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luckyluke

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Posts: 1
 #1 
I had two dogs i grew up with that passed away. One in July and the other in October. Jack the jack russell and Bobo the golden retriever. Jack succumb to tumors that grew and eventually impaired his breathing. He didn't suffocate to death we put him down before that. I wasn't present for it i was at college. Bobo's stomach flipped one day, and i was there. While Jacks death was devastating and i cried for hours Bobo's shook me to the core. We found Bobo outside just laying on the ground and wouldn't get up, so we got a bed sheet under him and took him to the vet. I drove separate. I knew on the drive over this was it we were going to have to put him down. While we waited in the vet Bobo just layed there. When i pet him his tail would slightly wag. I couldn't bare it. When it was time I sat beside him petted him and when i did he wagged his tail more and even lifted his head to lick, for a moment. Then i left i couldn't be there to see it be done without have a complete breakdown. 

I've had these dogs from ages 9-23. I was an only child without many friends, so to me they were my brothers my buddies. I've never lost a family member uptil then. So i enter a deep depression.

To save time i'm going to get to my point/concern. This happened over a year ago and i still break down when i think about it. Seeing comics depicting a dog's death give me panic attacks and anxiety attacks. I'm still in a depressed state no better than when it begun. I thought i grieved properly, but if that were the case things would have gotten better. I can't get the image of Bobo's last moments they haunt me. I loved this animal seeing him in pain scarred me emotionally. Writing this broke me down as well. I just don't know what's next.

I didn't proofread so please ignore grammar errors
FFforLizandDash

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Posts: 6
 #2 
Hi there (so sorry for tiny print, I can’t figure out hjow to fix),

I’m really sorry you are feeling so awful. Pain from losing our darlings can last a really long time, but if you look around online you’ll see that sometimes someone gets really stuck during their grieving, and it truly turns into an illness that they need help to recover from. I’m here because I lost 2 dogs on Jan 2, but I have also had clinical depression (also called major depression) for over 20 years, with some ups and downs. I want you to know that if you do have depression because of your grief, you should talk to your Dr. (doesn’t have to be a psychiatrist, a regular family Dr. is fine). There are a lot of good antidepressants that help get your brain chemistry out of the pit you’ve fallen into, and the chance is very good that you would only need to take the medicine for a limited time. It’s important, because the longer you go before your depression is eased, the harder it is to kick it. I went over ten years, and I will always have to take something.

If your Dr. is one who doesn’t believe depression is real (this is much less common these days, but could happen), or even one who doesn’t understand how important our pets are, please see someone different and try again. Antidepressants don’t numb your feelings, or make you forget your loss, but they do act as a safety net that keeps you from sinking too low, and the relief can be huge. It can make things bearable. And of course, you can also see a counselor to talk through the horrible grief. Most therapists are very familiar with grief counseling. Most communities have some low cost clinics, if your insurance doesn’t have good coverage for this. You could ask any minister, priest, or rabbi how to find these clinics, you don’t need to be religious.

I guess most people might start with counseling before taking medication, but I’ve had friends who have taken medication when in unrelenting grief like you, and also when they were getting divorced and were in a similar state, and they came to me and told me what a life saver the pills were. I think they help more quickly.

I hope you aren’t offended by my suggestions. We all have to go through the horrible grief, and it may always be there a little bit, but when it stays really unbearable for too long, Drs do consider it to be an illness, and they can help. I hope you find some peace where your baby can always stay in your heart, but you can get some relief.
L.
FFforLizandDash

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #3 
Hi there (so sorry for tiny print, I can’t figure out hjow to fix),

I’m really sorry you are feeling so awful. Pain from losing our darlings can last a really long time, but if you look around online you’ll see that sometimes someone gets really stuck during their grieving, and it truly turns into an illness that they need help to recover from. I’m here because I lost 2 dogs on Jan 2, but I have also had clinical depression (also called major depression) for over 20 years, with some ups and downs. I want you to know that if you do have depression because of your grief, you should talk to your Dr. (doesn’t have to be a psychiatrist, a regular family Dr. is fine). There are a lot of good antidepressants that help get your brain chemistry out of the pit you’ve fallen into, and the chance is very good that you would only need to take the medicine for a limited time. It’s important, because the longer you go before your depression is eased, the harder it is to kick it. I went over ten years, and I will always have to take something.

If your Dr. is one who doesn’t believe depression is real (this is much less common these days, but could happen), or even one who doesn’t understand how important our pets are, please see someone different and try again. Antidepressants don’t numb your feelings, or make you forget your loss, but they do act as a safety net that keeps you from sinking too low, and the relief can be huge. It can make things bearable. And of course, you can also see a counselor to talk through the horrible grief. Most therapists are very familiar with grief counseling. Most communities have some low cost clinics, if your insurance doesn’t have good coverage for this. You could ask any minister, priest, or rabbi how to find these clinics, you don’t need to be religious.

I guess most people might start with counseling before taking medication, but I’ve had friends who have taken medication when in unrelenting grief like you, and also when they were getting divorced and were in a similar state, and they came to me and told me what a life saver the pills were. I think they help more quickly.

I hope you aren’t offended by my suggestions. We all have to go through the horrible grief, and it may always be there a little bit, but when it stays really unbearable for too long, Drs do consider it to be an illness, and they can help. I hope you find some peace where your baby can always stay in your heart, but you can get some relief.
L.
wilt3566

Registered:
Posts: 7
 #4 
Hello. Firstly I am so sorry to read of your loss. I can totally understand what you are talking about. I too was an only child and our pets, in particular our dog, were like my siblings. We got our collie when I was 8 and lost her when I was 20. My grief was very similar to yours, I just couldn't seem to move past a certain point. But I was - I just couldn't see it, even a couple of years out. Everyone's experience of loss is different, so don't feel bound by what you think should be happening, or by what others tell you should be happening. If your grief is impacting on you past a certain point however - if you are still having difficulty sleeping, eating, if you are isolating from others and struggling to manage to do things then it may be helpful to talk to someone - as another person has said in the above post. This is a massive loss - especially having lost 2 so close together. Don't be ashamed - only a person who can love as you have will experience what you are now. 
Always__there

Registered:
Posts: 123
 #5 
Luke>
As stated, we, as growing up as only children have a ''special bonding'' with our pets. I do feel for you wholeheartedly as do the rest of Forum on here. You mention it has been a while since the passing of, why not reach out to your physician for a one on one talk. Talking it out is a great reliever VS keeping the sadness all bottled up. Do think seriously about and know, there is no shame in having the talk.
May the Memory of be a Blessing...
SherryXPerryX
caprikalke

Registered:
Posts: 1
 #6 
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my sweet baby Coda in December and it is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I remember looking into his eyes as he passed. It's one of my worst memories and nothing has helped me cope. I suffer from anxiety and nobody really believes me (which makes it a lot worse, but that's a whole other story) and when my dog passed, I lost it. I still can't get through the day without thinking about that awful day. It's gotten a bit easier to not break down in front of people, but when I think about it too much, I can't help myself and I just cry. 

Sending love your way.
Always__there

Registered:
Posts: 123
 #7 
Capri,
Saddened at Your loss as We all are on here...
The passing of IS the most traumatic aspect of pet loss. The longing for and missing his presence will be with for some time, how could it not be ? All the years of companionship and unconditional love they give to us is certainly worth the grieving process in the end that We all feel, I believe. You must remember.. the passing of is done in a dignified, painless and humanely, loving manner. As I keep telling myself... I try to view my wee Perry's passing and the Entire Movie of his Life and NOT the end snap. He lived just shy of 16years, a total of 5840 days. That is a lot of Movie Memories. May Codas Memory be a Blessing. Do find Solace, take it one day at a time. SherryXPerry
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