Registered: 1527033463 Posts: 2
My sweet baby girl yorkie Nemo drowned in the pool last week. She was 14 years 3 months old. I’m devastated and sick with grief. I can’t stop thinking about her little body floating in the water, I will never be able to forgive myself.
In the past couple of months I noticed she had started to lose her eyesight and I felt she was also not hearing very well anymore. She also had age related arthritis in one hind leg and would, for the most part, not put any weight on it. She was on arthritis medication and didn’t like to walk much. She was never a barker but she had started barking at various times throughout the night and early mornings and I would wake up to hold her and comfort her. Every day we would put her on the far side of the grassy backyard so that she would get some movement making her way back to the patio door with our other dog. Nemo was very familiar with the backyard setting and just altogether a very cautious dog. When we moved into our house with the pool 3 years ago, initially we didn’t even have a pool gate and Nemo would be out in the backyard and at times she would go to the edge of the pool and always walk back. I had taken her inside the pool a few times and she would never paddle at all. Last year we decided to put a pool gate all around the pool to secure it for our child and our fur babies. In the past couple of weeks I started getting this fear that Nemo would somehow fall in the pool, even though the iron gate door was always closed with a latch. I just couldn’t shake of the feeling and would always panic when she was out of sight in the backyard. Last week I slept in and my other half took the dogs out as usual. When I woke up half an hour later I immediately went to check on Nemo. I looked straight out to the pool and my heart sank. Oh my God, how could that have happened. The iron gate was locked. I ran to take her out of the pool but it was much too late. My baby was gone. I held her, I kissed her little face, her little belly and her paws and smelled her all over. I cried and cried some more. I’ve been walking around the pool gate every day wondering where she squeezed her little body though. I know the gate was locked, she squeezed her little body through the iron rail spacing. I wonder if she felt pain. I’ve been reading so many posts and many people say that dogs go to the water to die. I don’t know if that is true, but I think about the gnawing gut feeling I had and the fact that it was so out of character for her to squeeze herself through the rail spacing...it doesn’t ease the pain as I feel like I was so oblivious to her pain. She never showed any signs of anything except the arthritis problem. I feel I failed her, I didn’t protect her when I needed to the most and I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye to my baby. My heart is shattered and the pain is unbearable.
Registered: 1395286177 Posts: 58
Hi NemosMom... I am so so sorry for your loss, that had to have been gut wretching! I am crying with you and for you...That accident was way beyond your control and that's what it was, an accident. You mentioned that she was not seeing as well. It's possible she got disoriented and walked into the pool. I had a 16 yr old female yorkie named Mocha who I lost to kidney disease. The pain is intense cuz i am right there with you. Try not to be too hard on yourself because in our grief, guilt is always a part of it. I too have guilt and almost everyone I have talked to is feeling guilt too. I don't know why though, it just seems to be part of it. You loved your little Nemo and she knew it. You cared for her and was there for her. This might take you awhile but there is hope that you will come out of this stronger and it will get better, I promise. But it absolutely ok for you to cry, scream, yell punch your fists, whatever you need to get it out. I have been doing the same. Take care of yourself...she loved you with all her heart~ Take care Mocha's Mom
Registered: 1516890861 Posts: 92
I'm sorry for the loss of your beloved Nemo. I know it is very painful - praying you find peace. ((hugs))
Registered: 1527033463 Posts: 2
Thank you for your kind words. At times I try to find peace and convince myself that she is no longer in pain etc but then it hits me so hard and my heart hurts so bad. I miss my baby 😥