face in this life.  My baby's 1st year at the Bridge is approaching and I never thought I would make it.  But you DO!!!!  And I promise  it never stops hurting, but time does help to ease the pain, and tears do turn to smiles of wonderful memories made with your beloved pets. 
Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers as you mourn your precious furbabies.

LOVE and {{{HUGS}}} BlakeGirl's  mommy  (Chris)

ghos_t

Registered:
Posts: 27
 #5 
I can say it get easier as time goes on we had to put our precious Annie down (she was my anniversary gift to my wife for our 1st anniversary, shes been gone now 7+ years and We still miss her, we have several other dogs but none with her personality.
what i am tring to say is that buster will always be apart of you. later warm feeling of remembrance will replace the crying.
take care and God bless

LadiBugKMH

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #6 
Thank you!  I found this poem and I would like to share...kinda made me feel better and hopefully will help someone else too.

HEAVEN'S DOGGY-DOOR

My best friend closed his eyes last
night, As his head was in my hand.
The Doctors said he was in pain,
And it was hard for him to stand.

The thoughts that scurried through
my head, As I cradled him in my arms.
Were of his younger, puppy years,
And OH...his many charms.

Today, there was no gentle nudge
With an intense "I love you gaze",
Only a heart that's filled with tears
Remembering our joy filled days.

But an Angel just appeared to me,
And he said, "You should cry no more,
GOD also loves our canine friends,
HE's installed a 'doggy-door"!

--- Jan Cooper --- 



Moonlight

Registered:
Posts: 540
 #7 

I'm sorry. We had to put our cat, Hershey, to sleep on Saturday, October 17th, 2009. She was 17 years old. It was a heartbreaking thing to do but we did not want her to be in pain and the doctor said she only had a week left. It's been a couple of weeks already and the pain is still there and it still hurts but it's not as bad as the first day or the first week. Like everyone says, time does heal. I cried my eyes out for days and days. You just have to grieve and go through the pain. Each day you'll begin to accept it a little bit more. I still pull in the driveway and expect to see my girl waiting there for me and I would love to hug her one more time. Unfortunately, their life spans are so short but they sure give us so much love and joy in their short lives. I think the thing that is helping me is thinking that one day I will see her again and that brings me some comfort. I know how you feel and many of us are currently going through the same thing on these boards right now. This place will help you. The people are wonderful and caring. ((HUGS to you))..

Mare

Registered:
Posts: 11,059
 #8 
I am very sorry your precious pet, Buster,  has passed on.  I know how empty your home feels and how much you miss seeing his precious face first thing every morning.  Losing your fur baby is one of the saddest times in your life. At first, you can't believe they are truly gone and you hope it was all a bad dream.  Our pets bring such joy to our lives and they will be missed until the end of time.  My heart goes out to you as you mourn the loss of Buster.  You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Mare
bunny boy Christoph ~ 15 months at the bridge ~

LadiBugKMH

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #9 
Thank you everyone again.  I got Busters ashes yesterday and I felt comfort and relief bringing him back "home"  I barely cried today, but many moments I realize I am lost in thought over this.  Here is a picture of him...he is THE cutest!!!
Mare

Registered:
Posts: 11,059
 #10 
Aww...Buster is so cute and adorable!  Thank you for sharing his precious picture.

Mare

LadiBugKMH

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #11 
I wanted to update everyone on our loss of Buster.  It has been a few months and still very hard.  I have found that I was able to hang his pictures back up and have even put up some older puppy pictures.  Although its hard at times, I have found that the pictures are soothing now and don't make me cry like they did at first.

Busters loving litter mate, Bentley, who has since turned a full 12, cried every day starting a week after Buster left.  He walked the house looking for him....which wasn't easy to watch since Bentley is def and blind.  We knew we had to do something for him and my husband said we should look for a buddy for him.  Although we have the 1 cat (Oreo) and 1 kitten (Oliver), my husband thought Bentley might want a canine buddy. 
So, I refused, but when I left the house one day for work that week, I cried the whole way because all I heard when I left was more sobs from my little bear Bentley.  I got to work and went onto petfinder.com.  Now my husband loves labs and I am a small dog kinda girl so I just looked for a little one to catch my eye.  One did so I called.  The lady said he was already adopted.  I said thank you for her time and went to hang up.  The lady said wait....what were you looking for exactly?  I replied that I was not sure and told her my story.  She said I have the perfect mix for you.  She told me to click on 3 little boys and asked me to tell her which one caught my eye.  Immediately, I saw Copper.  This little guy had a sparkle that made me smile.  I told her we would drive out her way the next night and meet him.  I then called my husband.  He saw the picture and told me not to get my hopes up until we met him. 
Well, when I met Copper he was just like Buster...its weird...he looks nothing like him, but has a bunch of the quirky personality traits.  He is a lab/pug mix (dont ask!!!! lol )  So, I still wasnt sure....I wasnt ready, but Bentley sure needed help!!!  We decided to try.  We did just drive 2 hours each way to meet him.  We brought him home and he instantly was greeted by Bentley- no problem.  He has also got along with Oreo and Oliver.  It took my husband and I a few days to warm up to him. 
I kept thinking I was replacing Buster, but now I know that Buster sent him to me.  Copper constantly does things that bring the good playful memories of Buster back and is helping me put away the last couple weeks of sadness I had with Buster.  He also takes REALLY good care of Bentley.  I also feel good that I saved 2 lives.  Copper and the space I made for another little puppy at the rescue.  :) 

lovemypup

Registered:
Posts: 607
 #12 

Yay, Bentley, you have a new buddy!  I am so glad to hear that your pets are one big happy family again and that things have turned out well.  It must have been tough wondering if you were doing the right thing, but it sounds like it couldn't be more perfect.  Congratulations on your new addition!

VinnieBinnie

Registered:
Posts: 120
 #13 
I'd bet anything that your Buster DID indeed send Copper.  He knew what you needed and when, before you knew it yourself.  What a wonderful beginning for your family!  Congrats!
Mare

Registered:
Posts: 11,059
 #14 
I am glad you brought a friend home for Bentley.  It sounds like the perfect match also.  I hope you have many years of joy and companionship with Copper.

Mare

LadiBugKMH

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #15 
We are coming into a year of not having Buster and I am just starting to feel lost again.  We still have Bentley (his brother...same litter) and he is going to turn 13 this November.  I am just REALLY scared because Bentley is starting to show his age so much more this past year.  He helps me hold onto Buster.  I miss Buster terribly and I can not even believe a year is coming up.  10/28/09.  I am trying to keep busy and I spend every free moment with my other 4 little guys, but I just still feel so lost recently.  I am starting to cry over him being gone again and I just want to know...does the pain in your heart ever go away? 
Mare

Registered:
Posts: 11,059
 #16 
As the first year anniversary gets closer, it's very normal to become very emotional again.  You relive the last days with your pet and the tears will flow like a river.  Once the actual date has passed, you will feel better.  Try and not dwell on the last days with Buster but rather on all the wonderful and sweet memories of his life with you.  Our hearts do not totally heal.  We will always miss our sweet pets.

Mare
precious Christoph ~ 2 years at the bridge ~

LadiBugKMH

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #17 
I cant believe it...I just cant.  I posted my fear on Thursday and today I had to say goodbye to Bentley.  What is happening to me?  Why is this happening?  I cant go through this again and so soon!!!

Yesterday Bentley was panting a lot.  I figured it was the weather (our last warm day for a while...we live in Ohio)  and then early in the night he was still panting and the weather had cooled down. 

My husband and I realized that it was a side affect to his large heart and so we thought we still were o.k. because he wasnt showing any of the signs that Buster had less than a year ago.  The only thing he didnt want was a lot to eat.  Not abnormal, he just ate half...which in the summer months when its hot, is what he does.

This morning I woke up and Bentley did not want to get out of bed.  He always has been a sleepy head so I picked him up and carried him downstairs and out side.  He had a hard time standing, but he did walk the yard a little.  He was stumbling and fell over once.  I started to cry.  I knew.    He threw up once and then he followed me back to the house and I had to help him up the front step and into the house.  He came in and drank water, but instantly threw it up.  All of it.  He was having such a hard time standing so I got his bed, took him onto the front porch and sat with him for 2 hours.  He slept and I prayed.  I prayed that his heart would just stop. I didnt want to make that decision again, and I knew it was the end.

My dad, sister and husband were there and told me that I had to take him in.  He was awake and panting.  He wasnt getting enough oxygen because he was completely in heart failure.  I knew they were right.  If I waited, he would not sleep...he couldnt....he panted to much.  He would have had too much fear and pain if I let him alone. 
We took him in at 2:30 today and they said I made the right decision.  His lungs were filling with liquid.  I said my goodbyes and he rested his head on my hand.  He wanted this.  He knew it was time.  I said my goodbyes, told him I loved him so much and told him to take care of Buster when he got to him.  Then he went to sleep forever.

My heart hurts so bad.  2 days ago I was only worried about Busters one year anniversary, and today I have lost both my babies.  What do I do?  How do I go on?  How are the other 3 going to take this?  I am so lost.  So lost.  Once again, I cant stop crying!

judesmom

Registered:
Posts: 1,901
 #18 
you just go ahead and cry all you want and need to.   you've had 2 major losses  in less than a years time.    your heart wasn't fully healed yet from loosing buster and now bentley has gone to join his buddy.   they are both happy, healthy and strong again.   it is mom that is lost and hurting now.

you will have to start down the path of the grieving process once more i'm afraid.   visit this board often and talk, vent and cry to us.    you need to release all of this pain.     participate in the mon night candlelight ceremony when you are up to it and pay tribute to your 2 fine babies.   go to the library and check out some books on pet loss.    those can help you alot.

keep the kleenex close at hand and come back often to this board.   i am so sorry that you have lost so much is such a short space of time.   our babies lives are never long enough and we are lost and empty inside without them.   spend lotsa time with your other 3 and love on them.    they too will also help you to heal and i am sure they are missing their friend as well.  

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
River

Registered:
Posts: 262
 #19 
I am so sorry you are travelling down this road again so soon after losing Buster. I could feel your heartbreak and cried when I read your post. I hope you will find comfort in knowing Buster and Bentley are together again. It has taken me nearly 10 months, but I think I do believe with certainty now that they live on in youthful bodies with their health fully restored and their spirits filled with joy.
lennysmom

Registered:
Posts: 308
 #20 
i am so sorry for your loss of Bently, just after your anniversary of Buster. Your story brought tears to my eyes. Life is so not fair some times. Maybe knowing your boys are together again and waiting for you will bring you some peace in time. Poor Cooper ...please know that your PL family is here for you. Many hugs from another Ohioian
Lennys mom Katie
BenjiandPacosmom

Registered:
Posts: 39
 #21 
So sorry about your boys.  Buster died on my birthday, and Bentley had hearing problems, as I do.  Mainly I am responding because I too have lost one of two born in the same month of the same year so it could happen here too.  My surviving dog is a thirteen year old Silky Terrier.
I hope Copper and the two cats are doing as well as can be expected.
Please accept my Heartfelt condolances on the losses of Buster & Bentley.
LadiBugKMH

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #22 
Thank you everyone.  I am coping as is my husband.  We made a video of their pictures from puppy to just before they went to the bridge.  Set to the song that I heard as we were taking Buster in and the same song I listened to as we left Bentley.  It helped a lot in healing.  I recommend to anyone/everyone.

As far as my other 3 boys...they are showing all the signs of loss, but they are still eating and drinking, so I think it will just take some time.  Vet gave us the warning signs and we will get them in if anything changes or their behavior does not get better with time. 

I got my sign today that Bentley made it to heaven.  I know it sounds strange, but here it goes:
My parents and grandparents always called me ladybug.  When my grandfather passed (my hero, best friend, and the man that instilled the passion of animals and life into me), my mother told me to look for the ladybugs.  I had a ladybug fly down and sit on my shoulder that day.  Weird if nothing else.  I apparently was getting bad after he passed (I was in HS and I apparently lost a lot of weight).  My mom got me Buster and Bentley that year to help me through the rough patch. 
Whenever I saw a ladybug, I knew it was my grandfather saying hello/i love you.  When Buster passed away, the next day we had 2 ladybugs in our bedroom when I woke up.  I called my mom and she said...he made it to heaven and he is sitting in your granfather's lap for sure!
Today I was sitting in my car at work and having a little cry when a ladybug flew down and landed on the windshield.  I cried harder. 

Crazy thing is:  they all passed away in the fall/winter, I live in Ohio where it gets cold mid September.  It was freezing today and pouring rain.  Where the heck could that ladybug have come from?  The only answer is Bentley.  Just like the ladybugs for Buster (late October) and my grandfather (he passed in December 1997).  I figure Bentley was so excited to see again (blind for the last few yrs) that he took his time looking around and greeting his family before he sent his ladybug :)

Once again I thank you all. 

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