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MyAngelBaby

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Posts: 2
 #1 
Hi everyone,
Ive never done this kind of thing before but Ive lost the most important and loved girl in my life today. Ive cried until it hurt and now ive been asking friends and family for pictures of her, looking for memorial stones and visiting sites like this for the purpose of hearing the stories of others to see if it will help me feel better.

My girl was a 13 year old cavalier king charles spaniel. Im a young man so ive had her for essentially my entire life. Other than my immediate family Ive never loved anything or anyone like i loved her. She was the gentlest, sweetest, most loving soul Ive ever been blessed to know and I will forever love her.

For quite awhile she had been going through problems associated with her age. Dizziness and deafness due to a recurring ear infection mainly but she was still a happy little girl. Whenever the infection was treated it would only be a matter of time before it returned. She had just gotten over the latest one when she was sleeping in my bed with me one night and decided to jump off, hurting her leg in the process. We took her in first thing in the morning and treated her the way the vet instructed us. Slowly but surely she regained mobility but now we were noticing problems with her appetite.

This wasnt new. We had always thought she was getting picky in her old age because she would eat everything besides the kibble we bought for her. But now she wouldnt eat or drink a thing. Things only escalated from there. She wouldnt move from her bed and would evacuate on herself, she would stare at nothing, vomit bile, the dizziness was kicked up a bunch, her breathing was labored and the hardest thing for me was her no longer acknowleding our presence like she used to. She was like this for a week until we knew she had to be brought in. We discussed euthenasia due to the amount of incidents and her age, but i didnt think hard enough on it. I didnt think about how this could be my final day with her.

I held her on the car ride there and i held her when she was on the table. We told her the symptoms and thats when we told the vet we thought putting her to sleep was the right choice.

I held her during that too but the part that haunts me is that i didnt know when she passed on. Her eyes were slightly open the whole time and there would be instances when i thought she passed but she would breath again. I tried to hold it together because i didnt want her to he scared but im afraid the last thing she saw was me crying when i thought she had gone.

I guess what im saying is i feel guilt over how long we let her go on in her condition and how i couldnt hold it together as she was being put to rest. It horrifies me to think she passed with any thing other than warmth and calmness.

Its only been a matter of hours and i feel wrong doing this instead of staring at her picture and holding her toy close to me.

I just hope she knew how much she was loved and I hope she went with no fear or worry.

Rest In Peace my sweet angel baby. I can't wait to hold you again. Daddy loves you now and forever.
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 546
 #2 
Dearest Anglebaby's dad,
Please let the guilt go. We all think that just one more day things will turn around hoping our babies will get better. But sometimes hope isn't enough. As for you crying while her soul left her earthly body only proves the depth of your love. Tears are a way for our shattered hearts to show how deeply we hurt. I know that your baby saw your tears and knew that daddy loves her and she was sad at leaving but it was her time to go. She was just as sad at having to leave you but her tired body was letting her down. Our babies aren't afraid of death as we humans are. To them it's a natural thing so for you to fear that she was scared is a human reaction. I can feel your love in every word you wrote. I know I thought that I let Termy go a bit longer than I should have and maybe he was suffering more than I thought but then I felt the guilt that I didn't do enough, maybe he would have gotten better. I was only kidding myself, old age had finally taken it's toll and I release him from his tired body. He is at peace now the same as your Angle baby. You wouldn't have wanted her to suffer and pass in pain. You did the right thing, the most unselfish thing and you did it out of love. It's okay to feel what your feeling but please don't hold onto the guilt. Honor your Angle Baby by remembering the journey and the love you shared. You were loved and loved back by a sweet little Angle.
love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
TazDad

Registered:
Posts: 26
 #3 
MyAngelBaby, I'm so sorry for your loss. Please read my post too and you'll see how similar all of ours are to yours. You're still young and maybe you'll get to share your love again with more AngelBabies. They would be blessed to have you in their lives. I'm too old to start it again, but I saved the sweetest one for last...
MyAngelBaby

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #4 
TazDad
Thank you for reply. Its getting easier. I still feel sad everyday and will cry on occasion but im starting to get back at it. My baby is going to be buried at our grandparents cottage which will always belong to our family so she can always be with us.
TazDad

Registered:
Posts: 26
 #5 
That's a great idea MyAngelBaby. I wanted to bury my Taz in his big fenced backyard since he loved it so. But, I can't live here forever and I was afraid some new owners kids would be one day out there playing pirates and dig him up. So I had Taz cremated. That way when I go, his ashes can go with me.
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