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Workman

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Posts: 1
 #1 
2 weeks ago I lost my 16.5 yr old pit. I had him by my side for 14.5 yrs. He was my best friend, my shoulder to cry on, my snuggle buddy, he held all my secrets, my protector, my life line. The emptiness inside me is so overwhelming. I had to make the decision to have him euthanized do to cancer. I'm still having a horrible time. But now today my Torky of 11.5 died in my arms in the waiting room at the vet's office. She was my little fat but that loved to control the house, my husband's baby but mine too. 4 have for more dogs still living still health. But I feel like a zombie, I honestly don't even want to come home anymore. I'm just lost I'm deep down in a whole and I don't know how to pull myself out.
Luvaqua21

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Posts: 10
 #2 
I am going through this also. My baby had cancer and I lost him on Monday. Nothing feels right. I am so sad. I hope the pain starts to ease soon, I need my life back, I need hope again. Good luck, I feel your pain.
MyHarry

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Posts: 4
 #3 
It sucks so bad! The worst feeling in the world losing a much loved member of the family. I had to say goodbye to my beautiful boy 2 days ago due to cancer, was so sudden. I am the same as you both, I cannot stop crying, I cannot eat or sleep. I feel like I can’t see any light at this dark tunnel. I wish my boy was here, I can’t stand the fact I’ll never be able to cuddle or kiss him or talk to him if I was having a bad day. He was absolutely everything to me. I keep getting told time is the best healer so I hope it goes by quickly. He was 13 years old , I wish they could live as long as us 😞
Luvaqua21

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Posts: 10
 #4 
MyHarry, I can tell you, it will get easier. My crying has slowed and the heartache is healing. I am on day 5...the pain is there, but I am starting to accept my loss. Good luck and keep hope.
darsoni

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Posts: 3
 #5 
I don't know how to start a new post, so if you can help me with that I'd appreciate it.  I see these post and I can see others are hurting like I am.  We had to put our boston terrier, Bailey, down this morning.  I have horrible guilt because I now believe the medications that she was on likely caused some of her condition.  If I had known this, I would have taken her off the medication to see if she got better.  I now think I didn't do enough for her.  She was our sweet, sweet girl who lit up our lives with joy.  I don't know how I am going to get over this guilt and pain.  I don't know if I will ever be better.
Luvaqua21

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Posts: 10
 #6 
The pain is unbearable. I know. I am on day 5 of having to put my sweet boy down. It gets alittle easier every day. I was hysterical, and had uncontrollable crying, guilt consumed me as well. It still hurts like hell, but it’s easier. Please give yourself time, that is the only thing that seems to help heal. Good luck and God bless
MyHarry

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Posts: 4
 #7 
Hi darsoni, firstly so so sorry to hear you have lost your beloved Bailey.
It really is sad and traumatising and loads of other emotions,however, it is all part of the grieving process.
Guilt is a massive part of grief, I still feel it now, my boy was purring, giving us head rubs and was still wanting cuddles right up to his last moment. I even said to my husband I don’t think he’s ready to leave us because he seemed so normal , but he was riddled with cancer and had we left it , his organs would have shut down and he would’ve been in incredible pain. His cancer was spreading rapidly. He was totally turned off his food for days and vomiting a lot. It wasn’t a kind way for him to keep going but the guilt of having him go to sleep still eats at me, even though deep down he wasn’t going to get better. I’m trying to learn to not beat myself up about it. I’m on day 3 and I still have plenty of tears but very slowly they are drying up. There is memories everywhere so I’m hoping soon I’ll be able to think about him and remember him without feeling sad and those memories will comfort us when we might be having a bad day. I hope you have support around you, it’s most important you let your emotions out and don’t bottle them up. We’re all here in the same boat so you can always let it all out here
darsoni

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Posts: 3
 #8 
Thank you. I just can’t get rid of the thought that maybe if I had stopped the medication that she was on she would have gotten better. I found out after we put her down the methocarbamol can cause nystagmus and seizure like symptoms. That’s the guilt that’s killing me. If I had only known this information before we put her down. We were in such a panic that she was in pain and suffering.
BensMum

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Posts: 1
 #9 
Dear darsoni, I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Bailey.

I am new to this forum and was searching for posts about medications that might have caused the health decline of a pet and then I found yours.

I just recently had to put my beloved 15-year-old Shih Tzu Ben to sleep. Since then I am a total wreck, having constant anxiety attacks and I feel so guilty. 

It took me some time to realize that the medication he was on for the last couple of months (a special cortisone med combined with pain killers) probably caused a lot of his suffering instead of helping him..

Right now I am not yet ready to talk about Ben's story and his last months..

If I had only stopped and thought about that ever since he started taking that medication, he was able to walk again but his overall health declined more and more..

And if I had only gone to a different vet, a specialist, a cardiologist...or at least started to ask the right questions...My little boy would still be here with me..I feel ever since he got ill I was in a state of constant shock, unable to think straight.

Why didn't I just stop giving him these meds? The worst part is, it was actually my idea to start with these meds as they had helped him when he was younger.


I loved him so much. He was like my child. I was so afraid to lose him that I gave him these meds in order not to lose him and to help him.

But in the end, it was my fault and it lead to his suffering and his death. I feel like I killed him. And it haunts me. Every time I look at his urn I break down and ask Ben for forgiveness. I cannot forgive me. 


 
Brandy_Mommy18

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Posts: 10
 #10 
Dear Darsoni & BensMum...My girl had been on medication to control her pain and I have no doubt it contributed to her death..her urine began to smell like ammonia and then she just stopped eating. But...these medications are necessary for so many reasons to stop the horrible symptoms of disease or stop the pain of arthritis..it is a double edged sword. Please don't be hard on yourselves for trying to make their lives more comfortable with medication... I'm so sorry for your loss
Luvaqua21

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Posts: 10
 #11 
I agree. My Captain had bone cancer. He was on pain and anti inflammatory, maximum doses, for over 6 months. He did quit eating, except irresponsible human food and treats. The lack of nutrition was sure to enhance his decline in health, but without the medication he would have been in excruciating pain, and probably wouldn’t have wanted to eat. I miss him more than words can express. I never knew this kind of pain before. Forgive yourself.
darsoni

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Posts: 3
 #12 
Hi Everyone,
I am so sorry for all of your losses.  I was able to talk with Bailey's regular vet and she told me that it is likely Bailey had a neurological problem causing her symptoms.  She assured me that the methocarbamol wouldn't have caused it.  It did provide me with some relief, but I still go through it in my head over and over.  It just kills me that she had all of this all of a sudden.  We thought we had a spine issue and that we would crate her and medicate her til she became stable....then all this other stuff.  It was just so much so fast.  Bailey had to have medication because she was in pain.  Our family is heartbroken.  She was such a special family member.

babydaisy

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Posts: 27
 #13 
Hi everyone.

I am new on here and feel the same..

We forget that we gave our pets certain meds because we loved them and wanted so desperately for them to get better, and whatever was to happen from then onwards we were not to know., however, this grief is confusing us into thinking that we ought to have changed the meds to another or perhaps have done something else differently..All we did was love, we did what we thought was right but now we are left torturing and blaming ourselves..

I lost my 15 year old Chihuahua to kidney failure and Arthritis. She was on hills prescription food and Ipakatine for the kf and steroids for the arthritis ( which made her fur fall out )

The last moments of her life are haunting me and I feel like a light switch has been turned off inside of me..
I feel like I will never recover, I just want to hold my little baby girl. I rescued her and she had a bad start in life beforehand. I know she was deteriorating but I just cannot stop these feelings of guilt over deciding to give her euthanasia :_(((

babydaisy
GoldenMom

Registered:
Posts: 22
 #14 
babydaisy, I promise you that you will recover. It is so difficult right now and I know you are upset with her last moments but there will be a time when the pain of your goodbye doesn’t hurt like it does right now. I’m missing my boy dearly and it is so hard. I know the pain you are feeling and I wish I could take our pain away and the pain everyone reading is experiencing. Years ago I had my first ever experience having to euthanize a beloved dog. It was in an emergency situation and I had to make a decision quickly, surgery or euthanasia. Based on his age and the fact that it would be major surgery, I decided to have him put down. It upset me to my core. I even hated the very word euthanasia. When my boy began to deteriorate in the last few weeks I prayed for him to have a peaceful passing on his own but he didn’t and continued to deteriorate. I know I couldn’t let him continue to suffer. He deserved to be at peace and needed his family to make the decision to help him be at peace. We made our decision out of love just like you did for your Baby Daisy. And it is because of our great love for our pets that we hurt so much now. Keep posting and sharing. We will get through this together. ((Hugs))
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