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Posts: 774
He was my cat. It is so strange and empty feeling to say was. There are no words to describe what I feel.
It is as if someone took a cheese grater to my soul. It is agony. Not a lump but a volcano inside me that continues to erupt blanketing me with cold dispair. I feel guilt remorse sorrow pain and it doesn’t stop. Certain things play over on repeat in my head and that overshadows all. It doesn’t stop.
I am exhausted all the time. I don’t want to get out of bed much less leave the house. At work I have to put all of this behind a well constructed wall in my mind but it keeps crumbling.
I want my time back. I want to go back and do things different. I made so many mistakes. I would like a do over please.
All of this is so unfair and I am aware this is life and death is cruel I just want another chance. Just a do over please.

Posts: 1,821
how well I know those words, that feeling. How many small souls I have buried, how many times did I find one that nature or man's progress took, how many times did I wake and they simply were no longer there one day, how many times I have cried behind a painted on smile, how many times I have longed and ached for a do over . . . . . but we can only do what we can. How many of my feral colony I could only touch after . . as I afforded them at least a dignified burial. How many times have I wished I had known more sooner - had more resources available before it was too late. We can only do our best and offer them what we can. But in the end even those we could not save or ever touch in life knew they mattered to us, that they were/are loved. And in the end they know we have tried our best.

Posts: 104
I am so sorry.!,

Posts: 774
Thank you. I am sorry for your pain.

This was Rusty. My cat. I had him 14 years. He had many illnesses. Renal failure. Heart disease. Intestinal lymphoma. And more.

His favorite thing to do was sit on me or lay down next to me. That was all he wanted. He was the sweetest cat ever and my best friend. I miss him so much I can’t function anymore.

Thank you for responding. I hope you are well.

Posts: 17
Dear Loudpurring.
I relate to everything that you said. We may have made mistakes but I know that we did it out of love.
Take care.
My best,
Sara's Mom
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