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BettysMom

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Posts: 2
 #1 
Not sure how I stumbled upon this site but not sure where to turn.  I'm just going through the motions I guess.  My sweet little girl Betty was put to sleep 5/21/19.  She was a spunky, fun-loving Scoland terrier.  (Scottie/Westie mix)  This past February she was diagnosed with TCC (transitional cell carcinoma...bladder cancer).  A huge shock to everyone because she seemed perfectly fine aside from some frequent urination.  I thought she would just have a UTI.  She was doing great up until about a few weeks ago when she started to have some bad days mixed in with the good.  She would always pull out of those bad days like nothing happened.  Playing, running, jumping in and out of the car (car rides were her FAVE).  Fast forward to last Saturday.  Lethargic again and panting a lot.  Cried out when I picked her up.  Sunday she seemed to have lost strength in her back legs, couldn't stand.  I was in denial of how bad it was and just thought she'd pull out of this one as usual.  Monday comes and no change, pooping while she layed there.  That was when it hit me that this was it.  I honestly thought she would die in her sleep that night for how she was acting.  I just layed with her all night.  Tuesday morning we made the decision that she's had enough.  Took her to the vet and let her go.  Now I am struggling with guilt.  Why didn't I ask for more bloodwork or an ultrasound?  Maybe she was just having side effects of one of her meds!  I feel like she needed my help to get better and I just gave up on her.  My kids are devastated and my other dog looks depressed.  I lost my mom 2 years ago and this feels just as bad!  If not worse!  I miss her so much, and I feel so silly for crying 2 days straight over an animal.  I never imagined it would hurt this bad. :-(
Mondo

Moderator
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Posts: 994
 #2 
Hello BettysMom,

 So sorry for the loss of your furry family member.  Grief is a journey.  2 days is no time at all.  Don't feel silly.  You loved Betty with all your heart, and grief is the price we pay for love.  

  My losses are 4 and 5 years ago now. First Tuffy, then Toby.  I knew losing Tuffy would be hard, but it was much harder than I thought.  I lost my Mom the year before, and my Dad the year before my Mom.  Both of their passings were very hard.  But for some reason, Tuffy's loss was my hardest.  It was weeks of crying, sobbing.  The first year was difficult, so many firsts.  I did end up going to the Doctor and was on anti-depressants for about a year.  He felt it was the number of losses in a short time.  I agreed at the time, but in retrospect, I think it was just losing my best friend, Tuffy.  

  You did the right thing.  Please don't doubt yourself.  It's a great gift that we can release our loved ones from their pain.  She understands and thanks you, from Rainbow Bridge

  Give yourself time.  Allow the grief to come, and visit here as often as is helpful.  Many of us find that writing to our departed loved ones can be very therapeutic.  Remember the happy times ..

  In time the tears will be replaced with smiles.   But years from now you will still have times where it all comes back, and the tears will still come.

Hugs,
Tuffy, Toby, Ellie and Missy's Dad


KatKat

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Posts: 171
 #3 
Bettysmom, you are not silly for crying about your beloved Betty.  She was part of your family.  We love, nurture and protect our pets just like our family members and in return, they do the same for us.  It is normal to second guess ourselves and to feel guilty, however, you decided to let your sweet girl go because you loved her and didn't want her to be in pain.  I believe you absolutely did the right thing.  It's ok to cry and grieve.  Everyone has to work through it in their own way and in their own time.  Please continue to visit here.  I came her wracked with guilt, unable to eat, crying all the time and even though every day my mind still goes to a dark place for awhile, I'm not doing it as often and I've been able to start eating a bit more.  Reaching out to others on the forum and having them reach back to me has been immensely helpful and comforting.  I'm so sorry for you and your family.  
BettysMom

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Posts: 2
 #4 
My family already wants to get a new puppy.  I feel it's way too soon and we need to process this for a bit.  We've been getting out of the house and kind of distracting ourselves, but coming home and not having Betty jumping up and down when we walk in is a killer. 
KatKat

Registered:
Posts: 171
 #5 
I can't speak for anyone else but it may be your family wants the distraction of a new puppy to help them deal with their grief but I also get what you are saying as well.  As with any new pet, time and consideration needs to be given so that everyone is happy and comfortable with the situation.  Pets bring so much to our lives and when they leave us it definitely impacts us on so many levels.  It's good that you guys are finding ways to distract yourselves to give everyone a break from grief.  My thoughts are with all of you.  
Fairyswearboots

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #6 
Hi. I think I found your post as a sign. I lost my girl Nell last night. She had the same thing as Betty. And I went through all the symptoms you listed with her over the last so many months. Till two days ago she stopped being able to wee. She was in agony. The vet said the operation wouldn’t fix her and it was the right thing to do. I am riddled with guilt. I can’t deal with it or get her out of my head. I can’t stop crying. The house is so empty. She was 14 and my best friend. I hope you are starting to feel better and hope you have an idea how I can get through this. Xxx
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