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cathylynn

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Posts: 4
 #1 
My sweet Sasha has been gone for 4 days now, and here I sit late at night trying to find some sort of comfort. She found me after my lab passed away, it wasn't a week later she showed up. She was a neighbors dog, but for some reason she would come and see me, finally the neighbor said, she would rather be with you, so you can keep her. Then a tragedy happened over 10 years ago, she was hit by a car, crushed her pelvis, needed emergency surgery, I cared for her and got her well. But her old injuries now were catching up with her, she slowed down a lot, could only go on short walks, went deaf, and was incontinent at times, and sleeping a lot more than usual. My guilt comes in from leaving her while we went on an overnight trip for my birthday. My daughter came to stay with her, but still I feel guilty that I wasn't with her when she passed. I still remember her face when I patted her head and told her goodbye, she was so happy, then we got in the car to leave and could see the sadness in her face, I still think about that always. That night she died, my daughter found her in the yard, still warm, but gone. I feel so bad for my daughter to have to see that, she loved her too. She wrapped her in a blanket and waited for us to come home to bury her. I always said she was the best dog ever, so loyal, so kind, smart, beautiful, just wanted to be with me. She did change a bit in the last few weeks, she didn't want to stay inside anymore, would rather sleep in the garage, our porch, I had beds for her everywhere.  I  think it was her incontinent problem, or maybe she was just pulling away from us, getting ready to pass, don't really know. I'm so lonely without her, cant stand to go outside, can't stand to leave and come home and not see her waiting for me,  everything reminds me of her, expect to see her, she always followed me, so lonely now. I can't seem to stop crying, feels good to just put into words my sorrow to people that understand. But how do you get over the best dog ever. 
pb313

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Posts: 104
 #2 
Cathylynn.
I am so sorry for your loss. I hate that you feel guilty for not being wit her when she passed but that may have actually been Sasha choice, to shield you from it in her own way.
Right nothing makes it better but we are a few weeks ahead of you and I don’t cry every day.
Sasha knew she was loved.
Hoping you find some peace,
Paula- Raider’s mom
cathylynn

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Posts: 4
 #3 
Thank you Raiders mom, i'm so sorry for your loss too, i'm new and haven't found your story yet, not sure how to navigate this site yet, but will try to find it.  Its a nice place we can all come together in our grief. I'm sure my friends are tired of me, maybe not yet, but soon if I take too long coming out of this. The not sleeping isn't helping either, I pray this cloud is lifted soon, I miss my furbaby so much. Thanks for your kind words.
cosesmom

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Posts: 580
 #4 
Cathylynn,
Sasha loved you deeply and wanted to spare you the heart ache in her own way like Raider's mom said. I know the pain and heart ache you are going through and I am sorry. I let my Sweet Termy go 11 months ago and I still miss him a lot. I so wanted him to pass at home in his sleep but that was not to be, I had to make that dreadful decision to let him go and it haunts me to this day. He lived a wonderful 16 + years and what a wonderful journey we shared. Your sorrow will be with you for a while and tears will fall but try to remember the entire journey you shared with Sasha. Your friends will understand, if not come here often for we all share the same story and here you will find comfort and understanding. I still grieve and the tears still come but I can now recall the happier times to. You need to take as long as you need to grieve, Sasha was your love, it will take time.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
cathylynn

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #5 
Thank you Termy's mom. I did always pray that when it was her time to go she would go in her sleep, because like you I had to make that decision with our lab, and its heart wrenching. I could understand it a little better because my lab was in kidney failure and couldn't stand to see her suffer one more day, but still it was so hard. With Sasha, she seemed happy that morning we left, ate a good breakfast, and figured everything would be all right.  I did have an episode with her a couple of weeks before. She was laying in her bed and seemed lethargic, didn't want to get up and then her stomach started heaving in a strange way. I thought, this is it, I held her head and gave her lots of love and comforted her. She pepped up and seemed fine. She always ate good, and seemed happy, just slowing down in her old age. But like I said, she did kind of pull away, didn't want to be in the house, slept on our enclosed porch or garage. So maybe she did wait for us to go away, I think I pulled her thru the weeks before, I know she could tell how scared I was, and she always wanted to please me.  Its so rough, feel like people think I should be getting better, but I see her everywhere I look, or not see her in reality. You all are all so sweet to write to me, it really helps to put into words what I am going thru.
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