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BeansMoM

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Posts: 7
 #1 
I had to put down my 12 year old black lab Beans today. She had cancer and her tumor ruptured a few months back, and was a fleshy growth on her back, that she would lick and gnaw at all day long and make it bleed. After taking her to the vet 3 weeks ago they said it was infected and would have to be removed. I didn't want to put my old girl through a surgery that "might" fix her. Also without removing it, it would continue to get infected and could become worst. So I made the decision to put her down, so she wouldn't be in any pain or discomfort anymore. 

Beans is gone, and I have so much guilt about it. Maybe I could of kept her a little longer. On top of being brokenhearted and dealing with that, I have so much guilt about laying her to rest. Will this every go away?

Please help
twinkiesmom

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Posts: 844
 #2 
I am sorry for your loss of your dog Beans. I know how hard it is making the decision to let them go. I don't think it matters how they die we all seem to feel the need to blame ourselves. As if we aren't hurting enough just learning to live our day to day lives without them by our sides. My very wise and wonderful vet told me it is better to release them from their pain one day earlier than one day late. I have seen proof of that from my own experiences with my pets. I think you made a wise decision. You followed what your heart was telling you, preventing her from further pain and suffering. I recently lost my little fourteen year old dog with kidney disease. She did amazingly well for eighteen months but within a week that changed drastically and I knew it was time to say goodbye. I miss her so much but it was the right thing to do, she is at peace. In time your tears will lessen and all the good memories of your lives together will bring smiles, Beans would want that for you.
BeansMoM

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Posts: 7
 #3 
Thank you so much for your kind words. Its been just over 24 hours since she's past and  I'm still so sad. The house has a weird emptiness/silence to it now. ( I live alone) her energy is gone. I did smile for a brief moment today. A rather large black butterfly flew right towards me and I thought of her right away. I even said out loud "Beans is that you?"  She was a black lab. I miss my furbaby.
grievingmom

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Posts: 642
 #4 
Guilt is a form of sorrow. And  yes, as time progresses you will get a different take on everything that has gone down.

Your pain therefore will lessen.

Someday, you will get better.

Take care,
Stephanie
twinkiesmom

Registered:
Posts: 844
 #5 
I believe in signs and so do many others who come to pet loss. The day before Piper died I was sitting on the deck with her. The sun was warm and she was so content laying on my lap. As we sat there I heard a cardinal in a tree singing his heart out and there was a big squirrel in our backyard chattering away. Piper normally would have been barking her head off trying to chase the squirrel if she saw it. She had lost her hearing and I believe she was losing her sight. When I came home from the vet the next morning I went out on the deck and sat in our chair crying my heart out. Suddenly I heard a cardinal singing in the that same spot in the tree.
So due to the fact Beans and the butterfly both being black maybe her spirit was letting you know all was well. Day by day you will feel a little better and smile as all the memories you made together come flooding back.
BeansMoM

Registered:
Posts: 7
 #6 
Thank you both for your kind words. I miss her like crazy. I was able to bring her remains home the other day, it made me feel a little better knowing she is home with me.
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