Registered: 1562139351 Posts: 3
I cried all day thinking of my PJ I couldn’t eat or work. I cant look at that pool, I hate it. But about midnight last night my husband came home and told my boys and I that there was a butterfly 🦋 at the door, just sitting on the doorbell. I said that’s a moth, he said no and it’s a big pretty butterfly. So my boys and I opened the door and sure enough there was a big orange butterfly!!! My husband told my boys that the butterfly was PJ and the butterfly flew into the house much like my PJ would slip past me into the house. It took us an hour watching him fly around and land on various objects before my husband told us we had to let him go. My boys and I cried so hard and my baby son asked why we couldn’t catch and keep the butterfly. My 10 year old said to him, it’s PJ and we have to let him go so that he can be free with the other butterflies now.
I’m crying as I type this but that butterfly made me so happy.
Registered: 1566060267 Posts: 3
It has been 3 year since I lost my dog, she too drowned in our pool. She was old, going deaf and blind but she was still so happy! We had friends over and our 2 dogs were coming and going inside and outside all night as they usually did. We were all so wrapped up in talking with our friends that we didn't notice that she hadn't come inside... Our friends left and we went to bring the dogs in for the night, after calling a few times my mum went down the stairs to look for her. I can still remember hearing her scream and how my heart broke when I heard it. My mum pulled her out and we attempted CPR but she was gone. We wrapped her in a blanket, held her and then buried her under a tree.
We had actually been talking about putting her down that night, I wish we had considered it sooner rather than letting her go through that. That wasn't the way she was supposed to go after 16 years. It is comforting to know others have been through this and that it was an accident, but I always wonder what would have happened if we had not let them go out that night. My other dog obviously watched it happen, she probably had no idea what was happening but she was depressed for a long time after. 3 years later and I still cry, ask for her forgiveness and hope she went peacefully.
Registered: 1577476749 Posts: 1
After reading all these posts of people going through the exact same thing I'm currently going through and feeling the same emotions of heartbreak and guilt that I feel, does somehow make me feel a little better. Our male half-chihuahua Diego died yesterday (day after Xmas), I found him dead in the pool - floating. I went outside to call him in , he was partially deaf and so I clapped my hands and looked around the usual places and he wasn't there, I then saw him in the pool, I yelled and took him out and tried some type of CPR - anything, hoping he would revive. I knew he was gone the minute I touched him. He was 17 years old and was diagnosed a few mos back for pancreatitis ,he was better though due to the meds and his low fat diet. I left him in the backyard to do his business like he always did, we've lived in this house w/ the pool for 11 years and never,not once had an issue with him and the pool. He didn't like the water and always stayed away.
He was always wanting in and out of the house several times, driving us crazy, cause after a few mins of him being outside he would bark to go back in,now I want nothing more than for him to be annoying like that, I miss it so. I feel tremendous guilt for him dying this way, like why the hell did it happen this way!!! I'am so heart broken, I can't stop crying and feeling so depressed and worst of all guilty! My wife is sad too and tells me to not feel guilty as it wasn't my fault, no one could of anticipated this. Our kids now grown and no longer living at home, have grown up with Diego. We've decided to not tell anyone how he died - the details, it's already too hard for me to handle that aspect of it. I read a post on this thread about he may not have drowned, cause he was floating and no water in his lungs otherwise he would of sank, I don't know if this is true or not, but it does make me wonder? I cant help think, I should of let him in the house, I should of done something, anything , I also think, well maybe we need to just warm him up, maybe he'll wake up,I know this is all irrational thinking, but grief has a way of making you think these things. I'm trying to force myself to focus on the positive and how we gave him a great life. This is so hard! Thanks for listening. :(
Registered: 1566060267 Posts: 3
I am so sorry the same has happened to you exg101. It is such a heart breaking experience. Please try not to blame yourself, I know exactly how you feel and you will probably be asking yourself "what if?" for many years to come. But it's true, no one could ever anticipate something like this happening, it truely was a freak accident. Take time to remember all the happy memories you have of Diego and look after yourself ❤️
Registered: 1531455754 Posts: 2
It's been a few years since we've lost our Belle as I described in an earlier post. I am sorry for your loss, and can completely relate to the emotions that you and others have described. They are all normal and familiar.
Some good news from my vet, when we consulted her after the death, was that in the vet's opinion, the death by drowning was a fast and painless way to go, and that our vet was actually encouraged that the dog we had cared for and loved for so long went in that manner, without suffering, and without us having to make a caregiving decision to end her life. I rested easier after hearing from the professional that knew our dog her almost 16 years in existence. I still miss her terribly (particularly over the holiday season), but I recall more fondly the memories of the fun experiences we had shared with her during her short life. I hope you are granted peace and relief as you go through the grieving process.
Registered: 1586719743 Posts: 6
This site has been so comforting to me to know that I’m not alone. These past few days have been devastating. I lost my little Maltese Rocky to drowning in our outdoor whirlpool (it was not on) just a few days ago. We had moved into our new home a week ago, and Rocky was really having a hard time adjusting. He was almost 16, his hind legs very weak from previous herniated disk issues, his eyes were going, his hearing going too. He wore a diaper just in case. He was walking around the house looking for a way out. I could tell. I’m still struggling to imagine how he even got out. We had the doors shut and put his bed in the way. I went out to the grocery store, as I had done the previous few days. I told him “I’ll be back” as I always did. When I came home after about an hour I looked for him in the house first because nothing seemed out of the norm, the doors were still shut and the barrier looked like it was still in place. When I looked up through the glass doors, there he was lying face down. The little white body still with his diaper on floating. It was an image I still can’t get out of my head. I ran out screaming and pulled his little limp body out of the water. I was crying, holding him and just saying “I’m so sorry” so many times. The only thing I can think of is that he used all his might to push thru the doors. I think his bed might have helped push him thru even though my intention was to prevent that. I’ll never forgive myself. This is the most traumatic experience in my life. I feel like I neglected him, he relied on my for everything to survive, meds, eye drops, diaper changed, brushing his teeth every night. He was everything to me. I loved him like nothing else.
I had been having conversations with my vet about putting him down but my husband and I couldn’t bring ourselves to do that. My son said he was just doing what Rocky always did, he was just getting into mischief one more time, only this time curiosity got the best of him. I think he just worked his way to the pool and fell in without knowing it was there. A very dear friend just called to comfort me. She shared some of her own stories about dogs she lost. She said the rawness of the trauma will pass, we never get over it but we learn to live with it. We learn to accept it. I hope in time that will happen. Her vet told her that dogs do have that sense when they are near the end. They tend to go off to be alone. Rocky was doing that a lot lately. These posts are so comforting to me. They trauma of losing my dog this way is now raw and inconsolable. Thank you so much for sharing your stories. They really bring me comfort.
Registered: 1546669837 Posts: 3
I’m do sorry for your lost. I posted above that I lost my almost 17 year old Brussels Griffon 16 mo ago. I had to go to the emergency room because I couldn’t stop crying. It was the most horrible day in my life. People told me it would get better but that made me angry. I didn’t hink I would ever be happy again. I didn’t get out of bed for weeks. But, we adopted a new baby about 6 mo ago and while he will never replace my sweet boy that I lost, he has made my heart happy again. Wishing you peace and comfort. And know that it’s totally okay to grieve. They are family. ETA: I totally understand the trama. I had to get therapy to handle it. It’s a PTSD like experience.
Registered: 1586719743 Posts: 6
Thank you for responding Triskitsmom. I reread your original post and it is heartbreaking. I think it helps to continue to talk about it, if anything to reassure us that we’re not alone. I continue to struggle with the pain of knowing I’ll never get to hold his little body again. Our little babies are everything to us. Even though he was old and we knew he was living on borrowed time with all his meds, I never thought he would go this way. I can’t escape the image of him floating lifeless. I’ve been waking up at night, can’t get that image out of my head and then can’t sleep. Being up and about actually helps more. During this Coronavirus lockdown, I’m home a lot, alone, the intense grieving comes in waves. People keep telling me to remember the happy times with him. I try to but still can’t escape that image. A dear friend who lost two dogs to tragic accidents said I will never get over it but will eventually learn to accept it. Thank you for your comforting words Triskitsmom.. You give me hope that there is some light at the end of this long tunnel.
Registered: 1589775371 Posts: 1
June 25th, 2019, I lost my 16 yo Yorkie, Maxxi. He was old and incontinent and wore a diaper in the house. He could barely see or hear & was somewhat senile. We would let him out with his sister, Lola, but it wasn't necessary, since he would come in and go in his diaper anyway.
My husband and I have argued many times about whether he should be let out...and on this particular day, my 50th birthday, my husband insisted that he needed the fresh air and that he was going to let him out. I got irritated, because I was always worried that he would fall in the pool and I was tired of arguing, so I went to get ready for my birthday celebration that evening. I had finished blow drying my hair when I heard my husband shriek, run out the door and jet down the spiral stairs from the 2nd story deck down to the pool. I ran to see what was wrong and saw my husband pulling Maxxi from the pool and attempt to revive him. Sadly, he was unsuccessful. My problem is 2fold. 1) I have a lot of anger toward my husband and the argument we had just b4 he let him out. I don't voice it to him, but it's always in the back of my mind. I blame him and I don't know how to deal with it. There are so many times that I have almost blurted hurtful words, but I haven't...yet! 2) My backyard was my oasis and my favorite weekend activity. I spent endless joyful hours back there. It's been almost a year now, and I'm still unable to even look out the window into the backyard. Aside from having a pool service to maintain the pool, it looks like an abandoned house from the back. It's a source of pain and shame for allowing it to get in such disarray. What can I do to help myself deal with the anger, guilt, and the inability to go out back and enjoy what was once my "happy place"? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Also, within 2 months of losing my Maxxi, my beloved Lola passed suddenly and mysteriously. It's been said that she may have had a broken heart, but it's my heart that is forever broken and damaged and I am virtually unhinged. We have 2 new fur babies now, and I love them more than I ever thought I could, and they are the only thing that got me thru this dark year, but I just can't get over the horrors of last summer. These puppies are paper trained and not permitted outside. I look forward to hearing from you.