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arosettamason48

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Posts: 32
 #1 
The last 9 hours have been awful for me.. with each passing hour of the day since this tragic incident occurred, I am losing more and more of myself. I don't know who I am without Greenbean and his constant love and affection and happiness over seeing me. I have suffered from depression for many years and he made me feel like I had a purpose in this life.

Last night my boyfriend was supposed to see me after work because all I've wanted to do is just lay with him and cry in his arms. Back in May, he had gone to Petsmart for stuff for his dog and that's where he first saw Greenbean. He kept going back just to look at him and I finally went with him one day and right after that, he came to my house with Greenbean in a cardboard box and my heart was filled with so much joy.. I figured if anyone could make me feel like who I was before Sunday, it would be him.

His dad has been having health issues and he wasn't able to come over. I hadn't heard from him all night so I asked about his dad and he basically just told me to leave him alone. He said he was going through too much, which I understand, but when his dog passed away I was by his side and I cannot even imagine speaking to him that way.

Waking up today has been the hardest day. The reality has set in that Greenbean is never coming back. I lived and breathed by him. Everything I did was for him and for his happiness. I see him in everything. There is a giant bag of lettuce in the fridge that I got for him on Sunday just a few hours before this happened. It is untouched just like the fresh bag of hay. Everything has frozen.

This feels like an out of body experience. Before Greenbean, my boyfriend was the only thing that made me happy and he was the light of my life and I lived for him as well. Now that I don't have Greenbean, I need him more than ever and he's not there. So I feel even less of who I used to be. And I am still staying downstairs because I can't go upstairs and everything just feels so wrong and I feel so lost and confused and I don't even know what to say or do anymore. And all I can do is ask why.. why did my best friend have to be taken from me.. why..
Sweetpea7

Registered:
Posts: 34
 #2 
I’m so sorry . I’ve been dealing with the same thing today. I my sweet Peanuts caregiver . I helped her whenever I could with walking,going up the steps I made for her make,sure her arthritis hind legs didn’t cause her to fall.... at 20.6 I knew couldn’t be couldn’t be long but you are never ready.never.
I get your pain arose.Hang in there,

Prayers and hugs,
Peanuts mom
arosettamason48

Registered:
Posts: 32
 #3 
It pains me so much to know that we are their caregivers do absolutely everything we can to make sure they are safe and that they are not in harms way, and then out of nowhere, they can just be gone in a single instant. I can't wrap my mind around that

Thinking of your Peanut
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