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Rsanders9195

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Posts: 3
 #1 
I can hardly stand myself right now. I accidentally killed my two cats. I feel like such a piece of crap. I honestly have no idea how it could have happened. I have a 5 month old and he takes up a lot of my attention. Since having him I have definitely been very scatterbrained. Yesterday morning I took my two cats to the vet to get their shots. I also had to tote along my 5 month old which is a hassle. We got home and I got my baby in the house and he immediately needed my attention. I forgot the cats. I don’t know how I could have forgotten them. I absolutely hate myself. That was in the morning, and I didn’t go back out to the car until today in the late afternoon and that’s when I found them. They had been in the car for almost 30 hours including the hottest part of the day. It was 82 degrees that day. I can not express how horrified I was. I called my husband and was just scream crying and shaking. I don’t know what to do. I can’t move on from this. Please help me. Please don’t judge me. I don’t know what to do.
VBunny

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Posts: 32
 #2 
I am so sorry for your loss and the tragic event that took place. I can only imagine what you are going through right now. Please know that you will not receive judgement here, people are kind and understanding and most of us are going through our own guilt over the loss of our pets. What happened is awful but it’s an accident. You are dealing with a lot at the moment and just made a mistake. You obviously cared very much about them from what you have said and the fact you’d had them to the vets for their shots. I hope you can find some comfort soon, try to be kind to yourself, if this happened to a family member or friend what would you say to them? I’m sure you would support them and not treat them the way you are treating yourself. This is the intense horrible stage of grief and time will help though it may not feel like that right now.
VBunny

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Posts: 32
 #3 
Hi just checking in to say I hope you’re feeling a bit better today. I was wondering whether one of the pet grief support phone lines may be of help if you’re still feeling the same, I have read some other forum entries when this has been mentioned as helpful. Anyway really just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you.
Rsanders9195

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Posts: 3
 #4 
Thank you so much for your kind reply and for checking in. I’m not doing great, just taking it day by day. I’m being very careful about who I talk to about it as I know some people will be judgmental. But I’m looking into talking to a grief counselor. Driving my car has been hard as it’s a constant reminder of what I did. And doing things that don’t take my entire concentration are hard as well, driving, cleaning. It leaves my mind free to just think about it over and over. I feel like I’m constantly on the verge of tears. And I’m not sure my husband completely understands. He’s not mad at all but I don’t know if he can comprehend how devastating this was for me. I’m just trying to take care of myself and my baby at the moment. I still hate myself though. I’m having a hard time thinking that I could ever forgive myself.
f_defillo1

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Posts: 27
 #5 
So sorry for the loss of your kittens.  Three weeks ago, accidentally I left my Jack Russell terrier in front of the house late at night.  Without realizing, a slow moving vehicle approached and my puppy darted towards the vehicle, bit the tires, and rolled with the tires breaking his neck.  I feel so guilty for causing his death.  That was my daughters first puppy.  She was away on vacation with my wife and couldn't say good buy.  We miss our puppies with all our hearts and I relive the moment I got careless over and over.  So I have empathy with what happened with your kittens, and just can offer my support.  I take it one day at a time and hopefully I can begin feeling better.  Is not easy, our first puppy in the family, and just gone in 15 secs. 
f_defillo1

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Posts: 27
 #6 
Im so sorry to hear that. I feel I failed my family and my doggy, but I also understand we're humans. So Slowly I have to forgive myself for what happened. At the time of the events we were both tired, and dealing with other issues which impacted our capacity to deal with our pets. Today we're at the lake with family. I havent slept in 3 days and not in the mood to be here, but we had planned this about a month ago. So Im going to try and enjoy the day and take it day by day. Family sometimes cant feel personal grief and its hard when the questions start coming, so taking it minute by minute, hour by hour. Getting in touch with nature has at least help me cope with pain. God bless and have a good day.
VBunny

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Posts: 32
 #7 
Hi I think seeing a grief counsellor is a really good idea, I really think it will help and you will be able to openly talk it through without having to worry. I’m sorry you still feel so bad towards yourself, this shows how much you loved and cared about your cats. I think it’s a big step getting into your car again it must have been so hard but will get easier. You are not alone feeling guilty, so many people on this forum talk about their guilt, some due to the circumstances around pets’ health and treatment and a lot of people have talked about tragic accident, there are quite a few posts where their cats have been killed by cars, either by themselves or others when they have been let out. We are all only human and can all make mistakes at any time but that doesn’t make us bad people. Life can feel so cruel at times. I really hope you can find some compassion towards yourself and forgiveness. You gave your cats a loving family home which is sadly more than many get with so many animals ending up in shelters and being put to sleep. My partner and I argued a lot following the death of our girl, I have been going over things again and again and although he misses her too he seems to have accepted events differently to me. I’m sorry to read about your loss too f_defillo1, taking it one day at a time is good advice. Time does help, the early stages of loss are so hard. Big hugs to you both.
f_defillo1

Registered:
Posts: 27
 #8 
Thank you for the good wishes. Wife is being supportive as she was also attached to our dog. So I like being alone with her because I can be myself and verbalize a thought that comes to my mind without feeling judged. Extended family are with us, but other topics are discussed which Im not in the mood for. They dont seem tl understand because they didnt lose a pet in a tragic accident. I dont know, I miss my buddy Jack like heck. He was too young and was a great addition to our small family. He was the right fit for our family, very kind with us inside the house, but overly protective when we walked him. Im so freustrated because 15 seconds changed our lives. I see many dogs out there unleashed and dont react to moving vehicles or other pets.. I havent considered going to a counselor because my wife has been super supportive, but if this feeling of guilt and sadness continues, maybe going to a counselor is a good idea. I say find that person or friend that's willing to listen and emphathize and reach for their help. God bless you all and peace be with you.
f_defillo1

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Posts: 27
 #9 
Due to my dog's accidental death, now Im being overly protective with my 9yr old daughter. She tells me Im being to protective of her when she goes outdoor. I tell her we lost a puppy, couldnt bear losing daughter to an accident. Working with it, trying to give her some space and slowly move on.
VBunny

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Posts: 32
 #10 
Hi Rsanders9195 and f_defillo1. I hope you are both doing ok. F_defillo1 I think it’s totally understandable that you are feeling so protective to your daughter. I think loosing a loved one makes you question life but to loose your puppy in such a traumatic way and the fact you witnessed it is bound to have an effect. Sounds like you’re doing the right thing taking it day by day and talking things through with your wife, be kind to yourself and keep working through best you can.
f_defillo1

Registered:
Posts: 27
 #11 
Glad I was able to find this forum, express myself and interact with other pet lovers. I know Im not alone and can feel support from people going through similar situations. Healing is personal, and each person heals at their own pace, but hope you all find peace and healing with each day that passes by. God bless.
Rsanders9195

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #12 
Ugh I totally understand being protective of your daughter. I keep thinking to myself WHAT IF IT HAD BEEN MY BABY. You read about it all the time and wonder how anyone could possibly leave their baby in the car....but I thought the same about my cats so now I’m terrified for my baby! I don’t think I could forget him because he’s attached to me 24/7 but I keep going through the what if....

I saw a counselor for the first time today. Still have a ways to go but it was good to talk about it to someone separated from the incident and is not judge mental. I’m going to continue seeing her and I hope o can get some peace and healing :(
f_defillo1

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Posts: 27
 #13 
Glad you searched for help and hopefully feeling bit at ease. I have my up and down days, still dealing with the guilt I have. I still play in my mind the 20+ positive scenarios that could've happen and feeling frustrated of the worst possible outcome.. I also deal with the emotion I feel towards other people I feel influenced me letting my guard down. Wife tellz me that it was an accident, that I was always careful with the dog, and that I shouldn't feel so guilty or place blame on others. Hope to move bit forward every day and hopefully adopt another pet one day.
f_defillo1

Registered:
Posts: 27
 #14 
Rsanders9195 if you dont mind me asking what was a good advice or thought from the counselor that you could share if you want to. Thank you. Once I can overcome the guilt I think Ill be better.
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