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Posts: 12
Dear Chunk,

Well today is my 39th birthday and it is the first one that you haven't been a part of since 2007.  I miss you with all of my heart buddy. Unfortunately you will not be here for the remainder of my life as I start my journey on the back 9.  I still have trouble sometimes looking at some of the photos of you near the end as it is a painful reminder that you aren't here.  I know you weren't ready to go and I'm sorry buddy.  I hope that you are at peace with the choice that I made.  I did not want you to suffer at all and I tried to use my best judgment in order for you to avoid it.  I still call your name on most days and it is something that I never want to forget.  This is kind of harder than I thought it was going to be.  I didn't expect to cry like this on my birthday. 

I miss all of our days of playing ball, going to the beach or just being lazy in general.  You truly were my best friend and probably the only companion that I've ever had that appreciated me no matter what I did wrong.  That is unconditional love if I've ever heard of it.  I miss you Chunkyboy Daddys Kid Stinker Noodle. 

You did a good job of showing Sweetie the ropes before you left.  She's only had 1 day were she's been in trouble since you left.  I can tell that she misses you also when she's laying there alone on her bed.  She really loved cuddling with you.  We all miss you man.  I love you with all of my heart and will always keep the hope that I will see you again one day.  As you know I am not what you would call a dedicated religious person, but what is the point of hope if I can't ever hope to see you again?  I tell myself that it gets better with time.  I think the honest assessment is that it never gets "better", I just learn to cope with the hole in my heart that is left behind.  I eventually learn to cope with it where I can still be a happy person but not having you by my side is never a good thing or "getting better". 

In the end I was extremely lucky to have been your dad and I'll miss you for eternity buddy.  Don't worry about me though I'll hold it together and take care of the family.  Thank you for being my best pal and I'll check back with you on this thread.  I miss you and love you. 

Chunk 3/29/2007 - 1/27/2020

Posts: 12
Hi Daddy's Boy.  I miss you buddy.  I still tell Sweetie how much I miss you and still call you by your names.  Things are not the same without you and everyone misses you.  I hope that you were able to find Momma Jan and Brother Bobby up there.  I'm sure they are keeping you busy with playing ball.  Your birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks and I'm sure it will be a difficult day without you here.  Anyways I love you always and forever and look forward to seeing you again when the time comes.  Until then you will always be in our hearts.  Send my love to the others.

Love you Chunko-boy. 

Posts: 12
Chunkyboy.  I miss you buddy.  Yesterday would've been your 13th birthday.  I would've had the Ribeye ready for you but I gave that to you in advance before you left the Earth.  You would've enjoyed these past couple of weeks as I've been off work due to the virus that is going around.  That would've meant hours of playing ball in your younger days.  

I put a memorial up on our hallway wall in February and I take a look at it every day.  It reminds me of all of the love that we had to share and all of the good times that we had together.  I will forever hold those memories in my heart which now brings me happiness.  The pain of you leaving is still real but has subsided and been replaced with all of the good memories that we had.  No one will ever replace you and I don't expect them to.  What we had together can never be replaced.  

Sweetie is here and has been doing much better than when you were here.  She no longer chews up random items in the backyard as she seemed to have learned that it means she will sleep outside if she does that.  She doesn't have her cuddle buddy around anymore unfortunately.  

We all miss you buddy and will always check back here and write you.  Say Hello to Grandma Jan and Bobby for me.  I'll talk to you later.

Love Dad.
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