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Roan

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Posts: 3
 #1 
I absolutely loved my German Short Haired Pointer more than any pet I've ever had.  Roani was my loyal companion.   After she passed I even made a imovie of her.   Now I am feeling guilty that I had her put to sleep by my Vet.   She could not control her bows,  was very restless especially at night, she fell on the floors constantly and could not get up with help.   We had given her several rounds of antibiotics, plenty of pro-biotics as well.   I had paid for a very expensive ultrasound which did not show anything but a somewhat swollen pancreas.  She had some strange liver readings from the blood test. We picked up all our area rugs to have cleaned and just let her live for about six months like this.   Short of having a biospy of her collen, I am not sure what else could be done. The Vet had pretty much given up. The Saturday morning we had her put down she had pooped in every corner of her crate.  Nevertheless forever is forever, and now I feel guilty for putting her down.  I had her cremated and she has a special corner in my office with photos of her.  I miss her so much. No one really understands the depth of my grief.  My daughter's dog is giving me some support by staying her, yet I still feel the sting of her loss a month later. 

Gary B
Always__there

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Posts: 123
 #2 
Gary,
Your despair comes through in your note. Been (1) for my losing my 16y chihuahua, Perry, had him since 3 mnths of age. The emotions you feel for Roani are very real. Absolutely gutwrenching, such a void, the loss unbearable at times. I do see it from your prospective. Roani was your World as my wee man was in mine. We do what we did in order to see our pets comfortable and even modern medicine in this 21C is not enough to see them through. My heart goes out to You. Our pets certainly grasp at our Hearts. Once an animal has touched Our Souls--Forever. I feel for you at this point in time. RIP Roani....                                                               Sherry/Perryxx
diane772

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Posts: 237
 #3 
I want to say how sorry I am for you, I lost my Basset Hound 2 days ago. She was my best friend and the love of my life. I understand how you feel. I can't stop crying and I don't think other people understand. Your post gave me comfort knowing someone else understands the pain and questions you have about doing the right thing. Thank you very much
Roan

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Posts: 3
 #4 
Thank you both for your comments.   Roani was like one of my daughters and she provided so much comfort through both of my parents passing.   I really don't think anyone understands the depth of my grief.  You both in fact do however. 
Mondo

Moderator
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Posts: 994
 #5 
I definitely get it.  My Dad passed in 2012, my Mom in 2013.  These were difficult losses, but losing Tuffy in 2014 crushed me, I felt devastated and lost.

A month is no time at all.  For me the first year was tough. All the firsts.  

For me time doesn't so much heal as much as take the rawness away, the sore scabs over.  But the scar remains.  Which is okay.  

Love never dies.


Aeval

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Posts: 5
 #6 
Oh Gary, your feelings are very real. It turns out pet loss can be more devastating that losing a person. I just lost my beautiful and quirky Callie last Saturday evening it was horrific and now all I can do is walk around our little studio we lived in and call for her and continue to talk to her like a mad woman. I truly could just curl up and die. Mornings are the absolute worse aren't they? You wake up and the realization hits like a sledge hammer then its downhill from there. I made a tribute to her . It at least kept me focused for the duration of making it . I am so sorry for your loss. I know the depth of your suffering truly I think we all do here that is why we came to this board. Valerie (I used to sign all of my letters with Val&Cal  :(

Tribute to my Callie . 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbLSVP7q9xA
Always__there

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Posts: 123
 #7 
Gary,
As mentioned, once an animal has touched Your Soul, it is Forever !! The loss of my wee chihuahua of 16y is beyond grief, all 5840 days of his Life, from the age of 3 months, so yes I understand the depth of your Loss. He was my world in that I have no living parents and no siblings, my wee man was my little protege !!. I am also of the understanding that the loss of a pet is more than the loss of a person, a different kind of Love. A pet looks to US for their daily care and attention and now that routine* is broken, interrupted, the cycle is gone. I used to prepare his meal, fuss over him in the mornings long before my own needs. I am consoled in knowing 100% that my wee 3 lb chihuahua loved me to the endth degree. I was ALL he knew. Mornings are the worst. I find getting out of the house ''therapeutic'' for even a couple of hours in the morning helps greatly as staying inside, with every turn memories so fresh. Where do the years go, when they lived large, life was great and no cares. Then enters the twilight years and a whole new agenda.
We will Always long and miss their Presence. From Our Lives--Not our Hearts. Feeling Your Despair.                           Sherry/Perryx
diane772

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Posts: 237
 #8 
I am so sorry for your loss including everyone that has written to you. For me it has been 1 week and 1 day and it is still as fresh as when it happened. Mornings are the worst, I would get up and take her out. She would always get breakfast before me and then we would go for our walk. I miss that so much. Life just doesn't have as much meaning anymore, I find myself just going through my days now.      Brandy's mom Diane
Aeval

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Posts: 5
 #9 
Diane, This is Callie's mom Valerie. This is the same for me. We had our routines down . I just lost my precious little girl last Saturday. I feel absolutely gutted. The pain is both physical and mental . I don't want to live anymore. It sounds dramatic but honestly it is how I feel She was my world , my family, best friend, comedian. She hogged the tv and she snored. Its almost time for her dinner. I haven't vacuumed because I don't want to clear away her dog hair. I still talk to her like she is here and maybe she is. Waking up is brutal and coming home is brutal because she isn't there. Sometimes all I can do is pace and sob and call for her. 
Val&Cal 
diane772

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Posts: 237
 #10 
Valerie I agree, it is so hard. I feel exactly the same way. I get up in the morning and I have her picture on my computer so I turn my computer on and tell her good morning. I pat her head and somehow I feel alittle better. It is strange how we find a way to get through the day. People tell me it will get better but I don't see how. Today I gave her cookies that she had left to a dog that she loved. She was always timid around other dogs but this one dog she just loved seeing on our walks. I could feel her telling me that she wanted him to have them so I took them over. It sounds strange but it made me feel better. The little things make you feel better. Take care Diane
Aeval

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Posts: 5
 #11 
Diane, yes me too Callie is on my computer, her painting of her is on my wall, I carry her collar with me everywhere. I still talk to her. I still give her her morning greetings because if I ever forgot she would be upset she would come into the kitchen wagging her tail sheepishly how they do then go and run back on the bed so I would come in and greet her lol. We do daft things when our emotions are hijacked I guess. Take care and I wish you peace of mind . 
Valerie
diane772

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Posts: 237
 #12 
Valerie, Thank you for understanding. I will never pass judgement on how anyone gets through difficult times like this. Brandy had a favorite chair that she was always in, my familys comment was Brandy always had the best seat in the house. At first I couldn't sit in it but now I find myself always sitting in it. Somehow I feel closer to her. Take care and may we both find peace of mind  Diane
Aeval

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Posts: 5
 #13 
Thank you for understanding too. It takes what it takes. I know what you mean about trying to feel closer. losing an animal companion is as serious as losing a human that you love dearly. Blessings and peace to you. We find our ways through it all. 
Take care too Diane. 
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