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Princessmere1

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Posts: 6
 #1 

I lost my 19 year old fluffy tuxedo kitty Rory on Sunday. I have been through several deaths of cats before but this is different. She was my world And my best friend.  I have never been closer to any other cat or a person. She was my constant through divorce, loss of other cats, and death of family memembers. She was always there licking away my tears and patting my cheek. I am so devastated. She went suddenly blind. I took her to a kitty ophthalmologis who said it was probably Neurological. I took her to neurologist and had an MRI. It was a nasal tumor. It pushed into her brain, eye, and sinus wall. I took her home with palliative care. She started circling non stop, could not pee or defecate. She was so congested she couldn’t breathe. She cried in pain so she had to be freed. The day I took her in she purred in my ear and patted my face. It broke my heart.What is confusing me is I can not cry. I feel like she is at the vet get better and I will go get her soon. I know this is irrational. I was told she wouldn’t survive when she was 3 months old. She has lived through severe Pneumonia as a kitten which they suggested her to be put to sleep. She got better. She went through to deadly bouts of pancreatitis. She had a collapsed lung, thyroid, heart, and liver problems but never let it slow her down. My vet was astounded. This makes her death seem impossible. How can I mourn when it doesn’t seem real. I feel like I’ll be picking her up soon. Anyone else have this happen? I’m expecting hysteria but it hasn’t happened.

pansy

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Posts: 599
 #2 
It takes a while to process and at first just doesn't seem real.  I've experienced similar feelings after the loss of a pet and also from loss of friends or family.  Seems it is just too painful to absorb it all at once so it takes times to adjust.  I'm sorry for your loss.  Time lessens the pain but we don't have much choice but to go through the grieving.  It's painful I know.
Princessmere1

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Posts: 6
 #3 
Thank you pansy
pjsetters

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Posts: 6
 #4 
You're experiencing stage one of grief: denial.  It's totally normal.  When you've lived with a pet for so many years it's natural for it to feel surreal when they're gone.  Sometimes I find myself thinking my babies aren't really gone, they're just outside or in another room.

I'm very sorry for your loss.
Princessmere1

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Posts: 6
 #5 
Thank you Pjsetters
I have been through kitty deaths since I was 5, 12 of them. This is the first time I haven’t cried. I fear when I start though I  won’t stop.

Kat_HCSWG

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Posts: 17
 #6 
Hi Princessmere1,
First, I’m so sorry for your loss. Second, yes, you are normal. This is a natural response to such a huge loss. The brain had a way of protecting us through emotional trauma. It’s not letting you confront the entire reality of Rory’s passing. That’s a good thing for now.

Think of your feelings as a balloon full of air. If you let out a little at a time, the balloon is stable, doesn’t fly around, etc. In contrast, if we let all the air out at once, the balloon flies out of control.

Allow yourself to experience whatever feelings you are having. Be present in the moment.

Sincerely,
Kat
Pet parent of Hank 2009-2019
Princessmere1

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #7 
Hello Thank you Kat for those words. They help make sense of it.
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