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Posts: 44
Today is the 4th day since my sweet boy Moody was put to sleep. 

CANCER SUCKS.  He got so sick, so fast.  I know in my head that he is no longer suffering but in my heart I'm still SCREAMING.  I miss him so very much.

8 years ago in June 2010 I noticed a small cat in our back yard.  Then, walking out to put out some kibble and water for her, I saw a flash of fur, she had 5 kittens!  I worked hard on keeping them in our yard, a safe haven for them, and made plans to trap, neuter and return the mom, and trap and find homes for the kittens.

Not long after, momma and her litter was attacked by something - she was so sick, one kitten was gone and one had an injured leg.  The momma disappeared.  I was able to trap the 4 remaining kittens, and took them to the vet.

Moody, my boy, had been injured by whatever killed his momma and sibling.   So we decided to keep him, and the runt of the litter, Mini.  We already had 2 other cats, Demeter and Whitey, but hey, there's always room for more!

Moody grew into an 18 pound house panther, with a rather pronounced limp.  An xray had revealed that his shoulder had been permanently damaged.  A true lap cat.  Within 5 minutes of sitting down, he would walk over and slowly make his way into my lap, purring, making biscuits until he fell asleep with a long stretch and contented sigh.

He was a talkative boy, playful with his toy mice.  He LOVED the water bowl, and we'd find his toy mousies bathing in the water bowl (well, bathing or drowned)

In November he started having diarrhea.  I took him to my vet who examined him, took some samples and gave us medicine for the diarrhea.  The medicine seemed to help a some.  He was his same purring, loving self

Flash forward to the 27 of November.  Constant clean ups, he tried so hard to make it to the litter box, but it didn't always happen.   His appetite was great, but he was starting to vomit, too.  I was getting up earlier and earlier every day to clean up messes in the living room and hallway.  


I break down now.  I went to a vet recommended by a friend.  He examined my boy, thanked me for the stool sample.  They gave him a fluid infusion, as he showed signs of dehydration.  HE WEIGHED 12 POUNDS.  He'd lost 6 pounds!

After examining him, the vet asked his techs to leave the room.

"Moody has a large mass in his abdomen" 

I wept.  I didn't want to upset my boy, but such a devastating sentence.  We decided on palliative care, with the end to be when he stopped eating.  I would give him fluid infusions and had some meds for the loose stools.

I'm a nurse and work 12 hour shifts.  My hubby would give me updates on Moody by email.   I'd come home from work, we'd eat, the kitties would eat, and then he'd climb into my lap as soon as I sat down on the sofa, purring, as usual.   His appetite was...okay, but he was still eating "his chicken"  My boy LOVED "his chicken"  He was status quo.  And such a pro getting his fluids, purring even when I would stick him with the needle.

I worked this weekend. 

On Friday, he didn't even get off the back of the sofa to eat.  But he ate his chicken and some crunchy treats.  I gave him his fluids (such a good boy with those) And things were status quo.  

On Saturday night, he licked a tiny amount of his chicken off my fingers, then turned away. He was telling me... I slept all night with him, in the living room, with his favorite blanket. He'd be sound asleep, or dozing, then suddenly jump up, and run away, to vomit and cramp.  I got up super early and we snuggled, I needed to be WITH him.
Sunday, I got home from work.  My husband told me that Moody had vomited 3 times, all water.  He'd spent the day on the back of the sofa, sleeping. Moody didn't even smell his food, didn't put his head down to sniff it, even his adored chicken, tuna...nothing.  He spent every second in my lap, or next to me.  Again, I slept in the living room, springing awake whenever he'd jump down, to clean up the messes and reassure my boy "it's all right baby, I know you're not doing this on purpose"

Monday morning, I called the vet. It had been a long night, watching him, snuggling him.  He was so tired.  He'd wake up, cramp, try to get to the litter box.  Cramp, wretch, vomit.  Then, come back to my lap.

It was time.  He wasn't eating anymore.  We went to the vet...

And now he's gone.   

I miss this sweet boy.  I miss his silly meows. His weight in my lap.  My armrest on the love seat, he was so big that he was a GREAT armrest. 

The bed is bigger.  The back of the sofa is empty.  His sister has stopped looking for him, and has started to move into my lap (he WAS a lap hog).  I can't feed the others yet, it hurts too much to only fix 3 bowls of food.  

I'm relieved that it was pretty fast.  I'm relieved that his fight is over.  And (I find myself horrified on this) I'm relieved that I don't have liquid poopy messes to clean anymore, pools of warm watery vomit.  

I feel guilty that I didn't do enough.  I feel guilty that I'm relieved that the messes are gone.  The "kitty room" is so much cleaner. 

My heart has a hole in it.  The other kitties aren't like HIM.   His sister is the closest, but...

Moody, my heart.  Mommy misses you very very much.  I will love you, forever.

Posts: 1,191
Hi Kathleen,
I am so sorry Moody has passed. I loved reading your posts about Moody - black panther that was a lap cat. Sounds just like my Nitelite (childhood cat), Blackie and Squeeker - all black boys, all lap cats, all lovebugs, just like your Moody.

Cancer truly sucks. My Squeeker was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma - he had a tumor under his tongue. It was shocking because he had a clean bill of health just a couple months before and there was no sign of the cancer. We tried a new treatment for Squeeker - autoimmunotherapy that has shown very promising results for exactly this kind of cancer. Unfortunately we caught the cancer too late for the treatment to do its thing. So I had to make the final decision to put him to sleep. Like your Moody, Squeeker definitely let me know it was time to let him go. He loved his food, but when he was no longer interested in food, and when he was extremely wobbly on his feet and just wanted to be by himself and try to sleep, I knew it was time. So I let him go, and it was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made. But like you, I did it out of love and I know it was the right decision. 

Anyhow, sorry for rambling here. Just want to let you know that you are not alone and that I understand what you are going through. Everything you wrote on your post could have been written by me after Squeeker passed away. All I can tell you is that it really does help to share your journey with others, so if you are up to it, please keep coming back here and sharing whenever you feel the need to do so.

Hugs to you and your family (feline and otherwise) as you go through this journey...

- Kelly
Angel Blackie's mom
Angel Squeeker's mom


Posts: 44
Thank you for your kind words.  In a way, it's nice to know that there are folks out there who get it, who aren't thinking "geeze, get out it, it was JUST a cat"

I miss my boy, very very much

Posts: 44
Thank you.  I hate cancer

Posts: 377
Aww what a lovely story about Moody.. No wonder you are feeling the way you are Moody became a big part of your life. Especially since you saved him from getting hurt from who ever attacked him you were like an angel to him because thanks to you these precious angel was saved. You gave him a loving home where he knew they loved him. It just breaks my heart that he's siblings were attacked to so not sure what happen to Moody mother and siblings after you took him in. All I read was that you took them to the vet to get checked that is very nice of you for doing that. it means you have a great heart and you care for animals.

You had a wonderful life with Moody especially since you are saying he was a lap cat how lovely he must of been. I completely agree Cancer sucks that is so painful how could anyone have that horrible illness it's just so heartbreaking. It just breaks my heart how you don't have your precious little kitty Moody with you anymore due to these horrible illness. I just wish that  I could go away and not take any more of our love ones. I'm so sorry these has happen I wish I could do something to help you feel better but I know it's not going to help. I really enjoy reading your posts from your lovely Moody please keep sharing them with us.. And just remember you are not alone in your grief all of us here understand and Moody was not just a cat like everyone else could say. He was your baby your family of course it's going to hurt not having him my thoughts are still with you and your precious baby angel ((((MOODY))))

~ Mayra ( Princess & Blanca's mom)

Posts: 44
Thank you for the kind words, all.

My heart is still broken.  I miss miss miss my boy

I'm more at peace.  He came to me in a dream the other night and I woke up smiling

I miss him.  I wish I could have saved him again.  But I KNOW in my head that it was time.  

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