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MommaBiscuit

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Posts: 14
 #1 
Hello everyone, it's been seven weeks from tomorrow since my baby left me, and it's been a very hard 7 weeks. I've learned to tuck away my sadness and leave it for night when I bawl my eyes out. I just can't think about him during the day because I will burst into tears.

Anyway, what's causing me the most grief and distress right now is my last moments with my baby. He was doing really poorly that night, and I came down to check on him after trying to force feed him an hour ago. I didn't stay with him after I tried to force feed, instead I went upstairs to watch TV with my fiance. I feel so guilty about not being with him, but he hopped under the bed and I thought he wanted to be alone. Anyway, when I came down and looked under the bed for him, and he immediately hopped over to me, but kept falling down because it was so hard for him to keep his balance. I knew then that he wasn't going to make it. Then he started convulsing and I just screamed. When he finished, he laid down on his side and I could see him going. I panicked and ran upstairs to wake up my parents. I left him alone during his last few moments with me, instead of being with him. I wish I was calm during that time, and wish that I had spoken gently to him and told him how much I loved him. But instead, I screamed and left. I was in such a state of shock, and I feel so guilty about letting him down. He used his last energy to come see me, and I left him alone. I wasn't there for him. I just can't get over this- I can't get over how horribly I acted. The guilt is overwhelming and I'd give anything to rewind so that I could hold him and kiss him one more time.

I hear so many people talking about their last moments with their babies, and they handled it so well. I wish I could've been stronger. It was such a surprise that he was going to die, and I wasn't prepared for it. I'm so sorry Biscuit.

Did anyone else just completely freak out during their last moments with their babies? Please tell me I'm not alone.

Biscuit's mommy

mollymom

Registered:
Posts: 40
 #2 
My dear dear girl.  (a big big hug) Please please don't beat yourself up anymore than you already have. You were scared.  Due to your young age, Biscuit's last moments were probably one of your first experiences with death.  We older folks have lost grandparents,  parents, many pets, and probably friends too, we just are more, sadly, experienced. 

It is natural for us to be scared of death and you were losing a loved pet...difficult no matter your age, experience or self-perceived wisdom.  You went for your mom for comfort and ressurance and because you were scared and unhappy, again natural, and little Biscuit passed at that time.  Not your fault, you can't control the timing of the universe.

We just have so little say or role  in the passing of a loved one, human or animal.  It is their time and their agenda.  I sat with my father for hours and hours and hours, and he died in the one hour I tried to get some sleep and some dinner. You just never can know when or how a life will end.

You obviously adored your bunny, and that is what matters.  He was loved and loved and loved in life, and missed in death.  That is all you need to know..that he knows he was loved for years.  Don't berate yourself about last minutes..remember the years of love, lots of bunny love. 

Hope this helps  (hugs my friend)
mariamyt78

Registered:
Posts: 130
 #3 
My miou passed away in my arms... I was all alone, my parents in the next room, really late, 2 in the morning but no one was there for me.... i was crying but i hold her and did not want to leave her... I did not want her to feel alone.. my only company was her brothers and sisters who were next to me, they seemed to understand that something was wrong.. I remember how they watched me with my tears running on the floor and the tried to comfort me... Miou was continually into my arms till her last breath... I keep holding her after she passed away, i did not want to leave her... The next morning i buried her... no one was there for me again.... I really don' t know how i did that, i was feeling so frozen and i was shaken from head to toes.... But i could not have done anything else... I was her last comfort, i needed my last three hours with her (.. she was in my arms for three hours)...
For sure you are not alone.. Every person acts differently... Every time is not the same.. I don' t really know how i did that... I could not sleep after that for days, always remember those last hours... Always feeling the same... Broken, emptiness, so much pain and a huge WHY...?
Your Biscuit knows how much you love him, you did not let him down.. You wasn' t prepare for that... Just think he is happy and healthy now and that one day you will meet him again and you will hold him tight in your arms....
RIP Biscuit...
Maria..

leonor

Registered:
Posts: 214
 #4 
If it wasn't for this you'd be beating yourself over something else.. Trust me on this.

You loved your friend and you were concerned and afraid. Nothing more natural than that? How could that be wrong? It isn't.

The people who love their pets feel guilty over many things.

I feel guilty for not having held Sashimi in my arms instead of only petting her and stroking her. I feel guilty for not having been able to be with her 24/7 in the hospital because they had visiting hours. Does that make me a bad pet parent? No. But it sure feels lousy to me.

What I mean is: don't beat yourself over it. You panicked because you were scared of losing your friend. That's OK. Biscuit understood that.
rottiesrule

Registered:
Posts: 596
 #5 
Don't feel badly. I felt alot of guilt over Bubba for a long time. I decided that he is too important to me to have anything take away from the memories I have of him. We do the best we can at the time. That's all there is. We handle things in our own ways, but deep down, our babies know we love them, we will remember them always and just because they're gone, it doesn't mean they aren't still around us.

Remember the good times, don't let that one moment become all you remember of your Biscuit. I hope you find peace.
Buffaronie

Registered:
Posts: 94
 #6 
I was the same way when my Buffy passed.  My thoughts reverted to times I gave her a swat on the butt for one thing or another...for leaving her with friends last Christmas, not knowing it was going to be her last.  For the nights we went out and left her at home, oh it has just haunted me.  But then I remember all the fun we've shared.   The bottom line is, you loved your Biscuit without reservation as I did Buffy and they loved us unconditionally.   The memories are to with us forever.  My wish for you is to find inner peace, we are all human and react to situations differently.  

Lois  Buffy's Mom 

Darian

Registered:
Posts: 282
 #7 
You're not alone.   Captain hopped over to a mattress we had layed out on the living room floor (in anticipation of sleeping next to him because he didn't seem like himself) and then fell over and collapsed.  I ran away to get the phone to call the vet.  Fortunately my husband and sister were there.  They spent his last moments with him.  But I used to feel terrible about his last sight of me, running to get the phone.  I felt he wouldn't have known I was trying to help.  Just me running away.   However,  I hope it helps you to know that after he convulsed,  my husband is certain that he was no longer "conscious"  even though he was breathing for a while while they held him.  By the time I returned, and held him,  he wasn't taking any more breaths.   Biscuit probably was not conscious of anything past the point of his convulsion.   He only remembered that you were there when he hopped out from under the bed and said good-bye.  Dogs are like that - they don't sweat the small stuff.  He didn't need last words from you, or last sight.  His last smells were of you and his home.  That's priceless to your little one.
Darian
anneliza

Registered:
Posts: 21
 #8 
Yes, I've beat myself up over that last night. I wasn't even with Jazz when she passed and I feel guilty about that and have hoped that she didn't think I abandoned her. She was sick and it was the middle of the night and I had to take my seven year old son with me to the emergency vet. They said they were going to do blood work and give her some medication. I had no idea she would die while I wasn't there. I had to take my son home. Then I got a call a couple hours later that her heart had stopped.

I believe that it is true that I would have found something to beat myself up about her last moments one way or the other. I went through that last night with Jazz in my mind over and over and saw so many things that I thought I should have handled differently.

I think it will just take a while before we realize that they know we loved them.
Donhere

Registered:
Posts: 1
 #9 
I lost my Maddie, a 4 and half year old Cockapoo, I do know how everyone feels when you feel guilty about what could have been done to prevent your pets passing. Every day I think of her, and its hard. I cry just about every day since her passing, and it was just last Tuesday. I try not the think and keep busy, but as soon as a commercial comes on TV with a dog, I just can't help thinking. I see her face all the time, and when doing something around the house, I just can't help thinking , where is she.. Then I do something to keep busy, but then still can't get her out of my head. I have been told that things will get better, and I hope so. Sometimes it is good to get another pet, but I don't know if I could go through something like this again. Things will get better, I know it. I think that the pet that has passed, that they would not want you to feel this way. Think about it, when you are sad, they were there to cheer you up, but now that they are gone, deep inside they are still with us. 
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