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Savarhna

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Posts: 2
 #1 
Today a big part of me died.

For the last couple of weeks I’ve been working crazy ass hours at work, plus had the flu for almost a week and a bit, so that hasn’t been the greatest.

I finished work late lastnight as usual, came home and couldn’t sleep. Was up to about 5am hungry as hell. I gave myself the option of either making breakfast for myself and two fur babys or “trying” to get some sleep.

Long story short I made breakfast for the three of us and somehow drifted into a deep sleep straight after. I wake up dazed and lost, I get up to check on my babies and noticed one was missing. Bella (who’s seventeen) usually sleeps on the tiles in the kitchen due to them being nice and cold in this 30 degree heat. But she wasn’t there, I check outside and saw my baby laying on the lawn in the sun. Thinking wtf I walked up to her and knew straight away. I just dropped to my knees and cried, the fact that I wasn’t there for her in her last hours kills me. My mums currently overseas at moment so it was just me and my other fur baby that had seen Bella like this.

My heart has never hurt this much in my life. I can’t explain the feeling, it’s like my a good chunck of my reason for living was taking away from me. I organised her to be cremated, so that’s where she’ll be for the next 3 days, now my home feels empty. I know that grieving is common in this situation but I feel like I’m so beyond grieving that it hurts more than it should. Bella was my everything, was there for me more than my own family, this hurts man. I knew this day was coming I just didn’t know it’d happen so fast. IM SHATTERED
cosesmom

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Posts: 580
 #2 
Just think of Bella and how good she must have felt with the sun in her face when she took her final breath. You were there for her and she knew it. This was her way of going on with out you. I know your hurting because you were not physically with her but you were there. I know she had you in her heart and mind as she laid down to make here final trip from this earth. I still see my baby take his final breath and it tears me up inside. It's an image that keeps rewinding in my mind all the time. Maybe Bella wanted to spare you this and chose her own way. I am so sorry for your lose, I really am. I wish Termy would have just closed his eyes one night and I wouldn't feel the guilt I feel now. Please know that we all share your pain and I wish I could take away the pain and replace it with love.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom





Savarhna

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #3 
Thankyou so much for this. I needed that little bit of closure to comfort me. I didn’t even think of it in that way at all, but that’s definitely taken a lot of my shoulders. This is my first day without her and it’s tough, my home feels so empty. I know she wouldn’t want me in this state though so I’m trying my best for her. I appreciate your reply so much, thankyou ❤️🐾🕊
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