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Posts: 111
Hello group,
Most of you know I am still mourning for my little Hankie, but really feel my house is empty.  My old cat (who is 11) is very sedentary, and ill as well.  She suffers with recurrent consitpation, for which she will frequent the vet every 6 months or so, when I can't control it with the meds anymore.  Hankie was supposed to be there after Sarah passes to the  bridge, but alas, it has happened in the opposite.
Now, I have started looking for a kitten/cat.  I feel it will help me heal.  It is NOT a replacement for Hank, but I look at it as a recipient of the love that I had/have for the little orange man that I lost.  Nothing can replace Hank, and I know that, but a new little life to help raise, and to keep looking after the big girl is all I ask.  My husband is totally adverse to the idea- he doesn't want a cat right now, and he feels like I am treating Hank like he was disposable.  We have reached an impasse as to a new little furry life joining us.  I would like to keep it inside, as I don't want to pick up another animal off the road ever again.  He thinks it is cruel to do that.  I tried to run it by my mom, and she started yelling at me about how it is not the time for a new kitten, maybe I should enjoy my life for a while with just one cat, etc, blah blah.  I would also like another orange cat- I love orange kitties.  Always have, but Jack really thinks I am trying to replace him, even though I would like a female orange tabby.  Who knows what will pick me- could be something totally different.  I am so confused.  I dont' know if I should wait or not?  Everyone close to me seems to be mad at me for suggesting anything, and I am the one who is home, by myself with Sarah and feeling lost and alone.
Now, here is my question.  For those of you who adopted again after losing their special little one, did you get one similar to the one who left (similar in color, not in personality as every little life has its own personality) or did you get a furr baby that was totally different?  I am still drawn to the orange tabbies, but know that comparisons will be made if I do get one, even though am looking for a different sex kitten/cat.
Sorry for rambling, but am confused, lonesome, and a bit put off by my family.  I just feel that Hankie would want me to help another, even though he will never be forgotton.  He has just changed form from cat to angel cat.
Heather, Hankie's forever mommy

Posts: 846
Oh Heather, first let me say how sorry I am about your loss of Hankie (cute name by the way).  And SHAME ON YOUR FAMILY for giving you such grief!!  My goodness, what's wrong with people today?  It just amazes me that there are so many people out there who cannot and will not put the needs of others before their own (especially our loved ones).  It just blows me away.  I'm so sorry.  Come here instead, as we've all walked down the path your on and we all understand your pain.  Our pets love us so much - true unconditional love.  There's just no other love in this universe like it.  I'm having a similar problem with my husband.  I'm ready to adopt another dog, not to replace Gypsy or Luna - I could never do that (nor would I want to), but he's just not ready.  He also said he doesn't think he could adopt another yellow lab.  Luna was a yellow lab and was just a baby when she died at 4.  Gypsy was an old lady when she died, so although her death was horribly painful for us as well, Luna's was much more tragic and devestating.  We will adopt another dog some day and I know in my heart that God will decide when that time is.  I have faith in that.

I think when the time is right, Hankie (with God's help) will send a furbaby to you.  Maybe it will be another orange kitty, maybe not, but whatever happens when that time comes, it's meant to be.  I'm sending you lots of prayers today.  May God reach into the hearts of your loved ones and lift them up so they can comfort you.  And may God hold you in his arms and bring you hope and peace.  Many hugs to you.  God Bless.

Gerlie (Gypsy and Luna's forever mom)

Posts: 1,198

(((Hugs))) to you for having to make this decision.  In my situation, I brought home another cat just two days after Blackie died.  I did it, as you said, not as a replacement for Blackie, but more as a new little life to help raise and also to have another feline that would befriend Rufus, my other cat. 

I personally adore black cats, so I went on a hunt for a black cat.  I probably ignored other cats that would have been wonderful additions to my home.  In fact, to this day I still think about one little kitty that so very gently came up to me, put her paw on my arm and asked to be petted.  I still often wonder if I should have brought her home with me instead of the cat I eventually chose.  But for whatever my reasons (she was female and I was looking for a male cat, she was a white and orange kitty and I was looking for a black cat, her bio said she didn't care to be around other cats a whole lot and I one of the things I was looking for was a cat that enjoys being around other cats), I chose Squeeker (or should I say, Squeeker chose me!).  Squeeker is a wonderful addition to my home and he is about Rufus' age, which is nice because Blackie & Rufus were so far apart in age and now Rufus finally has another cat in his life that is closer to his age.  Squeeker has adjusted very nicely to his new home and I couldn't be happier with him.  With a little luck, he will be with me (& Rufus) for a very long time to come.

Anyhow, I don't have much advice on whether you should go with your heart and bring another kitty home now or if you should listen to your husband & mother's words and wait a bit.  I totally empathize with you because, as I said above, I brought Squeeker home with me only two days after Blackie died so I understand the need to have another - and a different - feline in the house, not only to love but also to help you heal.  But from what you have written, it sounds as though they too are mourning Hankie's death and are just not ready to open their hearts to another cat quite yet.  I live by myself so I didn't have to worry about what others thought when I brought home a new cat so soon after Blackie died.  But maybe, just maybe, you might want to wait a little and give your husband some extra time to get used to Hankie being gone as well as the idea of bringing another feline life into your household.

Good luck to you with whatever you decide to do.  The decision of whether to bring home a new pet is never easy and I wish you peace as you try to make this difficult decision.

Blackie's mommy


Posts: 11
Thank you for the nice message you left for Bella.  I think it is a personal decision for you to make if you want to bring another kitty in to your life.  I'm only one day removed and I can't think about it yet, but that is just me.  I was 30 when I go Bella, we never had pets growing up so her loss is especially hard on me personally.  I like how you said Hankie was your orange furry alarm clock.  Today I woke up late and usually Bella would roll over and lick my face and let me know that it was time to play and get up.  I hope eventually I will want another cat, Bella was picked up on the street and spent 2months in the ASPCA because most people didn't want an older cat. I wasn't looking for an older cat, but she picked me.  I am so grateful for the time I got to spend with her and I'm sure you feel the same about Hankie.  You will know when the time is right and if a cat catches your heart then you will know. 

Take care of yourself,


Posts: 774
I am so sorry you lost your kitty in such a way.
I know, you know that you cannnot replace your baby. Whatever color you choose, or whatever color chooses you, you will be happy with. I see so many kitties every day. I mean so many. Each kitty has their own personality, their own face and their own soul. I think it is easier to differenciate kitties from people, but I am a bit weird. Keep your eyes open. The rite kitty will choose you. You may think you are choosing them, but they pick their people. I happen to have an orange kitty, which is not the color at the time I would have picked had I been even remoteely considering a kitty to share my life with. Now I love orange and white kitties. Of course I love all color kitties. My orange cat became such a special part of my life so quickly in his own individual way.
Now, I have a friend that lost her orange kitty whom she loved so much. Well a couple of weeks later a feral orange Momma Kitty showed up and it was to late for her to be able to abort her and spay her without guilt. She was very very pregnant. So, she set up a place for her in her barn that was as safe as the Momma Cat would allow, and wouldn't you know it Momma had 3 or 4 orange kittens, a calico and a flame tipped siamese type color kitten. They are about 5 weeks old  now and doing great. But my friend really wanted an orange kitty after she lost hers. Now she has 3 or 4. Of course she can't keep them all, but she does have a foster home in the works hopefully.
As for indoor vs. outdoor, I have allways had indoor since I was an adult. Although I do have outdoor feline friends that I feed and try to help out if they are in need. I worry about them constantly. I would take them in if I could, but if I tried I would be living in my car with all the kitties and that would not be fair to my Rusty and unamed girlfriend(platonic) cats that I do have as mine.
I do not think that their lives are less happy being indoors. You just have to make indoor life interesting with interactive cat toys, cat condos, scratching posts etc.
In fact, my little unamed girl kitten was outside and feral when I took her in after falling 35 ft into a well and being stuck there 2 days. She ws 4 months when I took her in after her accident. She is very happy inside . She does not miss the outside at all and shows no interest in it except to watch the birdies. Now my big orange kitty broke through the screen once when he was an only kitty. My boyfriend found him hiding in the rocks. The other time was during the fires and I found him on the front steps cowering. No, I don't think he thinks he is missing anythng now. My screen is nw reinforced by the way.
I think whatever you decide to do your family will be fine with once they meet the new baby. Men seem to allways come around if they see that something makes you so happy.
good luck

Posts: 686
Dearest Heather

I'm sorry you lost sweet Hank in such a tragic way and at such a young age.  I live on a farm and have always had outside cats, so I grew up with the reality that many of them die unexpectedly--cars, coyotes, farm equipment, etc.  We actually got our first house kitty when a cat that my daughters loved was hit on the road.  They were devastated  so we decided to let them have a kitty in the house, but we also decided that we couldn't take the chance of letting it out.  I have gotten all of my cats when they were kittens, so they grew up only knowing life in the house and have never missed being outside.  I think it might be harder to bring in an older cat that was raised outside, but it probably depends on the cat.

We are struggling with some of the same issues.  I lost my orange kitty, Gus, 5 mo. ago.  I have 2 other kitties, Boo Bear and Bella, but I really miss my big orange boy.  My husband doesn't think we need another cat because we have two.  I won't even tell my mom about it because she thinks I'm crazy anyway--she's not an animal lover and can't understand why I would want one of those "dirty" creatures in the house.  Anyway, when we lost our first kitty, a beautiful black and white boy, we were adopted by my orange Gus, so we had a totally different color.  Now though, I I really miss having an orange kitty.  They are so special and have such a personality.  I recently looked at the website for our local humane society and saw a beautiful orange boy, but it brought the tears because he reminded me so much of my Gus.  Now I'm thinking of maybe looking for an orange and white kitty.  I am hoping that when I finally decide the time is right, a new baby will touch my heart and I will know.  I just have to talk my husband into it.  I do have a plan though--he's going on a fishing trip in July, so there may just be a new addition to the fam when he gets home! :-)

Whatever you decide, I think if you just listen to your heart you will make the right decision.  I truly think that your Hank will be by your side and will guide you through this.

Warm hugs and wishes
Kate (Gus' mom)


Posts: 205
Dear Heather,
I'm so sorry for the loss of Hankie, we all know how you are feeling, and this site is a great site to find understanding , compassionate has helped me a great deal...
As for adopting/rescuing another's my story
My Tai-Chi was a 8yr old collie/chow mix...we had to assist her to the Bridge 3 months ago and my heart is still aching....
Ive been looking on petfinder for years (Tai wasn't sick yet) just trying to see another dog who looked like my beautiful Tai and never found one..
On her 1 month anniversary, I lit my candle and was talking to Tai like I always do and for whatever reason I was looking on petfinder again...which I haven't done since Tai got sick and out popped this face on my was a puppy who was rescued from a gas shelter and she tooked like my Tai...I knew it was a sign from Tai-Chi and had to have this husband was alittle hesitant ,at first but when we saw her we just took her home...
I know she isn't my Tai-Chi and there is no way she could ever be replaced...but this puppy is something my friend said last night Tai sent us this puppy  to show us that her spirit never left us...
The puppies name is Kelee and she has so many Mannerisms that Tai had, sometimes she does something that we have to stop and think is this a dream, is this Kelee or Tai.... its fun having a puppy in the house again and even more special because I feel she was sent to us via Tai-Chi...Lisa

Posts: 1,234
Hi Heather,

As an adult, I have been owned by six Doxies. My one and only female was with me for almost seventeen years. She was a one of a kind dog and when she was in her dotage, we brought Silver into our lives. The day she went to the bridge, Silver was with us to say goodbye.

Hershey, my chocolate boy went to the bridge last December. he was a long hair and at the time I said no more Doxies. Sil and Mozie also long haired Doxie, dapples, were devastated by the loss of their brother. So we went to look at a litter of puppies. Enter Kuggel and short coated Red boy.

Each one of my Doxies is very different in body type and personality. Silver is the stoic and very mellow, Mozie does the belly dance and is the Pecks Bad Boy of the family and Kugs, true to the nature of the smoothies is the wild child puppy of the family. he and Mozie are a real pair, always and forever in trouble.

I hope this helps. Good luck, I would let Hank guide your choice.

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