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Shortdawg718

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Posts: 2
 #1 
My 9yrs old French bulldog named shorty passed away a few days ago and I feel guilty. I keep questioning myself what else could I have done, could I have done something different. Did I miss some kind of sign she was giving me. It all started about 3 years ago. My frenchie started having seizures.The seizures always happen when she was sleeping. They would come once every 3-6 month and only last about 15-30 seconds. She would recover with minutes after each incident. It would still freak me out knowing something was wrong with her so I took her to different vets and a neurologist. But they couldn't find anything wrong with her. So we just kept moving along. Fast forward to 12/21/2019 around 8am she had another seizure but this one really effected her different. She started foaming at the mouth and breathing heavily and lost balance in her limbs. I knew something was seriously wrong so I took her to emergency and they ran all kinds of test and couldnt find anything. They stabilized her and released her back to me that night but they gave me the option of leaving her over night but I decided i would take her home where she would be comfortable. Around 1am that night she was restless pacing around the room. She gave me the saddest look that night and I felt like I should have took her back to the vet right then and there but I didn't. 6am she has a small seizure. It was more like facial twitching and chewing. Around 11am she ate her lunch but something still feels off. 5pm she ate her dinner so I thought ok she gonna be ok. 7pm hit and she has another bad seizure. By this time I'm feeling sick to my stomach and have a really bad feeling so I rush her to the vet. They run some more test and do some more x ray. Finally at 4am vet calls me and tells me she has aspirated psunomia. We go over her treatment which includes oxygen room, antibiotics and nebulization treatment. I'm like please do whatever necessary to save her. 12/23/2019 I go to the vet to visit her around 7pm. She isn't looking well and breathing very hard. I pet her threw the arm slot of the oxygen room. She seems to calm down but still in a daze. So I go home and at 10pm I get the dreaded phone call that my frenchie stop breathing. Im rushing to the hospital which is 30min away. They perform cpr for 20min but she isn't responding. They call me telling me there nothing else they can do. I get to vet to say my good byes and it the hardest thing I ever had to do. I feel so heartbroken, sick, lost and guilty. I keep replaying the situation over and over in my head wondering if I would have left her at the vet the 1st day would things have been different. If I had take her back to vet that night she was pacing around restlessly that things might have played out differently. I apologize if I'm not making any sense I haven't sleep or eaten much in the last 72hrs and just don't know what to do.
ae763

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Posts: 1
 #2 
I'm sorry but at least y did everything you could mine was in the balcony at the place where I move to 12/23/2019 1h pm I saw her but I was busy I thought shell come back after a while I had a really bad feelimg and I went to call her it must be confusing for her she does not know there is a train back of the house I called her at the wrong timing when the train driving 80 miles cut into half was my fault not to look for her earlier them was my fault to let her out in a new place you don't feel guilty because you did everything is possible to save her but mine her death can be prevented
grievingmom

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Posts: 640
 #3 
Shortdawg718,

I am very sorry you have had this horrific experience. What a nightmare. It is so reminiscent of something I went through with my cat Emerald and my cat Pearl. I am talking about the massive running from one place to another and all the tenseness, anxiety, fear and feeling sick inside. Unless someone has gone through this they have no idea what it is like. You are on auto pilot trying to save someone's life. I mean it is non-stop...the running from this expert to that ER, back to another ER, the regular vet. I remember with Emerald I had her in 5 places in one day. And that was just "one" of the days. In one week Pearl saw about 12 doctors. And that was just "one" of the weeks involved. Do I know what this horrible running around is like? You bet I do. And right now your heart is crushed because when you put in this much effort and it doesn't pay off...the hellish nightmare of having failed your own child is astounding. And do you do blame yourself because after all, you did everything so if you were doing everything right, they would still be alive. Listen...that's what we tell ourselves and when you think about it logically, it makes sense, right? Clearly we left something out or they would still be here. But this is the thing.

Pets, like people can die in the midst of being cared for. Just because we are doing EVERYTHING (and I literally mean everything), that is not a guarantee that they are going to pull through and survive. It sounds to me (because I know now it was the case with Pearl and Emerald) that Shorty was in the "dying" phase. By that I mean...there is sick, very sick and dying. "If" Shorty was in the dying phase, what was happening is you were working to save Shorty's life, keep Shorty alive. That is different from if a pet or person is in the "sick" stage where the goal is recovery from illness. When a pet or person is in the "dying" phase, there is no guarantee that their life can be saved. It is much different from when they are "just sick". In those cases, yes....science can pull out alot of tricks and cause them to recover. But when they are in the "dying" phase..it is often luck if they can be saved. And the reason for that is because Shorty was going to die some day and this was Shorty's time. As much as you think something bad happened to Shorty...really, this was Shorty's time to die. And that was what you were seeing, that's what you were a part of. So in a way, nothing bad happened to Shorty...because it was meant to be. And by that I don't mean some far off religious thing or new age thing. I mean...Shorty was going to die at some point in life. So was Emerald, so was Pearl. And this is what you were seeing. So there was no failure. The death was a death that came about due to natural causes. Illness is considered a natural cause as compared to dying from an accident or some violent act against a person or an animal. I know right now this is hard for you to take in, but someday come back and read this. Right now you are in the worst of the worst, a hellish nightmare. And this period in the processing of what has happened is going to take a long time to settle down. You have been severely traumatized. Trauma is like when you witness something horrible or have been a part of something horrible. You don't just calm down within a few hours with trauma. In most cases it takes months before you can even process what has happened and then it takes much longer after that for everything to make sense. Right now none of this makes sense and you are in no shape at this point to even have a clue as to what happened. If you want to talk more please post a reply. It is very hard when someone is in the place you are in to mentally function and in quite a few cases, to even physically get around. You are in shock. Again, if you want to talk more, please reply. But only if you wish to. You can comment on what was said here, ask questions or just provide more information. You are not alone in this. I want to help and so do the others.

Sincerely,
Stephanie
Shortdawg718

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #4 
Stephanie,

Thank you for sharing your story and explaining the process of losing a pet. It isn't easy losing a pet in any way. But you are right unless you experienced trying to save your pet whether it was your pets time or not and you feel like you failed you won't understand the feeling. I believe I am traumatized. My emotions are all over the place. I don't have much of an appetite and my sleep schedule been eradic the last few days. I sleep for an hour than stay up for 1hour and the pattern continues till the morning. I cant seem to shut off my brain at night. It's going a million miles an hour. Any advice on helping me with this is appreciated. I am starting to realize everything on this earth is temporary and anything you love can go in a blink of an eye. I also realize I'm very fortunate to have shared the special bond between human and pet and experience true unconditional love. I do understand this is going to be a long process and that's why I'm here asking for advice. I just wanted to thank you Stephanie and this community for having a place where we can go to get advice and closure.
grievingmom

Registered:
Posts: 640
 #5 
Hello Shortdawg718,

I just sent you a private message via this website. When you sign in you should see some sort of notification that you have a message waiting for you.

If for some reason you don't get it, let me know by replying to this right here.

Thanks,
Stephanie
Dog_Lover

Registered:
Posts: 9
 #6 
Hi Shortdawg718,
                           I understand the personal hell you are feeling. My 8 year old shih tzu injured himself while I was out of the house and after attempts to have him seen at his regular vet who then told me to go to the ER, died in my car. The lack of appetite and the crying spells and depression come on like a  water spigot, especially the guilt surrounding their loss. Please know that you aren't alone with these feelings and thoughts and I am going to grief counseling to help me sort through all of these feelings of despair. My home is not the same anymore. It is quiet and lonely where he was such a big lively part of it. No one will understand your loss the way you do. I was alone with him when he died and am angry at the original vet for telling me to go to the ER sooner. I am angry everywhere because I didn't even know he was injured until I observed him shortly after I got home. No dog deserves to die the way he did. I am beyond shattered. Please know you can come on to sites like this one where we can all help each other heal.
grievingmom

Registered:
Posts: 640
 #7 
Dog_Lover,


While the facts of our 'stories' may be different, I sure relate to much of what you wrote. In my case which is probably different from yours, I  was at wits end with feeling angry. I simply could not get rid of it no matter what to the point where it was really starting to get to ME. I wanted to murder the vet for one. In cold blood! I thought of him day and night. I did threaten to sue him and we settled out of court. But I was not satisfied in the slightest. I was filled with massive revenge really to the point that I thought perhaps my life was over as the anger was seeped into every pore in my body. I was drenched in anger and it is a miserable feeling. To this day I can't stand him and probably if I was a guy and I thought I could get away with it I'd approach him man to man but that isn't going to happen.

I am sorry you are suffering but we are lucky to have a place where we can let our hair down.

God bless,
Stephanie
Dog_Lover

Registered:
Posts: 9
 #8 
grievingmom, I appreciate you responding to me because I get the anger too! What I didn't describe in my response to you was that I was also angry at our vet office, not the vet my little boy saw and who I thought was professional. On this fateful day, I had called our local vet office, indicating that I think this was an emergency, and right then and there, they should have forwarded me to an animal ER. Instead they asked me a few questions and had me come in. When we arrived at the vets, no one looked up from their desks and acknowledged us, which is totally unprofessional. I had to let them know my dog was very sick. They whisked me into a small room with a dr I had never met before who asked me general questions, like, did he have kennel cough, etc. This facility did not have oxygen tanks or anything to assist my boy other than xray machine and a mild sedative that might cause death while having the xray taken. As soon as they did a chest xray this dr told me to now get to the ER, as he now had air outside his lung and needed urgent medical attention, but it is only a ten minute drive to get there. Well, it wasn't a ten minute drive and I was in shock driving, now finding out that my boy was in a life threatening situation!!! He died in my car on the way there. I got lost several times and had to ask people where the ER is, my poor boy passed away beside me. Drs tried to revive him to no avail. I am sickened and saddened what you went through and I am proud of you for going after this bastard! I have yet to send my own letter to his vet, but I plan on it, just to let them know that on their watch my dog died, didn't have a chance, going to there first. I am so disgusted with so called vets who are really in it for the money, they are corporations some of them.
                  
grievingmom

Registered:
Posts: 640
 #9 
Dog_Lover,


I understand your anger at the vet office. You were betrayed by that vet office. They treated you like a mother who was upset that didn't know what she was talking about. Vets can't diagnose an animal by telephone and if what you were describing even remotely sounded like an emergency, I think they failed in not telling you to get right over to the ER. They diagnosed a non emergency. And that is grounds to complain about them to the board of veterinary medicine in your state that licenses them. But for their negligence your boy might still be alive. Not to mention the emotional distress they put you in. You have alot to complain about.  I had a vet who told me via the phone "it is not clinically possible that your cat has suddenly gone blind over night. Don't worry about it". But she had. She was walking into walls and the following day had to be rushed to an ophthalmologist. I had another vet office tell me once about my dog Shad, "the weather isn't good outside, maybe that is why she is acting that way. No need to bring her in." She wasn't outside. She was inside and it wound up she was in full blown kidney failure. 

It is very important to know that what has happened to you is considered an actual trauma. People toss that word around. A clerk in the store can be disrespectful and someone will say "they were so mean, I am traumatized". That does not constitute a trauma. What happened to you with your boy dying in the car is a very serious traumatic event. You have two fold stress, pain and torment right now. 1) The side effects of being traumatized and 2) Grief. So what you are dealing with is not typical grief. I know all of this because I too was traumatized by the office. I have not gone into details in this reply so you wouldn't know what happened. The way a vet handled a situation. I wanted to kill myself afterwards because I could not cope with what had happened. That's trauma. (Not everyone feels the way I did, but you get my point.)

At some point you are going to have to come clean to this vet office as to exactly the impact they had on your by their decisions and actions.  But that can wait. Right now you have to deal with your own disturbing emotions and thoughts. Trauma can be physical too. The stress of the event can impact our bodies. I developed severe chest pain which I had never had in my life and has cleared up but at the time it was so severe I had to be prescribe prescription pain medication for it.

I am not a doctor, nurse or psychologist so I won't go into directing you on how to take care of what has happened to you, but you may need intervention from a professional so they can at least evaluate you and tell you just how bad things are. They can also advise you on how to take care of what has happened to you.

I can't begin to tell you how keenly aware I am of the torture you are living with right now. Driving around looking for the ER, asking people, your boy dying in the car. The whole story.


Please keep us update.

God bless you,
Stephanie
Dog_Lover

Registered:
Posts: 9
 #10 
Hi Grieving Mom,
Yes it has been a hard road. One in which I wasn't expecting. There is a lot of anger and resentment and sadness all wrapped in one unit. I am taking it one day at a time. 
grievingmom

Registered:
Posts: 640
 #11 
Dog_Lover,

I feel your pain.

But don't worry. Someday...even if it is years from now, things are going to ease up considerably.

In that respect, have hope. I know when I was at my worst, even knowing that "maybe" years
from then I might feel better gave me hope. It's pretty bad when the only hope you have is "maybe years from now I will feel better"...but hope is hope. What was awful was as those years played out, i went through some really terrible phases. As bad if not worse than the early days. But we are resilient and I made it through. Trust me, I was a walking nervous breakdown. A functional nervous breakdown on legs. But don't be mislead by the word functional. That does not suggest I couldn't or didn't feel. It means I am single and self supporting and had no one else to rely on. So I had to function while dying inside. 


You are at wits end with this pain. I promise you it won't be like this forever.

Stay in touch,
Stephanie
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