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poochiesmom

Registered:
Posts: 114
 #1 

Yesterday was 5 weeks since I lost my Poochie...well, since the day I decided to end her precious life.  Nothing has gotten better or easier; just the opposite.

 

I think how it was she who kept me alive all the times I didn't want to be and I think she should have been a service dog for she took care of my disability, albeit an emotional/mental one rather than a physical one.  And so without her, I am lost again.

 

Everything is dark, cold, empty, quiet and meaningless.  Everyday is worse.  I get out of bed, though I don't know why.  I only leave the house on Sunday to go to the cemetery.  I've tried to take a walk but the pain from my herniated disk won't let me make it from room to room.  So I sit trapped at home, which isn't a home anymore, just an apartment, and ache for my Poochie.  I beg for her return though I know that cannot happen.  I can't watch TV, can't read, I actually forget to eat.  I haven't worn make-up or fixed my hair or even bothered to put in my contact lenses since there is nothing to see.

 

Tom comes home and it's the same as being alone but worse.  At least when I'm alone, I know why it's so quiet but when he's here, the silence is deafening and I want to end it.  He doesn't know how to help me so he doesn't even try.  He watches me dying and he stands there and lets me.  Poochie would have never done that.  She never did.

 

The 20th will be our 3 year anniversary and I don't care.  I told him I don't want to celebrate it because there is nothing to celebrate.  It would also have been his 3 year anniversary with Poochie.  When my 14 year anniversary came up one week after her death, he did nothing to commemorate the day or console me.  I forced myself to take public transportation to the cemetery to be with her until they threw me out and I was in worse back and leg pain for many days after.  Holidays approach but I don't care.  My first Thanksgiving with no mother and now with no Poochie.  Nothing means anything.

 

I hear everyone talk about this bridge and I wonder why I can't just go there, now, and be with my baby again.  Why should I wait?  I don't want to be in this world anymore.  There is nothing here for me. Not anymore. Where is the mercy to take a needle and put me out of my pain?  How can I believe I did the right thing for Poochie (ending her pain) if it's not the right thing for me? Seems hypocritical to me.

 

Anyway, thank you to all who tried to help me, who gave me prayers and sincere concern.  I hope all of you find peace in your worlds.  But as it says in my favorite Damien Rice song, "Cold water surrounds me now...can you hear me Lord?  Or am I lost?"  I am lost.

 

Rhea

Poochie's Forever Mommy

louiesmom

Registered:
Posts: 122
 #2 
Rhea,

I don't know what to say in the face of such pain. Don't forget that you are in real physical pain (the herniated disk) in addition to your spiritual pain--the two are going to exacerbate each other multiple times over. I am dealing with the grief of losing my Louie, and I am lucky be in good physical health so that I do not have to deal with that too. Have you been to a doctor, maybe an antidepressant or sleep aid would temporarily help you until you get your equilibrium back. I have no physical problems yet I have thought of going to the doctor to get something to help me out in the short term. Please don't give up!

I read your beautiful memorial to Poochie--please don't be so hard on your husband. Everyone grieves in their own way and I am sure he is hurting too. I'm sure he just doesn't know what to do for you in this time of great grief and sorrow...

If you haven't read it yet, I highly recommend the book "The Loss of a Pet-A Guide to Coping With the Grieving Process When a Pet Dies" by Wallace Sife..I find it extremely helpful when I am feeling lost in sorrow. It is better than most of the pet loss grief books.

Somewhere in my reading I came across this quote from someone grieving: "I am assaulted by the presence of your absence." It is so true isn't it? The absence itself comes to have such a weight that it becomes a presence all it's own--and it truly is an assault everytime you look for your precious Poochie. If you are rarely leaving your apartment you are constantly being assaulted, and it is wearing you down.

I know this is all not much help, and I have to run out the door and pick up my daughter, but I will check back and see how you are doing. I send you my prayers for peace.

Love,
Christy

Maybe Poochie is playing with my Louie:




carolschmoker

Registered:
Posts: 184
 #3 
Oh, Rhea -- I am so sorry for your pain from losing Poochie.  Please, hang in there.  It truly is the right thing to let our furbabies go when their time has come -- sometimes I agree it's a pity we can't give the same mercy & grace to humans, but we can't.  My thoughts & prayers are with you & Tom.  He's probably like my dad; when he can't fix a problem, he doesn't know what to do, and since he can't bring Poochie back for you, he's at a loss.  All our thoughts & prayers are with you.  Louie's mom's suggestion about possibly getting some medical help short term is a good one -- especially given that you are having physical problems on top of the grief. Please talk to your doctor -- there is no reason not to get what help is available. Also, have you tried to find a pet bereavement counselor to discuss your pain -- I know here in Dallas, the main SPCA has a pet grief specialist who has meetings monthly to help people deal with the pain. We are all here for you -- tell us how we can help you in your pain.
BonnieS

Registered:
Posts: 15
 #4 

Rhea,

I have no idea where to begin that would even come close to making you feel any better. My heart aches for you in your loss. I can however say this, I lost my precious Kayla just over a week ago, and when I read your letter it made me want to reach out to you, up until that point, I felt completely helpless, no use to anyone, I figured what i thought makes no difference to anyone, after all how can I make someone feel better or loved or needed when I feel none of those things myself. How wrong I was, for all I can offer you is a shoulder and for me that is a huge step, my own grief overwhelms me daily, so as strange as it may seem, while you sit and torture yourself over your feelings, YOU have helped me, you make me want to reach out, to heal, to feel better. I want all those things for you. Perhaps you have friend who needs you nearby, perhaps you could volunteer at a pet shelter, they have all kinds of positions that would require nothing more than your time and your love.

everyone deals with a loss in their own way, so maybe the pain your  husband feels over the loss of your furbaby makes him appear to be cold or withdrawn, reach out to him, tell him how you feel, it may do nothing or it may open a door, please try.

Please ask for help! depression is an awful way to live, but I can tell you this, time does heal, but perhaps your greatest need right now is patience, be patient for peace will come to your heart, you will feel better, you will love and laugh, just know that for now, we, this site, me, are all here for you, to listen to you, to heal with you, just reach out. Please please dont give up, for we need you!

 

Kayla's mum, Bonnie

louiesmom

Registered:
Posts: 122
 #5 
Rhea, are you still there?

Don't forget--Poochie was a sad and distressed little pup on the day you adopted her--from that day forward you were always her hero, her angel--you gave her as much as she gave you.

And now she is your angel...

Don't be so hard on your husband--he is grieving too--and he has never known you without Poochie...I saw pictures of him with Poochie on your dogster page and it is obvious he loves Poochie too...

My Louie died in August 2006, and it is still so shocking to me that our friends' lives are contained within our own--he lived 13 years with me. Apparently I lived many years before him. And apparently I will live many years without him again. That is so hard for me to deal with. I said in another thread that while I adore my life and my husband and my daughter and that I would never intentionally do anything--it would not be the worst thing in the world if anything happened to me--at least I would be able to run and catch up to Louie and tell him that he is not alone and that I am sorry that I could not save him. I feel time is my enemy. He died in August and I was so distraught when it turned to September--I wanted to stay in August---wanted to stay in the month where he died and where he was alive because I was still close to him. Time marches on and I leave him farther and farther behind. I feel I am on a ship and he is on an island and as time marches on I leave him farther and farther behind. What do I do about that? I can't bear to leave him in the past...I want him here....

Christy





Harley

Registered:
Posts: 11
 #6 

Dear Rhea,

I know exactly how you are feeling, for I have been feeling the same way since my husband and I had to make the most painful decision of our entire lives.....to put my baby, Harley, to sleep. I think about her (and cry) every single day and it all seems so hopeless. It's so hard to explain how I feel. I feel like everything around me, especially here at home, is the same but at the same time it's not. It's like Harley was never here in a way, but she was here, and I will never forget her for I will always carry her in my heart. I am haunted by the look on her face right before I left the room. I couldn't handle staying in there with her (my husband did though so she wasn't alone), but every day I am filled with regret over this. How could I have let her down like that when she needed me the most? God, how will I ever get over these overwhelming feelings of grief and guilt?? I feel like I will never be the same again......I feel so empty even though I have a wonderful husband who loves me and another furbaby named Gizzy. Gizzy is more attached to my husband than she is with me, Harley was attached to me and I to her. We had a very special bond that I have never had with Gizzy. Don't get me wrong, I love her with all of my heart and I would be totally devastated without her, also, but it just isn't the same. My husband has also had trouble trying to comfort me during this time.....I think that because he can't make me feel better and "fix" the problem that he doesn't know what to do or how to help me. Your husband may be feeling the same way. You had replied to my post about a week ago and you helped me a lot by telling me not to feel like I have to try to act "normal" in front of people and to be sad if I want to be. Thank you for that......you are so right. And please don't give up......Poochie would want you to be happy and continue on. Just know that you are not alone in how you are feeling though......I have wondered what the point is to life many times since Harley's death. But as my brother pointed out to me----Harley would want me to go on and be happy. Maybe the "happy" part will come with time. So I am trying to go on and hopefully someday be happy again. Please, please don't give up, we are all here for you.

Sending you hugs,
Paula (Harley's Mommy)
Chrissie

Registered:
Posts: 71
 #7 

Oh Rhea I am so sorry you are in such pain.  Please ask yourself would Poochie want this for you?  That beautiful little dog loved her mummy and would want to give you the strength you need right now.  She has not left you entirely, her spirit is with you and always will  be.  Take comfort from it and the water will get warmer, I promise.

aurichwolf

Registered:
Posts: 555
 #8 

Dearest Rhea,

     My heart aches for you and Tom both.

He can't begin to comfort you nor you comfort him when you both hurt so very much it seems.

     All I can say is you seem like two lost souls not knowing how to begin to heal or help eachother heal.

     Having said that please think about what Poochie would want for both of you if she were there with you now.

It would break her heart to see you both so sad and lonely when you are right there together.

     Remember that she brought you together by her accepting Tom into your lives and there had to be a reason for that . Perhaps knowing as they do that they won't be with us forever in the physical sence she wanted you to have someone she approved of to comfort you after she was gone. Perhaps she knew he would miss her so very much that you would be able to comfort him. Who knows what is in their special hearts when they do these things. 

     One thing i have learned tho is they do have a reason for all the things they do in their time with us and often are the ones whho bring about wonderful things in our lives later after they have run on ahead. If only we listen to our hearts and hear the words they speak to them we can begin to understand their plan for us and begin to heal one small step at a time.

     The reaons it was right to end her pain is it was physical and you did not want her to suffer just to stay with you. What a wonderful unselfish gift that is we can give. Our pain after they leave is emotional and it will heal in time as their physical pain would not if we made them stay.

     My heart tells me take the hand of one you both love and walk the path of life together till the time comes you will all be together again.

     This is what i feel deep inside Poochie would want for you both.

 

Love and peace be with both of you

 

Aurich Wolf

Kathy

    

    

foreverbuster

Registered:
Posts: 26
 #9 

I am so sorry for your loss, don't give up it will get easier, the love never dies, but the pain does subside. Reading your post reminded me so much of my own pain, I felt as alone and isolated as you are feeling now. I was hurt by my family and after a year we have finally started talking again. This had never happened before with my son, but I was in such deep grief I couldn't think straight and he got angry with me, I felt like half of me left when my beloved Buster died in my arms, and I lost the other half with the fallout with my son. We all grieve differently, in retrospect I was not even a little bit rational. I cried for 4 mo's streight and I didn't think I would ever get thru the terrible pain in my heart and soul, but please believe me it will subside. I did have to seek medical help and I used anti-depressents, it was a good choice for me and helped me deal with the pain more rationally although I still grieved, and do to this day, although not near as often or as intense as it was. Hang in there girl. You will get thru this. We are here for you and know how deep the hurt goes.

 

I want to tell you, I was shocked when I saw the picture of poochie, He is a twin to by Darling Buster Boy, Westie, so adorable, I could hold and kiss him to pieces. Maybe they are together talking about their mama's and wondering why me are so sad when they are in perfect health and total bliss.

 

Take care, you are never alone, this is the only place I had to come and feel understood, that really helped me, just knowing others hurt as I did and I was not totally alone. Most people don't understand our bond with our fur baby's and I found it best not to share with those who couldn't possible know what I was going thru.

 

Come back often and we will do all we can to help. Also the chat room is full of wonderful people who will be of great support for you, as you go thru this journey of loss and grief.

 

Joan, Busters forever mama

mybigdog

Registered:
Posts: 80
 #10 

Rhea

We know you are in so much pain over losing your dear Poochie. And yet I have seen your replies on the board trying to help others through their grief as well. I think it helps us all to share and to try to help one another through the agony of our losses and hopefully the healing that begins.

 

It must be indredibly difficult for you to be homebound and always reminded of Poochie's absence - I lost my beloved Otis 4 weeks ago Monday - at first i had to leave the house all the time. It tortured me to be at home and reminded of him because he was always in the house or yard. I had to stay away as much as possible, change my routine so it was not so painfully obvious that he was not around. Yet I still had to come home sometimes and then it would still hit me like a truck.  I changed my routine at home too - TV on constantly - so that my mind would not wander back to Otis. Don't get me wrong, I would (and still do now) think of him and have my crying jags, but then I consciously try to move my mind to other things - even if it is a stupid TV show. I think your mind needs that down time when it is not in sorrow mode in order to heal. It starts with minutes and then hopefully there will be longer and longer times when you are not so sad.

 

Also, don't be afraid to seek help from a doctor if you need it temporarily. It is easy to slip into depression over such a life shattering event. As much as Poochie cared for you I know that she would not want to see you suffering either. She helped you through many terrible times and it must be her legacy that she showed you that you have the strength to get bad times. I know that is not any comfort. I feel no comfort now that Otis is gone as well. I know things will never be the same again. Yet I do feel that people here at least understand my life without him.

Please take care of yourself. Otis'MoM

puppaloo

Registered:
Posts: 22
 #11 

The pain can be unbearable, and it's worse if you can't share it with those who love you.  I think it's true that men want to fix things and when your furbaby is gone there is nothing that can fix it.  I know my husband is tormented by the loss of our Puppaloo, yet he cannot bring himself to talk about it even to me.  He thinks that I am hurting because I miss her, which is true, but I am also hurting for him because I know he is in such silent pain and can't express it.  I don't know why our pets  have shorter lifespans than we do...it guarantees heartbreak.  Somehow we have to take the heartbreak, the unconditonal love, the joy and the grief, and from all of it carve out a deeper place in our souls for love.

  My Puppaloo was always very distressed if she sensed us having any sad feelings .  You have to know that your Poochie is in a happy place, and only wants you to still feel the love you shared.  It will get better in time, and give Tom the benefit of the doubt knowing he feels powerless to ease your pain as much as he wants to. 

  My prayers are with you that you can heal.  Have you considered rescuing or fostering another furbaby?  I have found that it has helped me to give love to another baby, even as I grieve for my Puppaloo.  My Puppaloo was  jealous when she was in her body, but now she is at the Bridge I feel she wants me to love another dog here on Earth if it will help.  And it does help... our new pup is helping us heal and I know your Poochie wants you to heal and feel happy once more.

poochiesmom

Registered:
Posts: 114
 #12 

Thank you to all (Christy, Carol, Bonnie, Paula, Chrissie, Kathy, Joan, Otis' Mom and Puppaloo) who have replied and tried to comfort me.  It does help to know there are others out there who can begin to understand my pain.  This web site, message board and chat room are all so wonderful because everyone can freely express themselves, no matter how bad the feelings are, and be validated by others.

 

Christy - I looked up Dr. Sife and found that he practices in NY and I was hopeful I could find help.  I went into a chat room he moderates and I got so angry at what went on there, I lost my temper and left. Everything was said in generalities, platitudes cut and pasted from his book, all "look on the bright side of death" attitude and I found it horribly insensitive. One woman who is nursing her dying dog was actually told "soon your nightmare will be over and better things will begin."  I found that disgusting.  They said "it's better animals have shorter life spans so we won't have to worry about them when we are gone."  I asked if that should be true for dependent, disabled children - should they die young too so the parents won't have to worry?  Anyone who talked about feeling suicidal was immediately shut up and told that wasn't "the focus of the group" while anyone who said something positive about the group or his book was praised to no end - "It's wonderful when the good people can come out of their pain to help others." 

I thanked them for their time, told them I didn't belong there, that I'd been on both sides of the couch and know that generalities do not help anyone but quite the opposite, gave my good wishes to the people who came for help and left.  I got an email later from one of the members who thanked me for saying what no one else had the nerve to say and that she felt the same way. 

I saw his book in the store.  I'm glad it helped you.  I found Lori Greene's book "Saying Goodbye to the Pet you Love" much better because she acknowledges the very important fact that different people bond differently with pets and that people who have had histories of abuse or bad relationships with people often bond SO uniquely intense with their pets that the loss is that much more devastating, so much more important than any human loss and that is where I fit in.

 

What I can't get people to understand is that I had no life before Poochie.  All I had was illness and I wanted to die all the time. Yes, I chose a profession where I can help others and forget my own pain but in the end, that's not healthy because you have to deal with your own pain in order to help others well. Now that Poochie is gone, I'm back to where I started except with a deeper pain than I'd ever known (and the loss of my mother just a few months before Poochie) and so much more alone.  The therapist I had for 11 years is gone too.  There is no question about getting "another dog" because to me, Poochie was not a dog.  She was my child and if I were in a chat room saying my 14 year old human daughter died, no one would suggest I go to an adoption agency and get a new child. No one suggests I find a new mother.  And that is the part no one gets about me.  I had that traumatic, violent, abusive background.  I have nothing good to say about human relationships.  Poochie was not my pet or companion or friend.  She was my child, my life line.  It may be pathological but it is what it is.

 

As for Tom (who is my live-in boyfriend, not husband), I know he grieves Poochie but his loss is not the same.  His 3 years with her (and I know it's quality, not quantity) is not the same because she didn't save him, he didn't need her to live and he can live now without her.  He can go on, he can laugh, he can survive.  I don't ever think that he didn't love her or that he doesn't hurt but I lie crying and he sits there, just sits there.  Doesn't make any attempt to comfort me.

 

In the other chat room, they asked me how I honor Poochie now that she's gone.  I told them I honored her everyday she was alive and I continue to honor her now.  The "honor her by having a good life" is empty talk to me.  She and I honored Tom when she adopted him and gave him a certificate.  I honored Tom by making sure their anniversary gift got here before she died (and it came about two hours before), I got him a bracelet with her name to match mine - to connect us, I honored him by putting his last name along with mine on her tombstone and putting "Our" instead of "My."  I asked him yesterday how is he honoring her?  By treating the person she loved most so badly?  She worked so hard for me to live and now he is standing by letting me die and so he dishonors her and puts her work in vain. 

 

I told him I will leave instructions for me to be cremated (despite my religious beliefs - religion hasn't helped me yet) and have my ashes buried with Poochie's and a new stone will go up that is just for me and her.  We were a team, we needed each other to live.  It will be inscribed with our names and the lyrics from the INXS song "Two worlds collided and they can never tear us apart.

 

Lots of you say she wouldn't want me to suffer but I am.  And if she really is somewhere and if it really would make her sad that I am suffering, then I am causing her more suffering even after death.  And isn't that why I killed her?  So she wouldn't suffer anymore?  So I am making her worse. And if she is somewhere, I should be there.  You ask me what would she want?  She would want the only thing she ever wanted for 14 years. She would want her Mommy to be with her.  And that is where I should be.  That is where I want to be. That is where I belong.

 

And if there really is nothing after this, then it doesn't matter to her and it's all about my suffering.  And this is no way to live.  My life never was.

 

But again I thank you all for your help and your reaching out. The kindness of strangers is more than I ever got from anyone who ever said they loved me.

 

Rhea

Poochie's Forever Mommy

 

 

louiesmom

Registered:
Posts: 122
 #13 
Rhea_ I am so sorry I made things worse--I had no idea about the chat room all I know is the book that I got at the library...other books seemed a bit too trite and platitudinous and mystical and this book seemed more down-to-earth than than some of the others I have read these past two months...

Love,
Christy
poochiesmom

Registered:
Posts: 114
 #14 

Christy,

 

You didn't make anything worse.  The book may be good and I'm glad it helped you.  Maybe he's not the same in the chat room as he is in the book.  In fact, you did help because I might have chosen him for a therapist but now I know better and I met different people in that chat room who felt like me but were too intimidated to say so.  Now I have heard from them through email and I invited them to the candle lighting.

 

That's my whole point, Christy.  No generalities can be made past saying we all hurt.  We all hurt differently, in different ways, in different intensities and therapists should know that.  Everyone heals (if they heal) in different ways too. 

 

Don't think for a second you did anything but help me by reaching out.  It helps me to know you are out there and that you care.

 

Rhea

harleymama

Registered:
Posts: 54
 #15 

Rhea,

  I am so sorry to hear about your loss of your devoted companion Poochie. I know how you are feeling with the cold water. I had to cross my Harley over and that was the hardest thing I ever had to do. He was my friend, my child, my nurse and my everything. I thought I could not go on living without him. I suffer from severe COPD and he was my life line. I had much the same thoughts as you. I knew Harley did not want that for me as he kept me alive a few nights when I wanted to give up. Harley sent me another little Doxie to help me along the way much like he did. He will never be my Harley but he is Jessee and he is there for me as I am for him. I am not telling you to get another child. One child can never replace another but honey listen to your beloved Poochie and know she loves you and wants you to go on till the time that is written when you will be together again. ((((hugs))) and (((love))) to you.

Margaret

Harleys forever mom

KarenC

Registered:
Posts: 390
 #16 

Dear Rhea (Poochie's Mama):  I've been out of town and just caught up with everyone.  Your complete and utter despondency over Poochie goes right to my heart.  I feel your written words and I think because I have a house full of people living with me right now, that's the only reason I haven't given up too.  I have two young grandchildren, one daughter, her fiancee, and his two young children, plus a husband, and several other furbabies.  But, in the still of the evening, my heart still cries and screams for Sadie.  I am trying, so please, Rhea, keep trying to get past this.  The days drag by, but remember, if Poochie could actually talk to you, what would she say.  "Get up Mama!"  Be happy, we'll be together again!  Bask in the sunshine, feel the cool breezes and smile when you see the stars twinkling in the night sky.  Do this for me, Mama!  Don't be sad, don't give up.  You have to keep going and keep me in your memory where I will live forever.  Rhea, I know you have special circumstances, I just wish I could give you a big hug, have a long cry with you for both our babies, and talk with you.  You must believe that Poochie was a gift, as all our furbabies are, and that the bonds of love cannot be broken.  It's just the physical separation that is so hard to deal with.  Sadie will be 15 on October 18th and I have ordered a bouquet of her favorite flowers.  It will be hard to get through the day, but I will because I must.  I don't mean to sound repetitious, but please, hang in there and try to fill the void in your heart with happy memories of your baby.  It helps.  I pray for strength for the both of us.  Stay in touch. Love, KarenC

carolschmoker

Registered:
Posts: 184
 #17 

Rhea, how are you doing?  When I was browsing something else, I found a listing of pet loss resources in the New York area.  Since I don't know how to do a link, I'm copying the info below.  Please let us know how you're doing.  You've been in my thoughts & prayers.  I know the SPCA group here was very helpful to me when I lost Honey & JR within a month of each other in 2004. 

 

http://www.pet-loss.net/resources/NY.html

 

(edited to add link - EdW)

Thatchersmom

Registered:
Posts: 78
 #18 

Rhea, today marks 18 months that my precious baby Thatcher was sent to Rainbow bridge.  I came to this site today as I usually do on the 24th of each month to commorate her bridgeday and I saw your post.  There is no other way to put it.  I completely and 100% understand your broken heart.  Even after 18 months has passed, I still want to be where my baby is.  You don't say what part of NY you're from, but I live upstate and if you think getting together with someone who completely understands your feelings might help, I'd be more than willing to meet with you.  Time is not easing my pain so I won't promise that it'll ease yours, but perhaps talking to someone who has been there, continues to be there, and feels as though the rest of her life will be spent missing my girl with every breath I take, might help you cope.  If you want to let me know how to reach you, I promise to call, I promise to care and I promise to listen.  I may not have all the answers, if any, but I'll listen, OK?  My e-mail address is tdixson@mhcable.com   Please contact me.  In the meantime, please know that you are in my prayers..........Thatchersmom, Terry

Baileys_Mom

Registered:
Posts: 17
 #19 

Dear Rhea,

 

Reading your story I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better...I can only lend my voice to the good hearted people who have responded to your heart breaking letter. 

 

When I read your letter, I could feel your pain...because it was my pain and in many ways, still is.  When you said he was your child...Bailey was mine as well.  I'd look into the faces of people around me (aside from family) and know that they didn't understand...knew that they thought...it was just my pet.  I wanted to scream in their faces...'HE WAS MY SON'!  Food lost flavor, life lost meaning...and as you said...the silence was deafening.  I was only existing.

 

And so many people told me...I'd feel better...time will make it easier.  I knew they meant well, but I couldn't see it.  It's 10 months later and I miss him...I miss him every day and would do anything to have one more day with him, but it has gotten better...and I never thought it would.

 

You and I have found a place with kindred spirits...people who have loved their little ones so deeply.  I, like so many others have told you, if you need to talk, I'm here. 

 

God bless...you WILL be in my prayers.  I am so sorry for your loss Rhea.

 

 

Karen - Bailey's mom

Christine

Registered:
Posts: 227
 #20 

Rhea,

I am at a loss for words - I can feel your pain in each and every word you write.  I know you've probably heard this before but I think you are being too hard on yourself.  What happened to Poochie was not and is not your fault - you can claim no responsibility.  It is the way of life - we come into this world and we leave this world.  It may not be at the moment we choose but it will surely take place.

You MUST remember the love, remember the good times, remember the bond you have. That bond will last forever. 

Please take good care of yourself.  I repeat these words to myself many times a day - "I loved you so much that I had to put you down".   It is the most selfless act that, we as humans, we are forced to do.

Be well.

With compassion and love,

Christine

 

"Snuggy"
Aug 19, 1991 ---- Sep 22, 2006

James1234

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #21 

Hi Rhea,

I am so sorry about your loss, I lost my sweet Westie girl Jammie, a little over a week ago and I lost her mom Lizzy this past June, so I know the pain you are suffering. It is so very hard when we lose something we LOVE so much, the pain is so real, and the hurt is unbearable, in times like this look to GOD for help, if you never reached out to him, reach out to him, he LOVE's you so much, I truly believe that someday we will be with our furry friends again, as long as we do GOD's will here on Earth. He is our only HOPE that someday we will be with our pets again, only to never be seperated ever again, That is why everyday we must THANK GOD, for  what he has given us, He gave you Poochie and gave you 14 wonderful years together, he brought her into your life for some special reason, only he KNOWs. Be the Best you can in so many different aspects of your life, talk to him and Thank him for her, and if you change the people around you and stand out, GOD will reward you and what better reward than being together with Poochie for ever. I know this isn't easy, but celebrate her life and not her death, you LOVED her so much and she LOVED you so much, she doesn't want you to be sad, she did her part here, and she will do her part in the next world, as long as you do GOD's will here . Take care GOD BLESS. jim 

mandismom

Registered:
Posts: 45
 #22 

Rhea,

Your not alone in your feelings.  I lost my precious Mandi 4/2/05.  My life will never be the same.  She was my baby for 14yrs & 3 months.  She saw me through divorce, dating some serious losers & heart breaks, losing my job of 11yrs because they closed the office, having to sell my house that I loved because I lost my job, living in a hell hole above a crack head,,,  finally things turned around.  I met my husband & she passed 2yrs later.  Now we bought a house, I had a baby two months ago & I have everything I've ever wanted except her.

My husband can't even fathom the pain that I've been in since I lost her.  He only knew her for two years. He often said I loved her more than him.  I don't even try to explain to anyone the hole in my heart.  I talk to her all the time & she knows how much I miss her.  I miss my best friend, my shadow, my daughter.  She's my guardian angel now.

I often wonder how I can live the rest of my life with the one that I love the most gone, but here I am 18 months later still alive.  

I know if I lost her during the lowest point of my life I would have killed myself.  I sometimes think she knew her job was over, that she saw me through all the darkness.  I still tell her all the time I want her to come home even though I know it's not possible.

Just keep coming here, this place is a life saver.  I know it saved mine.

Donna 

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