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Posts: 1

10 years ago I separated from my first husband. He became very unwell and it was decided that he was take our 4 year old Black Lab (who was my 30th birthday present) as his family thought it would help with his recovery. I used to have him at weekends but it became too difficult as a) i hated saying goodbye every time I had him and b) my ex would use him to try and manipulate me. So I said goodbye to him. Last friday my ex messaged me out of the blue to say that my dog had to be put down, and I just don't know how to cope. I said my goodbyes a long time ago and grieved for him every day since, but I had always hoped that maybe I would see him again, and that chance has gone now, and I feel like I am grieving all over again. My ex has said I can come to the memorial service but I am in two minds because of his tendency to try and manipulate me and use things to get what he wants. I want to say goodbye once and for all, but not with my ex present. but I know that if I ask for anything of my dog's or his ashes, he will only let me have them if i go to the memorial. Any ideas of how to mourn his loss and say goodbye without physically being there?

Thanks in advance

Posts: 2
Closure is necessary to start letting go. Will you be letting the door open for more hurt to enter if you attend? If you can stay focus on saying goodbye to your beloved pet, attend. Your ex and other critical comments are background to your primary goal.

Posts: 12
That is a good point that CharlieAbbey makes.  Attending the memorial could be uncomfortable and not be the goodbye you wanted.  In this situation though, there is nothing quite as comforting as grieving with family and friends.   
I completely understand wanting to be there with them.  It just has to be family and friends that support you and that you feel comfortable opening your heart around.

I don't know if any of these suggestions would help you honor your friend like you want to but I have heard of a couple of things people have done.

     Donate to a pet rescue.  It could be a donation to a Lab rescue group or an all breed rescue.  You also could find out when there are pet adoptions in your area and go by in person and make the donation.   In any event it would be 
     to honor your loving friend and any amount is fine.  It doesn't have to be a large amount of money.

     Find your favorite picture of your baby and put it in a frame and in a place "of honor" in your home.  The frame could be as fancy or plain as you would like.  If you are crafty you might personalize it.  Or put several pictures in a
     small photo album and have it on a coffee table or a bedside table.  

     Volunteer to walk some of the dogs at a shelter nearby.  They could have other needs instead as needs vary a great deal between locations.

     If you have any other family or friend that has lost a pet or that knew your pet, you could ask them to lunch or just a casual get together to reminisce about all the wonderful things you loved about your furbaby.  Share some
     pictures and swamp stories. 

I am sorry about your loss and hope that whatever you decide will work out the way you want it to.

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