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Posts: 8
I'm not sure how this will go over, but I can start off by saying my heart is completely broken. Elphaba (Ellie, Elle or El-El for short) was my little shining star of a dog. She was a rott-mix who I found at my door in the midst of a two or more foot snowstorm. Abandoned by her adoptive owners, she stood in the midst of the snow near my frontdoor, causing my two rescue dogs to bark. When I took her in, I found she had two bloody bandages on her back paws and cared for her, with the help of the other two dogs, whilst trying to figure out her story. It turned out she'd been adopted and abandoned within 24 hours by a family. Tossed into the snow with wounded paws, only eight weeks old. When the family refused to come for her or answer the humane society's phone calls, I took her in as one of our own, caring and nurturing her as I did the others. The difference with Ellie was that she was still a puppy-much younger than my other two babies. She became fiercely loyal to me, but never aggressive. She was smart, sassy, feisty, energetic, playful and, unexpectedly, my favorite. She was more my dog than my other two have ever been, though I love them with all of my heart. If either of my others got free, they'd run off. Ellie, however, never went out of eyes sight. She'd accompany me to the mailbox and around the yard to look at the garden; she slept beside my bed-quietly, but protectively. She slept beside me when I fell asleep on the couch studying for my comprehensive exams. She was loyal and kind, sweet and loving, smart and obedient. Above all, she was my dog in a way no other dog I owned has ever been, often growling with pleasure and shaking her butt when she wanted to play-holding a tire toy in her mouth so it covered most of her face.

We had to put my 1 and a half year old puppy to rest today because she jumped the fence and yanked on another dog who was on a leash-a ten year old dog whose spine she broke. She didn't mean it and they didn't ask that I put her to sleep-the owners, that is. However, we went to the humane society to try and find a solution-a new home? a place in the countr? hope of any kind?

They heard me out-my sadness and loyalty to her, my heartache and desire to do whatever it took to keep her alive and well...then they told me they simply had to euthanize her. We had no choice but to decide whether we wanted to be with her or not.

At 8:55am I sat alone with my puppy in a quiet room, mostly grey and tried to hold her in my arms-her vivaciousness overcoming her as she sniffed out the room and stared at the cats in various cages all around us. I hugged and kissed her, pet her soft floppy ears, let her lick my face with her large warm tongue, kissed her large head again and again and cried into her fur before they came in and held her down. "Sit where she can see you," they instructed and I did, holding her paw in my hand and staring into her eyes, petting her head with my free hand until she fell more and more tired, until she was asleep with her eyes open.

My fiance and I cried. I needed to get far away from that place, but home was worse-her toys, my expectaction of hearing her tail beating against the wall or seeing her standing at the front door awaiting my return. Everywhere I looked there was a toy or memory of her. Everything I do makes me think of her. It hasn't been a day yet and I haven't stopped crying, either.

I'm thankful for my fiance. I keep thinking I could've done something better-that, perhaps, I wasn't saving her when I took her in just over a year ago-that, perhaps, what I did was selfish. I don't know how to feel better and I'm not so sure I want to. I just want my dog back and nothing I can think or do will give her to me again.

Can anyone help me?

Posts: 175
My heart is breaking for you. I wish I had some magic words for you. You gave your puppy a wonderful life for the time you had her. All that has ever helped me is knowing that over the Rainbow bridge is a the most beautiful place and our furangels are happy and healthy. You will one day be with her again, but until then come here as often as you need to, also the chat room here is where I have made some of the best friends I have ever had. Please join us when you are ready.

                                  You are in my thoughts,

                                  Jacki, Baby Bunz mommy


Posts: 24
That is so heartbreaking. Such a young dog. Every one, even our furbabies make mistakes. I think when they told me she had to be put to sleep, I would have taken her, ran, and hid her somewhere. How horrible.

ALso feeling badly for the pup with the broken spine. Much respect to the owners who didnt demand the death penalty. Strength and hugs to you at this time.

Posts: 227
I am so very sorry to read your story.  Sometimes, however, there are limits as to what we are able to control, un-do, and make better.  You gave Ellie time and love...perhaps had she received that from the beginning, things may have turned out differently.  Hold your head high, keep those bitter-sweet memories close to your heart, and know that you did the very best possible.  But most importantly, know that Ellie felt, at last, the kind of love and caring that many an adoptive pup only dream of.  You should be proud!
Snuggy's Mum

Posts: 699
Dear Ellie's Mom,

My heart aches with deep sadness for your tragic loss.  I am without words to comfort you.  You had a love connection with your precious Ellie that was clearly special, and it sounds like she adored you, you rescued and nurtured her and she grew to be your heart's companion.  I'm so sorry.  Things happen sometimes that are such a mystery, totally unexpected and unexplained, and the outcome, like this one, are just so very, very tragic.  In the short time that you shared, you had a priceless relationship that will forever live on in your heart.

I keep you in my prayers, and say a special prayer for your Beloved Ellie.

With deepest sympathy,
Katharine, Grunt's Mom Forever 

Posts: 219
Ellie's mom,

I feel so sad--for you and for the parents of the dog whose spine Ellie broke. You did so much to make a happy home for Ellie, and when you knew she was likely to harm someone else or another pet in the future--it tends to happen again--you did what you had to do, as hard as it was. Your courage and understanding are as strong as your love. Sometimes we have no choice, and you clearly didn't. Many hugs.

Posts: 117
my heart goes out to you.
i am so very sorry.
you gave Ellie a wonderful life.
So sorry it had to end like this.
Please take care of yourself.
Much love and light

Pat (Daisy's forever daddy)

Posts: 1,493

I have tears in my eyes and an ache in my heart for you.  I'm so very sorry for what you have had to do, the horrible choice you had to make.  Remember always that you gave Ellie love that she never would have known otherwise.  Sometimes there are things we just have no control over.  You did all that you could do.  I wish that I could give you a great big hug in person, but know that my thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.  Take care dear and know that your Pet Loss family is here to help you and talk to you.


Your friend,




Posts: 8
Thank you for your kind words. It's been a few days now and I still keep brimming up with tears all too frequently in the course of one day. Everything reminds me of my puppy.

I have two other dogs, but don't have the same bond with them as I did with Ellie, though I love them both very much (they came to me as young dogs rather than puppies so they have a few unbreakable habits as they were both abused very badly and not as willing or able to trust the way Ellie did), but since Ellie passed, it's very difficult to be around them. I think it comes from being afraid that something will happen to them, which it inevitably will, but, as my fiance reminds me, they need me, too. I'm sure this is probably a normal reaction. I certainly want to get back into the comfort of being a mom to my other two, but I don't know what will make that easier to accomplish or what I can do to make it better.

Does anyone have any advice?

Posts: 1,093
Ellie's Mom,

I love the name you gave your puppy - Elphaba... And, I am so very sorry for your loss. I think the only advice any of us can give you is to be gentle with yourself and give yourself the time and room you need to grieve. There is nothing else, really, that we can do. I know that everyone says time heals the wounds -- I'm not sure that it does. It does take the raw edges off the initial pain, but I know that for me, I still miss my Molly girl every day and very often I sit sobbing over my sadness of losing her. So, I think that you just need to "be". Maybe talk to Ellie. Maybe write in a journal - all that you are feeling. Maybe you could make a memory book, or a tribute page, or work on something that will let your emotions run out through a creative outlet. All/any of these things may help. I hope that something does. This pain of losing these great companions is almost, literally, heartbreaking. I know how you feel and I am so sorry.

Please take gentle care.


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