Registered: 1207425572 Posts: 111
Hello Pet loss family,
Over the past three months, I have posted about my Hankie, and I just wanted to get some opinions and some support I guess. I am still grieving for my boy who was tragically taken away from me on April 5 of this year. I have been suffering from (what I diagnosed as) depression since his loss, and have found myself crying, but in the last month, I have also been looking for a kitten. I feel I am ready to love again, but am feeling guilty about adopting again when it is so close to his loss. My husband isn't ready quite yet, but after our discussion, he has agreed for me to get two siblings, to give my older cat a bit of a break from just a single kitten. Well, I have found two sisters, one grey tabby (like my Sarah) and one orange girl tabby. I am happy , sad, elated, and scared all at the same time. I am afraid I am not doing Hanks memory any justice, but at the same time, these were kittens who were abadoned by their mommy at 9 days old. They deserve a good home, and I can provide that. At the same time, it may help my heart heal a bit from Hankies untimely demise. Am I wrong to feel like this? To those who have adopted again, did you have those feelings too? I am torn, and feel like I am getting cold feet, to respect his memory, but at the same time, they deserve a good forever home. Help! Heather, Hank's forever mommy
Registered: 1214505059 Posts: 117
it warms my heart to hear your positive story.
and i believe Hankie would fully support you- and wants more than anything for his mommy to be happy. so wonderful you found those two. hold on to them, and embrace every minute you have together.
Pat (Daisy's forever daddy)
Registered: 1210209740 Posts: 143
Hi Heather. You have a kind heart and you want to give a home to abandoned kittens. I believe your Hank would approve.
It doesn't mean you love Hank less, or that you will ever forget him.
Registered: 1211823351 Posts: 1,569
Your memory of your sweet Hank will never diminish. You have a lot of love to give and Hank knows that. Some will say that by giving that love to another after you have lost a true soul mate is in a way honoring the one who has made the journey to the bridge. I understand your emotions, the only one who truly knows if the time is right is you. Look into your heart, knowing you can give a loving home to two abandoned kittens shows you still have a lot of love to give. I believe Hank will be proud of you for doing it, he knows how lucky he was to have had you for a Mom. God Bless.----Jerry in Oklahoma.
Registered: 1157220912 Posts: 555
(((((((((((((((Heather))))))))))))))) I think you are doing a wonderful thing reaching out to others to give them a 2nd chance on love. You are paying tribute to Hank by using his lessons of true love. After I lost my boy Muffin I had a dream about him playing with a fluffy orange kitten with a bowlegged walk. The next day that kitten was placed in my arms. I felt Muffin was near letting me know this was the one to help me heal. I am posting something I wrote here that you might like to read. I wrote it after I spent some time listening to people talking about letting another baby in their hearts I hope it helps. Take Care Jackie(BarTendersBluesWolf) Warmth Of Heart An Angel sat by the blue waters that flowed below Rainbow Bridge. Waters that were made from the many tears shed for the angels, when they ascended to the bridge. These waters were made from love. This angel had not been at the bridge long and worried about his loved ones. He knew the pain that his family felt. He was watching his family very closely. How can I get them to see that by bringing another into their heart is not replacing me? He had seen so many who needed a loving home. His family would be the perfect ones to give them that. The keeper of the winds spoke to this Angel and explained that it took time for to heal. That right now his family was feeling his loss very deeply. They are afraid to love again. The angel wanted to ease the hearts of his family and let them know he was well. "Can I send them one to warm their Souls. One who needs them as much as they need him?" The Keeper Of The Winds nodded his approval and left the Angel to find a companion for his family.
Many days were spent looking for the right companion to to send. Then one was found. A small kitten sat crying at the moon asking for help. He had never known the gentle touch of a family. But he had been told about it by others who had been reunited with their loved ones. Leaving him alone to dream. The Angel shed many tears for this lost one. He was cold, hungry and dirty. Thinking of his warm bed by the fire going to waste now. The Kitten would fit that bed perfectly. Keeper Of The Winds please bring this lonely one to my family so all may heal together. A glowing star guided their path to the Kitten. They were watched by wary eyes that also held hope. Have they come for me? Coming out from behind a tree he walked up to them. Looking up into tear filled eyes of ones who sensed the angel near. Giving a small weak whimper the Kitten got their attention. Eyes meet and a bond was made. Gentle touches were felt for the first time. A dream had come true. The Angel whispered "never feel guilty for giving love. Through this one who has been found, we will touch again." © BarTendersBluesWolf Aka J,C. Stewart 2008
Registered: 1204068458 Posts: 76
Heather, I wasn't planning on getting another cat. I still had 2 after Gizmo went to the bridge. My neighbors had gotten a kitten and when I saw him I couldnt believe how much he looked like Gizmo. Same colors, same stripes on his tail. I fell in love with him. My neighbors decided they didnt want him (they said hes evil!) He is actually very sweet and just needed some extra love and attention. I like to think that Gizmo had a hand (or paw) in bringing my new kitten to me. I'm sure he is happy for me and for my new kitten. I am sure your Hank is helping to guide these sweet homeless kittens to you. Hank knows what a wonderful mother you are and he wants to share you with kittens who need your care and love. Hugs and love, Gizmos mom
my little "junior"
Registered: 1197081544 Posts: 686
There is no "right" length of time before we share our love again. Sometimes it just falls into place and is meant to be. We just need to listen to our heart and be ready to take that step. I had the same doubts and concerns as you when Sammy adopted me (who by the way is laying on my lap as I type:)) I felt that I was letting my Gus go and was afraid that I would compare Sam to Gus. Now I realize that I spent way too much time worrying. Gus is still in my heart (where he will ALWAYS be) and Sam has not replaced the love I have for my Gus (I still cry sometimes when I think of Gus and how much I miss him.) But, Sam has his own special personality just as Gus did. Sam fits into our family perfectly and my other two cats love him. I know Gus brought Sam into my life. He knew Sam was perfect for us. If you decide that the time is right to adopt these two babies, I know Hank will approve. In my opinion, there is no better way to honor the love that you shared with Hank than to love another who needs you. It was my way of honoring Gus by passing on the love that he gave me. Hugs and happy thoughts Kate (Gus' mom)
Registered: 1207425572 Posts: 111
well gang, after much soul searching through the night, my old cat decided it for me. She was sick all night, and slept in the basement. I took her to the vet this morning, and he could find nothing wrong with her, and asked if there were any changes or any stressors that had happened in the last few days. I told him about the kittens, and he said that she was probably suffering from stress. She is quite old, and a special needs kitty. When I looked at those little faces yesterday, they were so cute and loveable, so I looked into my heart last night (all night actually- not much sleep here) and knew that I wasn't ready yet. I know the right time will come, but not just yet.
Thank you all for your words of kindness, but I don't think I have dealt adequatly with Hank's death yet and feel I need to heal a bit more before my heart opens again. It has been so hard knowing that I would like a kitten, but really don't feel ready. My husband is really NOT ready at this time, so will honor that, deal with my grief by talking to someone. As some of you have said in the chat, I will know when the time is right. This is not the time just yet. Thank heavens that the kittens are in a really loving foster home which is sponsered by the no kill shelter here in town so I know no danger will come to them there, that they are loved, and that they will find good homes under her guidence. I have met the woman before, and she screens well before her kittens go anywhere. I just wish I wasn't so sad. Heather, Hank's forever mommy
Registered: 1211242652 Posts: 355
I believe we will feel it in our hearts when the time is right to have another furbaby (or furbabaies) in our lives. I am sure you have many mixed feelings right now, but it is wonderful that you can give these 2 kittens a loving home.
I am sure Hank would be very happy to know you will be caring for these precious angels. Hank's love will forever be in your heart. I wish you all the best. Dee >^..^< Cheeseburger's Mom email@example.com Dee + Cheeseburger = LOVE
Registered: 1197081544 Posts: 686
As I said, when the time is right,everything falls into place. This is obviously not the right time and your older cat helped to bring you to that decision. Someday, you will be ready. Who knows, maybe Hank will even have a "paw" in helping you decide. I am still sure that Gus somehow made the wheel fall off my mower so I would finally made the decision to bring Sam home. Sending prayers for your happiness, Kate (Gus' mom)
Registered: 1194492978 Posts: 5,100
Heather, I know just what you are going through. My husband and I loved Betsy so deeply. She made us fall in head over heels in love with the terrier breed. Lately, we have been browsing the net looking at photos of Cairn terriers (she was mostly Cairn). Well, we have an almost 17 year old minpin named Ralphie and he has arthritis and is getting frail (actually on his new medicine he is ambulating like a nine year old again!). Although we would LOVE to get a Cairn puppy NOW, we have decided to wait. It has nothing to do with not honoring Betsy's memory as we know she would be THRILLED for us to have a puppy. It is all about Ralphie.
You said it. You and your husband will know when the time is right. Sending you big hugs, Melissa Betsy's forever mom
Registered: 1187726237 Posts: 20
I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. I lost my beloved boy Chaz, on Aug 16th of last year. I had no intention of getting another cat after him for many reasons, mainly the excruciating pain and grief that I was feeling. But a few years before, Chaz and I had moved into my mother's home, so that she could remain there, as she is elderly and having health and mental issues. Anyway, about a week after Chaz's passing, my Mom started to make remarks about getting another cat. I absolutely refused, until I realized that she was grieving herself, and quite lonely being alone all day while I worked. She wanted the companionship of another cat. After agonizing over it for a few weeks, I went to the Petfinder website to find shelter cats in my area. As soon as I saw Shynna's picture, I melted! She was the exact opposite of Chaz (my preference) a young petite female. Anyway, I brought her home on Sept 15th (one day short of Chaz's one month Bridge Day) I felt disloyal to his memory, but I believe that she was sent to us by Chaz to help us through our grief. I will NEVER forget Chaz, but Shynna has helped me stop hurting. I really think that she rescued me more than I did her. In my opinion, you should GO FOR IT! Eileen (Chaz and Shynna's Mom)