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Martha2

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Posts: 13
 #1 
Tomorrow it will be five weeks since our cat J died. In some ways, it feels like forever - I've been missing him for so long, it's been so long since I saw him, or hugged him.

In other ways, it's incredibly raw. I cry every day, and I can't talk about him - or think about him - without crying. I think about him all the time. Yesterday was an extremely bad day. I didn't leave the house and spent hours crying relentlessly.

I can't imagine ever feeling happy again. I feel like every occasion will be flavored with this sadness. I know people here will understand - but most people in real life expect me to have dealt with it by now (luckily there are two or three who are incredibly supportive).

I think about him first thing when I wake up, and a wave of sadness washes over me. I had a horrible dream that I was looking for him a while ago. 

It's just really hard, and I had to get the feelings out. 
arosettamason48

Registered:
Posts: 32
 #2 
Martha2,

Flavored with sadness is the best way anyone could ever describe how I feel. I've not been able to put into words how I know I will never be happy again without him. Each and every moment that I feel even the tiniest but of relief is quickly washed away by the reminder that he is no longer here and that nothing will ever be the same. I haven't left my house in an entire month.. I just can't do it.
Please remember that you're not alone
buddy2k

Registered:
Posts: 103
 #3 
I understand exactly how you are feeling, I feel the same way.  My Lilly left me one month ago.
It's heartbreaking, and oh so hard.  Painful.  Sad.  Lot's of tears.
Hopefully one day soon, we will find some peace.
Hugs
Lilly's mom
Dianednd

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Posts: 6
 #4 
Your feelings and grief are shared by all of us here. I never thought I would ever talk to anyone who felt like I do. But here I’ve realized I’m not alone. You are not alone. All the cliches in the world are true. One in particular comes to mind, “I would give anything in the world for the chance to hold Jazzy one more time.” My grief is so intense sometimes I feel like the world just spins and spins and falls away and it’s just me in the whole world all alone without him. Martha2 I share your broken heart. I wish more than anything I could take just a little piece of everyone’s pain and lock it away someplace. Just so someday we can all smile again someday. I know it seems impossible because it does to me. But I have hope and faith that Jazzy is being cared for someplace beautiful and that he is in the company of many beautiful beloved lost loved ones.
Martha2

Registered:
Posts: 13
 #5 
Thank you everyone so much for your replies. Sometimes it's easy to feel alone when the pain is so overwhelming. There have been times where I've been sitting with a group of people (like over Christmas) and I didn't feel connected to them - I mean physically. It's hard to explain, but it was like there were transparent walls around me. I feel separate to the action and isolated in my own unhappiness. 

I can't even start to think about the idea of holding my cat one more time, because it hurts too much. I guess I just don't know how to process this level of sadness.
Vblue

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #6 
Martha2

I understand how you feel. I don’t want to talk to anyone unless we are talking about Bear. Everyone but me seems to be handling and progressing since we put Bear to sleep. I’m sad all day and I don’t want to leave the house. He occupied practically every area of our house and the memories are so overwhelming. The thought of never being able to hug him again is gut wrenching.
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