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kclaura

Registered:
Posts: 44
 #1 
Today is my first day without my sweet Moody.  He was a rescue, I tamed him and his sister from 6 week old feral kittens.  My boy.  My heart.  
Les68

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #2 
So sorry to hear about your Moody. I know how painful it is losing a loved one. Lost my little guy 5 days ago. It,will,take time. Heal at your own pace.
My heart is with you.
kclaura

Registered:
Posts: 44
 #3 
Thank you.  He was diagnosed with cancer just over 2 weeks ago - he'd been having stomach problems (I'm SO glad we don't have carpet) for a while, but...
I'm just numb, and in pain at the same time.
kclaura

Registered:
Posts: 44
 #4 
First day back to work. Coming home was hard. When does this lump in my throat go away?

I'm telling myself "Do not cry yourself to sleep again, do NOT"
buddy2k

Registered:
Posts: 103
 #5 
I wish I could tell you when it gets easier.  I can't wait till the pain goes away.  It helps me knowing that everybody here understands the pain we are in - it helps, but it doesn't make it go away.
I miss my Lilly so much.  It hurts & aches.  I feel like I am torturing myself by looking at every single spot she loved to sit in, where her food bowls are, her litter boxes - just every little thing she loved.
I know one day I will be able to smile when I remember her.  I know there is no rushing that, no matter how hard I wish it would happen.  I hope you are ok, and that you feel a bit better today. Hugs.
kclaura

Registered:
Posts: 44
 #6 
Day 3 - 2nd day at work.  Work was good, we were busy.  I'm a nurse, so being busy is pretty usual.

BUT the drive home filled me with such sorrow.

I fell like I'm driving home to an empty house.  It's not empty at all.  We have 3 other cats.  One of them is Moody's littermate, his sweet sister.

BUT I WANT MY BOY.  The dent on the back of the couch, behind my head...it's still there.  I know he's gone.  BUT I WANT HIM BACK.

I screamed and howled on the way home.  My throat hurts, my eyes hurt, my head throbs.  I'm so tired.  This morning I woke up and saw a black shadow on the floor - I knew it wasn't him, but my heart stopped.  It was Mini, his sister.  I think we're helping each other.
 *sigh*

Sweetpea7

Registered:
Posts: 34
 #7 
I’m so sorry. It hurts like nothing else I know! Been 6 days for me. Doesn’t matter how long we have them either. You’d think 20 yrs would be enough. Nope!i can’t stand how much I miss her!
I hope pray your pain eases sooner rather then later.
Hugs
Sweet Peanut mom
kclaura

Registered:
Posts: 44
 #8 
The pain lessens, then comes back with a vengeance, doesn't it? 

Breath easy, sleep...and then POW.  Raw, angry sobs.  

I miss my boy so very much.  

And thank you.  I read somewhere that the young have more of a capacity to cope with loss.  Perhaps that is why this is so hard.  Like many of us, I'm just not as young as I used to be.  

Thank you for your kind thoughts.  
arosettamason48

Registered:
Posts: 32
 #9 
kclaura,

you sure are right about that. I felt myself feeling slightly less in pain yesterday after looking so much into meeting our babies in the afterlife, but shortly after I put my phone down, that searing and aching pain was right back where it was

The hardest part about missing them is that we have to accept that missing them will never be cured and this aching longing will go on forever. I don't know how to cope with that

Hugs
Sweetpea7

Registered:
Posts: 34
 #10 
You are right. Seems to lessen ,like I’m experience today, .then comes back with a vengeance. I am 70 and finding this loss after many cat losses to be the hardest yet! Maybe because I’m catless first time in yrs. Also a widow.

Love and hugs to you both
kclaura

Registered:
Posts: 44
 #11 
Day by day.  Today I was doing FINE, I WAS.  And then the "oh my boy, my sweet sweet boy" tears came pouring down my face.

Your sister is becoming more of a snuggler.  I guess she couldn't get too close before you were gone, because YOU were my lap kitty.  She's learning how to snuggle, quietly, purring

I miss your contented little sigh you would give when you were fully completely relaxed.

Day by day, my sweet boy.

Mommy misses you so much
arosettamason48

Registered:
Posts: 32
 #12 
kclaura,

the noises that we will never get to hear again are killing me.. his little squeaks and purrs when I knew he was happy were my favorite things about him.. and now it is just deafening silence

I am still laying in my mom's bed. She just came in and told me to stop blaming myself and that it isn't my fault and her once soft and understanding voice has turned into a voice of annoyance and frustration.

so now I feel obligated to go back upstairs to my own room where it happened and I'm not ready for that. I was never ready for that but I don't know how to get through this. he literally lived in my bed with me.
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