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MrsSad

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Posts: 12
 #1 
Today I lost my first dog aged 14. My best friend ever. The grief is unbearable. I don’t know how to cope, can’t bare to be alone. I had no idea it would be this bad. Please, someone, tell me it’s ok?
KatKat

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Posts: 171
 #2 
I'm so sorry, you've lost an important part of your life and it's painful and understandably unbearable.  It will hurt for awhile, but with time the pain will ease.  Everyone works through it in their own way and at their own pace.  If it helps to be with someone, than seek your solace there.  It is ok to feel sad and grieve for your sweet pet.  I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you will be ok in time.    Please keep reaching out, keep expressing your grief here, all of us come to this message board because we have lost a beloved pet and having people that understanding how you are feeling can be a great comfort.  I truly am sorry that you lost your dog today.  My thoughts are with you.
MyLittleOneIsGone

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Posts: 194
 #3 
I'm sorry about your loss today of your best friend.  Life is not fair.  It is still new with you and you may grieve for a while which is perfectly okay. It will take some out of you. Grief is not fun.  I've been grieving my 6-year old dog since Xmas Eve when my nightmare began. I am still in pain.  I sometimes question if this is just a bad dream. I wish I had all the right words to say to you. 

Grieve as long as you need.  Everyone on this forum is going though the same. We are all grieving. Some have unanswered questions (like I do), some are dealing with guilt (I am), and everyone here is dealing with sadness and grief from our losses.  

You will find calming and uplifting messages from people on the forum doing what we are all doing, getting by one day at a time and giving hope to someone else.  Please continue to visit this forum and if you need to talk and you are in the US, there are pet loss phone support hotlines listed online.  Take care of yourself.  It's a journey.   ~ Parker's Mom
kal322

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Posts: 3
 #4 
I just lost my fur baby today, too 💔 This pain is debilitating...I cannot believe I will never see him again. I’m sending you hugs. You’re not alone in your pain. I hope our babies are playing up there together.
MrsSad

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Posts: 12
 #5 
It’s a type of grief very different to grief of the loss of a human. I find that strange but anyway, couldn’t sleep last night feel awful this morning. Got to go to work later but dread going home to no wagging tail and barks. Sometimes he came to work with me....I can’t bare to face it. Thanks for your replies...big help.
MrsSad

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Posts: 12
 #6 
New morning new day but didn’t sleep. Kept hearing noises and thought it was him. Family n friends say think about getting another, different sort but, this will sound daft, I don’t want to be disloyal to him. How do you not compare new to old? Do people have another dog to ease the pain only to go through it all again? This has knocked me for six, I’m 59 n crying like a baby. Sorry to go on.....
kal322

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Posts: 3
 #7 
I couldn’t sleep last night either remembering my baby. All i want to do is sleep and forget about this pain. I got my Oscar (who I lost yesterday, too) 11 years ago after I lost my Pekingese...I figured a Shih Tzu was pretty close to a Pekingese but not close enough to make me feel guilty for getting a new one. It helped a lot, Oscar truly brought me back to life. But yes, here we go again with the cycle now of losing a furry best friend.

Don’t be sorry for going on. Don’t feel weird for crying. You are not alone with your grief and I truly feel the body aches you’re going through, too. This is all so incredibly painful and I can’t imagine I’ll ever genuinely be happy again :-( sending you hugs to get through this day, we can do it...
MrsSad

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Posts: 12
 #8 
Kal, I too feel like I’ll never be happy again but I guess time is a great healer, as they say,. I can’t bear to be in the house, not too bad if I’m out and about but the minute I come through my front door, it’s wham! Crying starts, no friend to greet me. Then I think, look forward girl, look forward to having another dog later this year and off I go again, it won’t be the same. I know it doesn’t have to be the same but try telling me that!
Napalmakita66

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Posts: 138
 #9 
You were sent to the boards like all of us...i found this place when I was at rock bottom. I'm glad I did. Lost my beautiful Akita, Katsu 2 weeks ago..he was only 7.
Like all have said, your feelings are normal and very understandable. I couldn't sleep and hardly are the first week. Took 2 weeks before I started getting out of the house. It's getting easier but I still cry and I will never stop missing my boy.
Now's not the time for replacing your pet. Let your emotions run their course. Take time to grieve and take care of yourself. I still look all over the house and yard for my pup..maybe their soul is still around. I know the hurt and I'm sorry for your loss. I know how quiet and empty the house can be without our little angels. It will be ok..you'll smile and feel good again..that's what they want for us. Be well
MrsSad

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Posts: 12
 #10 
Day 3 and not little dog to lick the yoghurt pot...it’s little things like this that set me off again. Got to leave the house this afternoon.... can’t bear it
KatKat

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Posts: 171
 #11 
I'm so sorry, our lives are impacted so much by our pets both in life and death.  All of us come to this forum due to loss.  Different pets, different losses but a common feeling of sadness and grief.  It's been over 2 weeks for me but I'm still feeling the loss and a sense of heaviness every day.  I'm at least not crying for most of the day like in the beginning but I still have tears here and there, remorse and that sense of loss and "what if."   Please keep reaching out, I have found that it helps.  Sending you wishes that you find some solace today.
Napalmakita66

Registered:
Posts: 138
 #12 
Mornings are the hardest for me. My boy would wake me up and run downstairs for our hike at the park. Come home, he would get a treat then he would lay by my door while I did yoga and meditated. Then we would eat breakfast together.
He was my morning routine for years..I looked forward to it when going to bed and loved his happy licks to start my day. Hanging his leash and collar up for the last time crushed me.
I've changed my routine..I try not to drive by the park. I've thought about moving. It's hard..it's an adjustment, but slowly things are getting better. I totally understand how you feel. It's empty and quiet now.
Keep going, one day at a time. I wish the best for you.
skmk

Registered:
Posts: 93
 #13 
I know how all of you feel and I'm so sorry for your losses.   It really is so hard.  I'm still grieving after 10 months of being without my Dickens.  He and I had such a special relationship.  He was 13 years and 4 months old.  He passed away at the vets office and I feel so bad that I wasn't there in his last minutes.  I had left him there for treatment.  I never thought he'd die.  It was such a shock.  I too sometimes find it hard to believe he's gone.  He was just one of the many losses I had last year.  I lost 2 goats and a cat in addition to him.   I felt surrounded by death and still feel that.  Plus my husband is battling cancer.  I don't know how much more I can take.  I'm glad all of you understand the grief and guilt that goes along with losing a pet.  I don't dare tell anyone that I'm still grieving.  Everything reminds me of him.  His pictures are too sad for me to look at, doesn't that sound terrible?  It feels terrible that in the end I couldn't help him.  I'm wondering if this pain will ever go away.  I can't even think about getting another dog, I don't know if there ever will be another one.  I too have altered my routine because everything reminds me of him. 
Thank you all for letting me vent.  I wish you all the best!
skmk
MrsSad

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Posts: 12
 #14 
Sink I read with interest. I have had to change my iPad screen saver from my dog to something else. Wow this really hurts. Anything relating to him I’ve had to remove but I don’t want it to be like he never existed either so some photos remain, I look at them and cry. I’m sorry for your loss and for everything you are battling. I have a friend with terminal cancer and suddenly I feel guilty I’m mourning a dog. I’m full of guilt right now about all sorts of things and now it’s approaching bed time and no boy on my bed and the tears are starting again. Thank you everyone who,posts, it is such a comfort. I wish there was a big room to put us all in for a big hug. Thank you everyone. I expect I’ll be back......
Napalmakita66

Registered:
Posts: 138
 #15 
Skmk, thank you for sharing. Sounds like it's been a tough time for you lately. I hope nature brings some balance to you soon. I've come to believe that our pets choose to go when they do. It certainly wasn't the best time for me, but I'm not running the show.
Pictures are hard...someone sent me a picture book of my boy today. I broke down in tears and had to put it away. I'm just not there yet. I think it's a perfectly reasonable reaction.
If you decide to bring another angel into your life, you'll know when your ready. My boy was an absolute gift that came into my life Right when I needed him. Maybe I'll get another, but right now is my time you heal. I hope you can do the same. Be well
Napalmakita66

Registered:
Posts: 138
 #16 
I doubt there's any need for guilt. We do the best we can, we do what we think is right. Mistake are inevitable...I learn from them, vow to never have it happen again and try to move on.
Memories are one of the gifts we have as humans. No need to discard them..set them aside until your ready. Be well
patches0330

Registered:
Posts: 42
 #17 
MrsSad, 

I am so sorry for your loss. Like you, I am experiencing the loss of a pet for the first time this year. We had to put our 11 year old Cockapoo, Patches, to sleep on March 30, 2019. It was his 11th birthday. I have never felt a pain so bad as this one. Our veterinarian recommended grieving for at least a year before we start thinking about getting another dog. My therapist, on the other hand, suggested getting one asap to help us through the grieving process. I wish I had listened to our vet. We got a puppy named Jackson about a month after our dear Patches passed on and I regretted it the moment we brought him home. I couldn't stop crying. I felt so guilty and disloyal and like I was betraying Patches. When we took Jackson to the vet, we talked to the doctor about our feelings and he reassured us that our feelings were valid. He guided us through the process of contacting the rescue we adopted him from, and he told us that it's okay to take the time to grieve whether it's days, weeks, months, or years and that when we're ready, we can let him know and he'll help us adopt another dog. We just weren't ready for another dog because we hadn't worked through the pain of losing Patches. Try not to let other people force a new pet on you. That happened with my cousin. She and her boyfriend got into a really bad car accident and ended up in the hospital then a rehab facility right after. During that time, her parents had to put their 14 year old husky to sleep. When she got back home from rehab, her brother had surprised her with a new husky puppy. She was completely devastated. She didn't have any time to work through her feelings/emotions of losing her first dog, and suddenly she has to put them completely on hold in order to take care of the new baby. She had a really difficult time and couldn't connect with him, just like we couldn't connect with Jackson. 

When you're ready for another pet, you'll know. I should have 1) listened to our vet and 2) listened to my heart. I kept asking for peoples' thoughts/opinions on when it was an appropriate time to get another dog. If I kept questioning it, I should have known that I wasn't ready. 

If you can find something to keep busy while also remembering your best friend, that might be a good step towards healing. I like to do arts and crafts. I've been drawing pictures and doodles of him (they aren't award winning drawings by any means, but they help get my emotions out), I write a lot, I wrote a bunch of letters to Patches and things that I wish I could say to him and things that I want him to know, I started a long journal of all the memories and adventures we've been on together, I organised photos and created a photo album, and my most recent project was decorating my graduation cap in memory of him and my grandma. I also bought a big shadow box to showcase his most favourite toys and blankets. It keeps them safe and it's a nice little decoration to add to our house. When Patches was alive, he'd sleep in my room with me. I'd always say goodnight and that I love him. Now, I sit in bed with his blanket, look at his photos and collar, and I'll talk to him about my day and what's on my mind. I've started typing those conversations into my computer so that I can look back on what I've talked about with him. I guess that might be a little crazy to some people, but it seems to be helping me out quite a bit. It's a nice way to keep busy while also memorialising your best friend. 

When we got back to the house after we put Patches to sleep (it's hard to call it "home" without Patches), we picked up his beds, toys, food/water bowls, and a few other things. We couldn't stand looking at them knowing he'd never use any of them again... but at the same time, it hurt seeing the empty space. I'm not quite sure which is worse. I'm the opposite with the pictures. He's my lockscreen photo and we have pictures of him all over the house so that we can always see him. I even printed out pictures and put them into a tiny frame to keep at work on my workbench/desk. He is my life and my reason for being. I suffer from depression and anxiety and he was one of the ones to keep me grounded and sane. Pets are our lives and it's so difficult losing them. I knew that it would be bad (I was grieving him well before he passed away. He had a lot of health issues and sometimes we weren't sure if he was going to make it), but in reality, it's much, much worse than I could have ever imagined. 

I read that you're ready to get another pet once the memories bring laughter instead of tears. Once you're able to laugh instead of immediately break down when looking at the pictures and thinking of all the memories, then you can begin thinking about adding another friend to your lives. 

A lot of people out there won't ever understand the impact our pets had on our lives & that's okay. It makes me sad knowing that those people have never and never will experience the love that we shared with our best friends. It hurts so badly right now but that's because of how much you loved each other. Your bond and connection was and still is so strong that this pain is the result of all the love you gave each other throughout the years. 

Best of luck to you <3 
KatKat

Registered:
Posts: 171
 #18 

In our lives there's always going to be a situation where we can say, "I know there's people going through worse things."  What I have always said with regard to this is "this is personal to you and it's painful and you are suffering now."  Yes, objectively, there's always a situation we can look at and say "it's so much worse" but again, this is personal to you, this is painful, this is real and you shouldn't feel guilty for the pain you are feeling and for mourning your pet.  I'm sorry for your loss and your pain.  You have the right to mourn.

MrsSad

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Posts: 12
 #19 
Patches mum - thank you for sharing that with us. I took a lot on board. Thank you.
Napalmakita66

Registered:
Posts: 138
 #20 
Thank you all for sharing. I wish I had more to say...maybe it's best I don't. I'm getting over my depression I think..but outta taken its toll over the past weeks and I'm just exhausted. I miss my boy so much..like all of you, my puppet was the anchor in my life. Gonna be another lonely night without you little man. I wish everyone the best. Be well
MyLittleOneIsGone

Registered:
Posts: 194
 #21 
Yes, MrsSad,  This grief is very different to grief from losing a human. So much so, I'd trade my husband if I could  ave my dog Parker come back. 

My grief has been with me for many months. The circumstances have caused me to grieve this long, and maybe longer.  You will get soothing replies and uplifting messages on this forum. Come back when you need to. Grieve as long as you need to.  I wish I had the answer to all of this so I could relieve our pain and bring back all of our babies.

~ Parker's Mom
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