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Fionasmum

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Posts: 730
 #1 
It's been 8 weeks since we lost our beautiful little dog Fiona.  She died July 20th of a heart tumour.  She was almost 9 years old and I believed we had many more years of joy with this special little creature. For those of you who read my earlier posts you may recall that Fiona died the day after my brother's funeral - Malcolm had been killed in a car accident just a few days before. That is another story and one that I am not ready to manage.  In the meantime, there is the loss of my beloved little Fiona to cope with every day.

Fiona, I miss the smell of your little body.  I miss the way you jumped on to the couch to snuggle when I stole a Saturday afternoon nap.  I miss the way you walked along behind us and always nudged the back of our legs with your damp little nose to let us know you were there.  I miss the way you enjoyed your dinner - always jumping with excitement when I put down the bowl even though it was the same meal every day.  I miss walking along the streets to shop and having you drag us to the stores that you knew gave cookies to doggy companions.  I miss whispering how much I loved you as I held your warm little face close to mine.  I miss feeling complete, like a family, and putting your name alongside ours on greeting cards.  I miss the way you climbed inside my suitcase to smell where I had been when I came back from business trips. I miss seeing the happiness in your big bright eyes when the toy box was opened or you knew it was Saturday and there was a long walk on the beach to enjoy. I miss the way you tolerated the raincoats, hats and sweaters I made you wear - always looking like you were putting up with it for my sake. I miss how happy a bike ride could make you when I lifted you into your basket and we set off around the Stanley Park seawall.  I have not ridden my bike since you left us. I miss saying all the silly little nicknames I had for you - Puppet, Fifi La Roux, Fee, Frijola, and how you answered to all of them with what I think was a sense of humour. I miss how you made me feel when I was sad and how I know you would have helped comfort me on the death of my only brother.  I miss the feeling of pride - that you were MINE - and how much that made me feel special and needed.  Most of all I miss ME -the person I was just a few short weeks ago who was fortunate enough to have a beautiful little friend and a wonderful, big-hearted brother. I miss how normal everything seemed then. 

I will miss you and love you both forever. You are irreplaceable to me.

I also want to thank everyone who shares their stories of grief, loss and hope on this site.  I cannot imagine how much worse this time would be for me without all of you.  I am realizing that I will never 'get over it' but with your help I have come to think that maybe I will be able to get through this dreadful summer.  But oh this has been a test of my strength and my faith.


judesmom

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Posts: 1,901
 #2 
what a lovely tribute to your beloved fiona and your big hearted brother.   i would imagine that they are now together and fiona is dragging him all around heaven going for walks and looking for the places where all the doggie treats are stored.   they are laughing and enjoying themselves and watching over you.

i can so understand when you said how you missed ME-the person you were a few short weeks ago.   i so very well know that feeling how one day everything is right with your world and then suddenly that 'feel good' feeling is gone.    and yes you and all the rest of us will get through this tragic sad time in our lives.     one day we will rejoice when we are once again holding our little darlings in our arms never to let go again!   and also saying a very fond 'i've missed you' to all of our other loved ones.

thank you for sharing!
rottiesrule

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Posts: 596
 #3 

What a lovely tribute to Fiona. I can't imagine how you cope with both of the huge losses you've had. I can only add my prayers that you are able to maintain your strength and that you find peace where ever you can. Fiona was a beautiful girl, and I know she still loves you very much, as does your brother. And I hope they can give you a sign that they are ok, and together and happy that they found each other. Hugs to you my friend.

River

Registered:
Posts: 262
 #4 
Fiona is so sweet. I just love the image of her riding in the basket of your bike with you. My heart just aches for you. Time seems to move so slowly and you must often feel weighted down by that heavy blanket of grief and sadness. I know in time that you will be able to shed that heavy blanket and you will begin to feel more like you did before, but you will be a different you. I wish you the strength and courage.
LoriDR

Registered:
Posts: 2,123
 #5 
Yes, I remember your story about Fiona and your brother, and my heart still goes out to you. Mary said it so well, about how heavy you must feel weighted down with grief. I certainly can understand how this would be a test of your faith. But, you are very strong, my friend. I can feel it through your posts. I'm so glad you are coming here and talking about it when you need to. Take care of yourself as you grieve.

Hugs of comfort,
Lori

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