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Jwarner90

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Posts: 6
 #1 
I’m uncontrollably crying as I write this, but I’m looking for support. My Frenchie drowned in our backyard pool yesterday. We had just moved to this house last week and he had been so good around the pool. I had been watching him like a hawk everytime I let him outside. Yesterday we decided to put the pool cover on to heat it up for guests this weekend. Apparently he thought he could walk on it... I looked for him everywhere, thinking he somehow escaped our backyard. My husband kept telling me to check the pool, but I couldn’t even fathom that scenario. I turned around for a minute and he must’ve just slipped under the pool cover. My husband found him at the bottom of the deep end. We tried CPR, but he was gone.

I am 8 months pregnant and tried yesterday to remain calm. I walked around like a zombie, in a stay of shock. Today I can’t stop crying. Still trying to remain calm, but can’t help but blame myself for this horrific accident. I had obtained a quote for a pool safety net before we moved in, but based on the cost and how good my guy was being around the pool, I thought it could wait until the baby was here. He was my best friend and sidekick. His personality was unlike any dog I’ve ever had before. There will be no replacing him. He wasn’t even 3 years old yet and I wanted him so badly to meet his new sibling in just a couple of months.

Please tell me this crying will eventually stop? What can I do to get through this?
MyLittleOneIsGone

Registered:
Posts: 117
 #2 
I am so sorry for your loss of Frenchie. What I am reading is so terrible. I don't know what to say to make it better.  I remember when I was a kid, we had Yorkies and one of them drowned in our pool.  I remember my mother was distraught. 

You just got this house. How would anyone know this could happen.  It's understandable how upset you are. It brings me to tears that this happened to Frenchie, you, and your husband. There's only so much we can protect our pets and our children.  Sometimes they get out of our sight.  You will feel self-blame, but it's not your fault.  I've been blaming myself for bringing my 6-year old dog to an incompetent vet who I was supposed to trust. He was only there an hour or so. My dog never came home alive. I am still grieving and my guilt is fading a little.

You are gong to feel this way for a while, but remember that you didn't purposely place him in the pool, he was out of your sight and somehow went in there. You said you watched him like a hawk, so you were very careful. There are no explanations why these tragedies happen. I've been trying to figure that out since my dog passed on Xmas Eve. I will never understand.  I read so many stories about unexpected, tragic deaths and there seems to be no way any of us could know how to prevent them and if they would happen.  Every day I ask why my dog passed at 6. When I read other people's stories, I ask why.  It's just so unfair. I wish I had the power to bring all our pets back and make it right for everyone. If there is a Rainbow Bridge, there's some hope will see them again.

I feel the same way about my Parker. He was a different dog than his 2 brothers.  He was affectionate, a leader, followed me everywhere. He stood out. It's a big loss here. I am still missing him. I feel your pain of you losing Frenchie. He is an angel now.

I have been told time is a healer. Guilt can hold us back from healing. I will admit, that's where I am not strong. I hope you and your husband can get through this. I am so sorry.  I wish you peace and comfort. You are pregnant and you need to keep your health safe.  Come back to this site where you will receive positive messages from people who understand.  We are all grieving for all different reasons. Grief still feels the same no matter the reason. 

I was recently sent a few articles I will pass to you. There are additional links at the bottom of some of these pages.  I've just started reading them.  I am thinking of you. Take care of yourself. ~ Parker's Mom

https://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/p/pet-loss-articles.html

http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm


Sofya

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #3 
I’m so sorry for your loss. Frenchie sounds like an amazing dog. It’s so sad what happened to your little one. Please be strong for your other baby. I lost my babyboy 4 days ago and the pain is still here but at least I don’t cry all the time anymore. It will get better soon, just try to accept that what is done is done and there’s nothing you can do anymore. You couldn’t have predicted what happened. You loved your dog a lot and you wanted the best for him. Please don’t blame yourself. You couldn’t have known. I’m sending you all my love.
Jwarner90

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #4 
Still uncontrollably crying today. Everything I do and see reminds me of him. I put a flower on his grave this morning and made sure it was safe. I ordered a really cute grave marker from Etsy so that I can visit the gravesite and see his cute little face. I have work tomorrow, so I’m really trying to get the crying out so that I can at least go to work.

Thank you for your kind words. I have a feeling I will be visiting this forum often. It’s sort of crazy how involved he was in my everyday routines and I just didn’t realize it until now. This morning I didn’t even feel the need to get out of bed because I had no one to let out to potty or to feed. This new house we bought seems worthless now that he’s not around to enjoy it with me.

-Ghost’s mama
Mae111018

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #5 
Jwarner,

Your story hurts my heart and I have nothing to say except time heals all. I lost my frenchie puppy this week too, he was 6 months old, because he drowned in a pool under the pool cover just like yours. Seems like the worst most tragic way for it to happen too. Makes you question everything you ever did , and why it happened and why it happened THAT way. So awful and so sad. I am so sorry for your loss and I hope that it gets easier
MyLittleOneIsGone

Registered:
Posts: 117
 #6 
Hello again,
Crying is good.  It's okay to feel these emotions. You will be reminded of him for a long time. You will always remember him, but in time it won't hurt as much.  You will eventually remember the happy memories.  Your grieving is normal.  We all have different ways to grieve and it depends on the person how long it takes before it gets better.  Your baby knows how much you you loved him and that none of this was your fault.  He knows that.  I blamed myself for my Parker's passing because I had so many doubts, yet somehow I lost sight and I still allowed him to see that awful vet. I struggle with that decision every day.  I know he would be here now, but I can't change it.  I write him letters and I pray to see him again at Rainbow Bridge.  

Yes, keep visiting this forum. It is a comforting place to be. We are all here to help each other through our losses.  Time will help getting through it. Seek out support systems in your family, friends. There are pet loss phone support hotlines, DaybyDay, and LapofLove if you need to talk to someone.  Please keep yourself healthy for your new baby.  I wish you comfort and peace.  ~ Parker's Mom
KatKat

Registered:
Posts: 167
 #7 
I am so sorry.  Such a tragic accident.  This happened to our friends elderly dog.  They were devastated. 

It is normal to feel that we should have done something differently when our pet dies after an accident and to experience guilt along with overwhelming grief.   It's obvious that you loved your sweet boy a lot and the pain you feel is an expression of that.  

Time is a great healer.  This forum has greatly helped my grief.  Please keep reaching out.  We all share a common bond.  Again, so sorry that you and your husband are going through this.

Hvb77

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #8 
I am grieving with you, I lost my beloved bichon yesterday in a drowning accident, we were visiting a house, she was so excited and jumped out car when we got there and ran off down garden, we had no idea the pool was round the back, the gate left open and the pool cover on. My husband went round back to look for her when she didn’t come to our calls, he found her under the pool cover. I did cpr for 25 mins on way to vets but I couldn’t save my beautiful baby girl, the pain is so intense, my kids are devastated, my lab doesn’t know where his best friend is and keeps whimpering. I’ve lost dogs to old age but this is completely different, she was barely 2 years old and was the most amazing little soul, she stole the hearts of everyone and I can’t imagine being without her, I’ve been crying for nearly 48 hrs non stop, can’t sleep, can’t eat, it’s just so unbelievably unbearable.........
MyLittleOneIsGone

Registered:
Posts: 117
 #9 
Oh Hvb77,  I am so, so sorry to read about you little one. I can't imagine how you feel right now.  It is so new.  Your baby is the third drowning accident I've read about in the last week, here on this forum.  I cannot believe the tragedies I am reading about.  I think the other drownings were the same situation, under the pool cover.  In a matter of minutes, they were gone,  just like your baby.  That's all it takes.  I don't understand why our beloved are taken from us.  It is unfair.  Your baby was so young, a sweet little baby.  I am crying for you right now.  You are at the right place here. This forum will provide you with comforting thoughts. We are all going through something.  We all understand. Come back anytime when you need a shoulder to lean on. We are here to help each other grieve and heal.  Take whatever time you need to grieve. There is no limit. Don't let anyone tell you when you should stop or to get over it. 

I am still upset about my tragedy from 5 months ago. I lost my healthy 6-year old dog on Xmas Eve and I cry every day. I have to be strong for his 2 brothers. He was their best friend. They look for him, just as your lab is doing. Your lab is grieving, too.  Please give him a lot of attention.  He needs you now.  I used to think my dogs would outlive me, I took them for granted. I will never take my dogs for granted again. I can't afford to lose another one, not so soon. I'm not even healed yet. Losing a pet tragically is very difficult.  We don't get to say goodbye. 

When I was kid, one of our Yorkie puppies drowned in our pool. I don't remember the details, but I remember my mother was very distraught. Not long ago, my husband wanted to get a different house. He was impressed because it had a built-in pool. I'm glad I talked him out of it. The pool was fenced in, but something told me it one day it could turn tragic for one of my dogs. I never missed getting that house, but look, I still lost one of my dogs anyway, at the hands of an incompetent vet.  We have no way of knowing when we will be faced with a loss.  If we could only see the future.

It was not your fault. You will always miss her.  Please take care of yourself. Don't do what I did. I lost 17 lbs. from the stress. I beat myself up. I am still dealing with guilt, not as much as before, but it still lingers.
Please take care of yourself.  Remember to visit here. There are wonderful people on this site who will comfort you.  I am wishing you peace. Again, I am sorry, so sorry for your loss.  Thinking of you, Parker's Mom 
Hvb77

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #10 
Thankyou , I just can’t get my head round anything, it’s just so so unfair that this has happened to us all. I agree that it feels like the crying will never end .my precious baby girl I’m so sorry

Hvb77

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #11 
Thankyou so much, I just don’t know how to get through this, totally broken my heart . Thinking of you all also in your grief x
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