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exdogmom

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Posts: 1
 #1 
Hello I am new here and do not know where to turn and thought it might be good to at least write it out.  I've had my doxie Ringo for 15 years since I was a young girl and loved him beyond words.  He was the star of my life and then I had 2 kids in 2 years (2014, 2016) and he unfortunately took a backseat to them.  He was still loved beyond words, but not pampered the way he used to be.  In the past 4 months he had lost almost half of his body weight.  He had lumps all over him (that were there for most of his adult life) and was constantly itching them.  He all of a sudden started going to the bathroom everywhere and was so lethargic.  I should have gotten him to the vet sooner.  When I finally did, the vet said his heart was failing, he had a severe yeast infection all over, arthritis and probably many, many other health problems that he couldn't identify without bloodwork and testing.  I struggle to make ends meet and tried to make a pragmatic decision to refuse further testing and say goodbye then and there.  I held him in my arms and he went peacefully at almost 15 years old.  I never knew that the guilt i would feel would be so crippling.  I am not sure if I can live with myself after not even finding out more about what was wrong.  What if it was treatable?  What if I could have been with him another year or 2?  I could have maybe taken out a loan.  I feel like 14 beautiful years with him will forever be clouded by the last 4 months of a rough patch in my life and I will forever be haunted by this rash decision.  I have such a hatred for myself it is unreal.  Thanks for reading if you made it this far. :(
grievingmom

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Posts: 639
 #2 
We all have made pragmatic  decisions in our lives and afterwards had regrets and doubted the amount of time and thought we put into the decision in hindsight. Such is a part of life. But sometimes the consequences are more painful than others.

I wish you peace as you progress through this period of processing what has occured. There is nothing worse than feeling angst over an irreversible decision and in particular, one concering pet loss.

I kind of rushed into the ending of the life of my soulmate Tum's life. She was a dog and had been starting to get sick about a year before that fateful day. I however viewed what was happening with her as old age. Yes, I was concerned. I was not ignoring her symptoms. And no one symptom seemed deadly. It wasn't until many things started to occur that I really noticed, "something is wrong". 

In a desperate state of mind I decided upon euthanasia because I was stressed out of my mind and I saw no future for her. Between the two I jumped at the chance to end her life when a vet said she would if Tum was her dog. I did not think it through. I was childlike in that I saw it as a temporary fix. Sounds strange but I was thinking only in the present, only in the immediate. I was not thinking what are the long term consequences of what I am doing.

Tum was 16. She had lived a very loved life. I wish she was still her and miss her companionship.

I am sorry for your loss.

God bless you,
Stephanie
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