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mysweetCandy

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Posts: 1
 #1 
I'm sorry but this is going to be a long post. I wanted to write more and pour out every little detail but that would take ages. With the very little that I've shared, please bear with me.

Last year, on 30 September 2016, me and my younger sister took in a kitten, who was abandoned along with her brother on the terrace of a house. Her brother was taken up by another family and the frail little kitten,only a week, old was taken in by us. I remember how frail she was, and peed on my sister the very first time she held her. We bought her home and we had decided that we will keep her just for a week or so,until she finds a home. We named her 'Candy'. But as life has it, we grew so attached to her that we ended up keeping her. Candy did her magic on all of us and within weeks of her entering our lives , everyone in the family got so attached to her that she became the heart of the house.

Within two weeks of having her, we got news that her healthy brother who got adopted , had passed away. Since then, I was always extra cautious with her and her health. We had regular visits to the vet and we made sure she was a healthy and happy kitten and with time, she did grow up into a healthy and a very naughty cat! She used to look like a little tiger and we kept her indoors with outside visits, where we always held her in our arms.

As she grew older, she started getting very curious about the outside world and used to try sneaking out at every chance she got. After much trying to keep her inside, and looking at how much she wanted to go out, we decided to let her out but under supervision. But soon, she was going out on her own and coming back home after her little strolls. She made many cat friends outside and also used to fight we few male cats but in totality, she was happy and we were happy for her.  She never used to go far and always stayed near the house, and whenever we couldn't find her, we just had to call her out around the house and she used to come running.

We once decided to go on a vacation to our farmhouse on the outskirts, we took Candy with us. She loved that place! Open green fields, plenty of trees she could climb, no cars, endless terrain for her to run around. That was probably the best time we had together. 

We came back home after a week of stay, and Candy was now again back to her usual schedule of going out and then coming back home on her own. On 2 November 2017, she went out way early than usual, even though we tried to stop her, she just didn't let us hold her and jumped out through the balcony. We were hoping she would be back by lunch time, as by then she will be hungry. It was evening, and there was no sign of her. Me and my sister went out calling for her, still no sign , no meow, no ringing of the bell in her collar. We went out all around the locality, to look for her but still no sign. We thought to ourselves, lets not lose hope, maybe she is hiding somewhere, she'll come back tomorrow. 

Next morning, still no sign of her. We were all panicking, looking for her in every place, every garage, every nook and corner, asking about her from everyone. Still there was no trace of her. I felt helpless and took to the internet to look for ways to find a missing cat and decided we will first search thoroughly around the house and then even farther and on every terrace of every house and I was positive I will find her. 

Come Saturday morning of 4 November 2017 , the most cursed day of my life.I was just about to start searching , when I saw a fellow neighbor walking his dog. I asked him about Candy, and he said, "Please don't feel offended, but while walking my dog at the road near the park outside, we saw a body of a cat lying on the sidewalks, but I'm not sure if it was your cat. Maybe you should look."   We rushed, and we rushed like crazy, I was praying it must not be her! but somehow I felt it was. When we reached, we saw a cat lying on the sidewalk and a red collar with a bell lying besides her. It was our Candy.

She had been lying there for the last two days, while we were searching for her everywhere. We came to know from a guard nearby, that she was hit by a car while she was trying to cross the road :(  

What kills me inside is the fact that we kept her like a queen, and when she really needed us, none of us were near and she was lying there all alone for two long days. It kills me inside everytime I reconstruct in my mind what happened to her. She had the most beautiful eyes, the most soft fur, most fluffy tail and such cute paws, and when I did find her she wasn't talking to me in her sweet meows, she wasn't purring to me , she wasn't moving , she was cold and silent :( 

I'm hurting so much that my whole life seems to look like its one big empty vessel. My whole family is mourning and even though we try to remember her in her best moments with us, tears do roll down and heart does ache. She transformed our house into a HOME. She bought everyone closer and then she herself went away :(

She used to be always around me, and used to come to me for food and cuddles, always following me around the house and always running to me whenever I got back from work, purring, biting me playfully..I still have her marks :( . Now, she is gone and that too so abruptly and in a way I never could've imagined. I don't know what made her go that far from home, she always stayed near and used to come running in one call. :(  I just feel most heartbroken thinking of how I was not there for my sweet baby, she must have suffered so much and all alone. While I was busy with my work, she might be thinking of me in her last moments and then her body laid there for two whole days :( If only we had thought of looking there .. maybe we could've found her earlier. This thought of her being alone is killing me inside day by day. No matter how much I try to listen to positive things, I feel I failed.. I failed in keeping her safe and I failed in being with her when she really really needed me. 

I visit her grave daily and I talk to her, it makes me feel a bit better but this will always stay in my heart. My first pet, my first cat, my sweet Candy, stayed with me for just 13 months and left me heartbroken. Time will heal the pain but my life will forever have an emptiness which nothing can mend. I'm trying each day, to move with life but nothing seems the same. Every corner of the house , my car, my office.. every place has her memory. 

I wish no one ever have to go through a pain of losing their pet this way. She was the best cat there ever could be. I just hope she is happy running across green fields which she loved the most, and I wish she would be with me too, still following me :(  

"Remembering you is easy, I do it everyday; but missing you is a heartache that never goes away.I hold you tightly within my heart and there you'll remain; you see life has gone on without you, but will never be the same"    

My sweet little Candy <3
HeartBroken12

Registered:
Posts: 158
 #2 
Dear Candy's Mom ๐ŸŒท

So sorry for your baby's passing! Unfortunately I know the heart wrecking pain that comes with losing a fur baby.. I do understand that it is just hard to take positive to heart, specially when your loss is still so new. 
I feel for you and wish I could ease your pain! 

You have mentioned : "and when she really needed us, none of us were near and she was lying there all alone" ..  I am pretty sure I would totally feel the same if that happened to me, but you didn't know and you were searching for her! I have a feeling you did your best and your heart was in much pain and worries already. Really sounds like you loved her with all your heart, and if you knew you would have been there.

You saved Candy's life when you opened your heart and home to her! Don't ever forget that part. 
Sounds to me she was very much loved and taking care of! Letting her outside of your home you gave her freedom and made her happy!
I still do understand how you must feel tho.. but just trying to help a bit if I can.

People say that pets know when it's time for them to pass and they don't want their humans to see them suffering. I wonder if that could have been happening... but I understand it's is so painful either way. 
Is it possible she had some health issues also since her brother passed away? But I guess you would have mentioned that.

I like your quote and couldn't put it in words any better : "Time will heal the pain but my life will forever have an emptiness which nothing can mend. I'm trying each day, to move with life but nothing seems the same."

I thought it might help in someway to start writing a journal like you would talk to her and even adding pictures in it. 
Candy was lucky to have you in her life and even tho I don't like this saying all too much, but after all, you did the best you could at the time.

Many hugs and blessings!
๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿน๐Ÿ’–
VickyMJ

Registered:
Posts: 71
 #3 
There isnโ€™t much more I can add to what HeartBroken12 has said.

You didnโ€™t fail her, you did all you could by searching for her and at least you found her little body, which is better than never knowing where she was.

I keep telling myself that after losing my boy suddenly. I know you are in so much pain right now and it is at times unbearable but as you said, time will heal.

They will always be with us, in our hearts, always remembered.

Be good to yourself.

Vicky x
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