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Sweetpea7

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Posts: 34
 #1 
Said goodby to my sweet Peanut Wed. My 20.6 yr old tabby. After having to say goodbye to her sister just 2 months ago!
My heart is breaking.I knew they would not last much longer at their age but you’re never ready.never.
Peanut had a stroke suddenly Wed morning.i left her sunning in her usual sunny window spot.a little concerned as something seemed umm...not quite right with her. Came back 15 min later and found her on the floor laying flat on one side. I thought she was dead! Ugh!! I called her name and she looked up at me and mewed As if to say help me.😒got her to the vet who confirmed it indeed was what I thought it was. I had lost another cat to a stroke 3 yrs ago so I recognized the signs.

Sweet Pea was ...sis hope a sweet little(5pds)kitty. She was the runt of the litter. I bottle fed her and her sister Spanky. She struggled with arthritis in her hind legs. Was hard to watch her walk at times,poor thing. Vet gave me some meds which didn’t seem to help much.2 months ago(just prior to losing Spanky -kidneys,)Peanut had a blood test which came out good. 👍So despite her arthritis and her age ...and looking tired,...she was doing pretty good for an old cat. We are never ready are we to say goodbye.😒
I am a widow of 13 yrs...live alone...and now without my cats...
I can’t remember the last time I didn’t have a cat!this is way harder then I imagined It would be ...Somehow because they were old I thought ...it’d would be easier. How silly!! 20.6 they were with me. I am heartbroken!!😪

Thanks for listening and thanks for having this sight. I’m finding it helpful to read what other are going through.
kclaura

Registered:
Posts: 44
 #2 
I am so so sorry for your loss.  It's NEVER EVER easy, is it?

Hugs, my dear
Sweetpea7

Registered:
Posts: 34
 #3 
What plays in the back of my mind...could she have recovered? At 20 plus,She struggled with arthritis in her hind legs .rarely pooped in litter box because of it.which was fine on the paper.after which she’d have to rest as it put pressure on her hind legs..Walking was a challenge. .feel Guilty.sick.My poor sweet kitty.I ..just felt so bad for her. i😪miss her so much .!!we were pals.my heart is broken!😢
Lasweetbaby33

Registered:
Posts: 377
 #4 
I'm so sorry for your loss of your sweet lovely peanut, by the way lovely name. My heart hurts for you right now loosing a fur-baby to close to the other one is just so devastating. I can relate to your story because I also had 2 kittens one of them I rescued from the streets as my neighbors dogs was trying to kill her. The other one I got right after I lost my first one her name was princess. My second one was blanca both of them look so alike it was like they were sisters which was good to do. I never knew that kittens were not outside cats so we gave her the freedom to be outside running all over the place.

due that we left her outside so much she was killed by a car she died in the most horrible way that I don't even want to remember. The day I lost my princess I was so depressed that all my emotions were all mix I couldn't understand them myself. At that time I just to live with my parents, so my mother saw me so sad that she decided to go out and look for a similar kitten as my princess was. She did get one and at that time I named her blanca it was like she was a gift from my princess to sure if she had a stroke like your peanut did. Because ever since I had blanca she had litters of kittens and a lot of them started dying in the most horrible way. All of them including blanca right after I woke up all of them were to the side like yours and not breathing at all.

Since that happen all the time to my poor kittens it hurted me so much that I just stop getting kittens. I just don't want to keep losing them in the horrible way that I did so now reading your story made me think about my own babies. and even-though I say that I'm doing ok already I'm definitely not. I just say why do we have to lose our babies in such horrible way? now in your case your kittens I think were in their 20 years wow that is a lot of time you had them with you...Now its just so odd in why do you have to loss them why to close to one another its just so heartbreaking. I can't imagine the pain you are feeling right now especially if they were your only babies and you are left with nothing. My question is why does these happen to them do the vets even know why them have strokes and what is causing them.

I'm just letting you know that you are not alone in your grief I'm right here with you. especially since we both lost kittens. these website has been a lot of help for me to, but their is times that it just hurts so much to even come back in here. it just hurts me seeing and reading all the person losing their fur-babies day by day. Now I know that our babies are now free of no pain and I know that wherever they are now they are watching over us. Peace and love to you I hope that all the memories that you had with both your babies will be cherish in your heart forever.

~ Mayra ( Princess & Blanca's mom)
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #5 
I am sorry for your losses. It's so very hard to say goodbye no matter the age. My Heart dog (Termy) was almost 16 and a half. You are so correct, even if they are elderly it doesn't make it any easier. When they leave us, they take such a big part of our heart with them. It's been 15 months since Termy went to the Bridge and I am so lost and alone without him so I know how you feel. Be kind to yourself and grieve as much as you need to.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
Sweetpea7

Registered:
Posts: 34
 #6 
Bless your hearts I so appreciate your kind understanding words! Appreciate you sharing about your own precious fur babies . I’m so sorry for your losses 🙁
You’re right -they do take a piece of our heart. 😧I hate that they have to leave us- ever!*sniff*
I am without any cats for the first time in over 20 years. heart wrenching reality.
I hope to adopt another. ... someday ,when I feel ready . For now I’m thankful for this board and others who can relate to this loss and tremendous pain ! 😢
Sweetpea7

Registered:
Posts: 34
 #7 
The guilt has arrived.
My sweet little girl if I could ,if I had the power you would lived longer then your 20.6 yrs.i miss you so much!My heart aches! You were my pal. We were buddies. You looked to me for help when you struggled with your arthritis hind legs.for comfort. For help in getting in the chair we shared.loved how you ,struggling ,walked slowly with and behind me down the hallway.💜And immediately to the chair where we spent our mornings together.My heart is simply broken.😪
Sweetpea7

Registered:
Posts: 34
 #8 
Need to share how my life revolved around Peanut
:cry: I did so much for here.im heart sick.i was boiling eggs which ..I realized No longer will I get to share some of the yoke with her. :cry:

I don’t know how I’m gonna get passed this. I’m devastated.

After our morning on the chair with her she liked to go over to the table ,usually leaping from back'of chair to table,where the sun came in about 9:30. I’d pulled the curtain back to let the sun I’m.Its also where Id brush her before she settled into her sunny spot to nap.

Couple hrs later time for more food. I helped her get up the makeshift stairs ,if necessary. Fresh water. Take old bowl back to wash. (Was Always washing her bowls),(their bowls)Sometimes after that she’d get down from that table ,use litter.then with her little wobbly back legs,walkedslowly to where the floor scratching post was ,mid hallway,where she enjoyed sniffing the catnip I had sprinkled on it. Sometimes we’d walk to the kitchen and back. She a few steps behind me. She seemed to like that.
After a little excursion she’d come back to her room .climb slowly ,carfully,up to her bed ,or visit me on “our “chair if I sat in it....which was a bit hard on my back,but that was ok.she preferred sitting next to me then on my lap.

That’s pretty much how our days went.
I could see her easily every time I passed her room enroute to mine.so I could see at a glance how she was doing.
If she was awake,I’d pop in ,say hello .she would greet me with a sweet “mew.”so cute .if she was asleep when I walked in she would wake,meow hello,and start to sit up.she would almost always do that when I’d come in the room or dd.we laughed about that. Like we were royalty.
But..
The last couple weeks she slept through a visit at times...really slept! Which was unusual.

Anyway...Living alone you can see how my life revolved around caring for my senior cat.and I miss her!!!
For some reason writing my thoughts ,feelings down helps me process things and feel better.
If you read this,Thanks for listening.
buddy2k

Registered:
Posts: 103
 #9 
Everybody here understands how you feel.
I too, feel heartbroken, and devastated.
I break down and sob, every few hours.
I miss my Lilly so much it hurts.  The first thing I think of when I wake up, is how much I miss her.
She has been gone since Dec. 8th.  I look at all her favourite spots all day & it hurts.  She was by my side every waking minute we both had.
It's so hard without them, because we love them so much and we know how much they loved us.
I can't wait for the day, when the pain of the loss is gone.
I hope you feel better soon.  I'm so sorry for your loss of Peanut.
Love & hugs
Lilly's mom

Sweetpea7

Registered:
Posts: 34
 #10 
Thank you so much .your heartfelt understanding words are truly appreciated.
I’m so sorry for your loss !I know you understand the raw pain..Everywhere you look is a reminder. Daily routine changes and I don’t like it one bit!
Like you I can’t wait for the day the pain of loss is gone!
Hope it is soon for us both!
Love and (((((Hugs))))
Peanuts mom

Sweetpea7

Registered:
Posts: 34
 #11 
I’m sure I’m repeating myself but it helps to write,to share and to read everyone else’s post.

My sweet Peanut 20.6 yrs had severe arthritis in her hind legs causing a number of issues which I gladly dealt with but couldn’t help but feel,bad when she struggled to walk.was it fair to keep her going I’d ask myself.yes. Had to. I couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye unless something drastic happened. Well it did. Last week.
The stroke was so traumatic ! My heart broke for her!i knew in my head that it was time.shed lived a good long life and had suffered ,struggled long enough with her severe arthritis. Yet I am haunted ....Should I have waited to see if she wouldve rebounded?..... .i didn’t think it was fair to do that -at the time.Besides I don’t think I could’ve handled seeing her,waiting to see if she would recover only for her to continue to deal with her issues.
i am wondering how much longer before I can breathe again.The pain is at times is unbearable.i have no kitties to feed,take care of first time in over 20 years!
oh how I miss you shy sweet Pea! You Wouldn’t hurt a fly! You were The best cat ever as I often told you !it was true!! ::(
arosettamason48

Registered:
Posts: 32
 #12 
I have been doing the exact same thing...rewriting what happened.. rewriting my guilt.. writing out what I know I did wrong and what I could have done to prevent his death.. writing out all of the scenarios of what could have caused his death..
I have seen many people say they write their thoughts down in an email or in a text or a journal but that has never helped me.. there is something about posting every single last feeling and piece of your heart to strangers.. especially when those so close to you can't understand.
I have no one to talk to except one friend who is an animal lover, my mom who also is an animal lover, and my boyfriend who was the one who saw Greenbean at Petsmart and convinced me to get him.. but right now my boyfriend's father is literally dying and is in and out of the hospital. He loved Greenbean too.. not like I did.. but his death is not a concern to him right now with a parent on the brink of death. He has always been my rock and my second half and it took me a long time to find out who I was without him, but through all of that, Greenbean was there and now he is gone. I have my mom who has been so great to me, but I feel so lost right now. On top of that, I spent so much of my time in my bed with Greenbeam, so happy and beyond content with him, and sleeping in a different bed and laying on a different couch just makes me feel even less of who I was before Sunday. I just cannot bring myself to go up there when the last time I was up there, I found my baby dead. I know I need to but I am terrified because I know that the pain I feel now is going to be doubled over.
I am so lost. I don't know how to go on without him
Sweetpea7

Registered:
Posts: 34
 #13 
I undersand. I cannot go in the room where she preferred to be.so painful.
.i know it doesn’t seem like it will ever get better...it will. course right now i m having a hard time with my loss.losses. My other 20 yr old left in Oct.So the pain of loss is enormous!my world revolved around my sweet aging kitties.
take car yourself.hang In There. You are not alone .
Sweetpea7

Registered:
Posts: 34
 #14 
I thought I turned a corner but I am having a hard day! Reliving what happened How much I did for her to make her comfortable and make sure she wouldn’t fall as she liked having her bed up high .with her arthritis,her hind legs or leg would collapse on her at times. I worked hard on making sure things were such that she would not tumble if that happened.i was with almost all the time ...esp since July when her arthritis seemed to cause her more problems I thought it was time then but you hung in there.,..till the stroke..11 days ago.

Sweet Peanut you were amazing. Wouldn’t hurt a fly! I felt sorry for you as you struggled to walk. But you were a trooper. No meowing so if you had pain I wasn’t aware. I had meds for your arthritis but didn’t seem to help.Some days were better .eliminating was hard in your legs too.But aside,from that you were doing good. All 5 pounds of you. Glad I kept you ,the runt of the litter you gave me so much joy .but the pain at times now is almost unbearable!!!
Im getting a new kitty tomorrow as I can’t be without a cat but it can never replace you or Spanky girl..nope.no way .i know that!You were and always will be he best kitty ever. In my heart always. 😪
SashaL

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #15 
I'm so sorry, honey. Tonight I lost my beloved baby, Pigeon. He'd been with me for 14 years and was my best friend and shadow. No one has ever loved me like he has and I've never loved anyone or anything like the way I've loved him.
My heart is absolutely shattered and this grief is so painful and terrifying. I don't know how to get through this so I'm wanting to reach out and connect with other people who understand this pain. I'm sending all my love, feel free to talk with me anytime, hon; and that goes for all of you guys too! /hugs and love
Sweetpea7

Registered:
Posts: 34
 #16 
Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry !! Weeping for you. I know ,I understand what you are feeling! The pain,is at times terrifying.Imakes me sick to my stomach .makes me want to run away. I’m in tears again this morning as I ache for my two pals,...my much loved two 20 years old kitties. They were my life.that I raised from babies.ive been through losses before but have always had other cats to help me through.I know it will get better but for now it’s excruciating!both gone in 2 months is too much.way harder then I ever imagined.!!

My heart and prayers go out to you Sasha.14 years is a long time too.Shadow what a lovely name.
Love and hugs,

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