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Posts: 84


Thank you, My Friends, for all of your responses to my last post. I have been wanting to answer them, but so much has happened since then & it's been very stressful for me. I ask one more time (please) for your prayers & your *strength* to face the inhumane thief friday morning, in court, for his arraignment. This is something I feel I *most* do.....for my baby girl, Onyx.

When the Detective (one of the nicest men I have ever met in my life) brought her ashes to my home for me to *hold* for a short was at that moment I KNEW I would have to face this so called human. He had taken Onyx's little wooden box & had ripped the lock off. Once inside (the ashes are sealed in plastic), he has  opened up a corner & stuck his finger in her beloved ashes (I could see were his finger had been) & then I'm sure (since he is a drug addict) TASTED my baby's precious remains to see if they were drugs! The thought of this, MAKES ME SICK TO MY STOMACH! My baby's ashes were treated with NO respect! Please, please give me the strength to face this sub-human. I know I won't be able to say anything tomorrow, but I want to see what charges are brought against him. I don't want him to ever do this to another family.

Concerning this wonderful Detective, who has gone out of his way to bring Onyx's ashes to my home & than her stained glass urn (he just found 2 days ago when the thief was arrested), I went back on TV again & thanked this *caring* man for everything he has done for me. There is still so much more to this never-ending story, but the Det. said he wrapped my precious girl's ashes with the *greatest of care* & they are put away safely until Onyx can once again come home.

I'm just hurts so much knowing what has happened. For a minute I get so excited that Onyx will be coming *home* & then I remember, it's her *ashes* that are coming home, not her.......and, my heart breaks all over again. I have to keep telling myself that she is  *home* at the Bridge.


Much love to all & you're babies~


Pami & the spirit of my Onyx


Posts: 1,234

Please do not take this the wrong way, but the perp is still a human being. He or she is still not realizing that it was ashes that were in the urn. When you go to court, understand this person will not look you in the eye, will not apologize, nor will the lawyer who represents the perp.

This person was looking only for valuables that could be sold or pawned to feed a drug habit, more that likely Meth. Be aware that if it is meth, the perp will not even acknowelage being in your home, if he does his memory will be sketchy.

I work in corrections and in juvenile corrections, there just is no conscience. I say this to prepare you for court.

Please understand that you have my symapthy. Understand that non of what happened to you home or possesions mean anything to the perp. I pray that yu have a good judge who will deal with the crime according to the utmost severity the law permits. Understand to, that the perp might just be ordered to re-hap and can an will perp again ..

I hope this helps prepare you for tomorrow. Good luck and try not to be upset with the system.


Posts: 5,100
Dear Pami,

I will be thinking of you as you face down that disgusting perp in court.

There has to be some weird karma associated with sticking one's fingers into sacred cremains and tasting them.   

I am just so very, very thankful you will be getting Onyx's cremains back when all of this is concluded.

You are in my thoughts and prayers, so STAY STRONG!!

Love and big hugs,

Betsy's forever mom 

Posts: 577
I have tears in my eyes after reading your post.   I read about what happened when you posted about it.   PLEASE PLEASE know that my deepest thoughts will be with you tomorrow.   I wish you much strength.    Let us know how it goes.  It sounds like a wonderful detective worked on your case.

Many hugs to you!

My prayers and much strength is sent your way.

Merry's mom

Posts: 763

Dear Pami, your darling Onyx and the prayers of your friends will give you strength tomorrow. Onyx's spirit brought her back to you. How strong and determined she must be. You will see the worst mankind has to offer but you will be strong. You will be looking at the lowest of lowlifes but you will stand tall. You will see the weakest of creatures but you will be determined. Your beloved Onyx will be right there next to you. Don't worry, you will do your baby proud. I just know it. You are in my prayers. Donna, Mr. Meowgy's mom


Posts: 1,910
There are way too many really sick people in this world whom I would not consider human.  To me human means being capable of love and concern for another sentient being (human or furred one).  This creature who desecrated Onyx's ashes in a drug induced state fails, while many cats and dogs do show that they are "human" in the loving sense of the word.

It's hard to tell what will happen in court. So much depends upon the individual jurisdiction, the judge presiding, and the defendant's prior record.  If this is a "three strikes and you're out" place, society won't have to deal with that creature again.

Regardless, please remember that once Onyx left this world, the only thing that mattered was the love relationships in this life.  The bond between the two of you can never be broken, souls are forever, so love is, too!  It in no way hurt Onyx at all what happened to the ashes of the cast off body when the soul left this world.  What whosit did seems ghoulish to me, but it did no harm to the Onyx that you love and will never forget.

On a comparatively trivial scale: Five years ago I had to have my beloved Bartholomew cat put to sleep when that became the best in an array of horrible choices.  I chose to have his remains cremated.  A few weeks later a letter arrived from the place that had done the cremation and spread the ashes in the wind.  They spelled his name wrong!  I burst into tears, thinking how disrespectful of him, how could they do that, I paid good money for this and they didn't even get his name right.  A wise cyberfriend pointed out that it didn't matter at all to Bartholomew, and I realized she was right.  If it didn't bother him, then it didn't hurt him, so then I could accept what was just a stupid clerical error.  But it still irks me!

A druggie disturbed Onyx's remains... but it really made no difference at all to Onyx. 

Oh.  I just now remembered.  Some months back, Keith Richards or somebody in the Rolling Stones said he'd snorted his father's cremains.  I forget who it was of that group, but they were all such druggies (and look it, if they're even still alive!).  I don't know if it's really true or just said to shock people.   But even if it *is* true,  it really does no harm to the father.

Sorry this got so long, I hope you can find some comfort in here somewhere.

Posts: 699
Dear Pami,

My thoughts and many prayers will be with you tomorrow.  It's still hard to wrap my mind around what has happened to you, and I just can't begin to imagine how horrible this time has been for you.

You have the love of your Beloved Onyx in your heart, and she will give you the strength to get through this.

With love,
Katharine, Grunt's Mom Forever   

Posts: 84


Thank you Meriam, Melissa, Cindy, Donna & Kamc22 for your words of support, your kindness & your prayers. I am going thru so many emotions at this's hard to sort them out. This whole ordeal has been very trying. Not only did this addict take my precious girl's ashes, but he broke into our *home* & stole $15,000 worth of jewelry (some of which was family heirlooms), credit cards, checkbooks, etc. & my personal medical records which had my social security # on them.

Last week when I went on TV to thank the Det. for a *job well done* (for finding Onyx's ashes) (the addict was still on the run at that time), the addict was the Most Wanted Criminal in the Valley & they had his face plastered on TV.

He was caught 3 days ago in a *stolen* car (what a surprise). Tomorrow (in court) will be his 3rd arraignment this week! Oh yes, he's a *gem* of a meth addict. He *knows* the prison system. He was suppose to turn himself in last week to serve time for another robbery. He's 36 & talks about our home robbery in the *3rd person*. Oh yeah.....I know quite a bit about this scum of the earth.

I can not forget the pain of losing Onyx & then starting to go thru the grieving process when the addict *robbed* me of a normal grieving process. I have found out the Judge has already denied bail. I want him put away for a long, long time. He just finished robbing a 70 year old man while he was home. Knowing he'll be in prison soon helps me to move forward & work thru this anger. Once he is behind bars, I can finish grieving for my baby girl, Onyx.


Thank you again, my friends.

Blessings & love~




Posts: 251
Oh Pam,

I often think of you and wonder if they found your baby's ashes and the disgusting human who did this to you!!!

Firstly (I am writing whilst crying for you!) I am so relieved you will have your baby with you again. YOu will be whole again, and Onyx will finally be able to rest in peace.

But I am utterly disgusted that a person could take your baby and taste his ashes. Just unbelievably disgusting. (I am seething right now and want to say more but know I can't as it woule be censored and may offend!) Why are there people like that in the world and why do people stand up for them? There is no excuse!! I admire you for having the strength to face this perp in court, but understand you are doing it for your baby.

I am thinking of you and sending you a big cuddle.

I am so sorry.

Nuggetsmum Alana

Posts: 16
Hey Onyx's mom -
Maybe you can think of it this way.

A tiny trace of the powerful perfection that is Onyx entered into the guys' physical being and perhaps... maybe.... who knows... here is Onyx practicing making miracles in minutae. The only way big lasting changes seem to take.

hugs and strength to all of us

~Harrison's mom

Posts: 1,001
My Dearest Friend,
I just know you will have the strength to face this inhuman being that did this and you will get through it with the positive energy being sent to you by all of us here and you will be embraced with Love especially from your precious girl whose spirit will be right there with you.
I know how much all of what you went through is hurting and I wish I could take your pain away but knowing that you are loved by so many including me will help you through this terrible ordeal .
I am praying for you and sending you all my Love.


Posts: 1,014
Dear Sweet Pami,

You are in my thoughts and prayers, not just today as you go to court, but for as long as you need.  I'm sending healing energy and my strength, too, for this day will probably not be one you want to repeat ever again.

Know that, at any time today, you can close your eyes and feel the love and support we are all sending you. 

Bless you, and bless your Cloudy and Onyx - they will be there in the courtroom with you, even though unseen.  Look around, and I bet you will know where they are....



Posts: 1,040
Dear Pami,my prayers will be with you & Onyx also Cloudy,the only good place for this heathon is prison and I pray that God will give you a judge that will sow him away and he never gets to see day light,someone like him does not deserve another chance,looks to me he's had to many chances.Please keep us posted and I pray you will be okay once you see him and  the judge gets him put where he belongs.
Hang in there sweetie things will be getting better for you.many comfort hugs,for you and Onyx and Cloudy.
JoAnn Sammy Sus's Mom

Posts: 686
Dear Pami

You are in my thoughts as you go through one more part of this horrific ordeal.  I just can't understand how someone gets to this point-- no conscience, no remorse, no compassion, almost non-human.  I pray that this gets settled soon and he is locked away for a very long time.  I pray your Onyz is home soon.

Kate (Gus' mom)


Posts: 180
Dearest Pam,

I have not posted recently because I've just been too self absorbed in my own loss and grief.  But, I was so heartbroken to read what had happened while you and your husband were away.

Today, Friday, I saw your post from yesterday, and then your post from today.  I know how tremendously violated you feel because of what this moron did to you.  I don't blame you a bit. Scum like that should not be allowed to walk the face of this earth.

I was so happy to read that a kind man (detective) has located Onyx's ashes and her urn.  If he brought them to you, and let you hold them, he will take good care of them until they can be returned to you.

I know how horrible it is to think that the druggie tasted Onyx's ashes to see if they were drugs, but you are very fortunate because he could have, when he determined the ashes were not drugs, ripped the bag apart or thrown it into the garbage, or committed some additional, unthinkable act.  If this had happened, you may have never been able to get the ashes back. 

Thankfully, you will still have Onyx home with you in a short time.  I think this was a gift from God, to you, that the ashes were still mostly intact, and you are going to have possession of them again when this nightmare is over.

I am just so glad to hear that this idiot was caught, and you will have your baby home with you again.

Dakotah's Mom


Posts: 457
Dear Pami......What a roller coaster ride this has been for you...I'm so sorry you are having to go through all of this...I want you to know that I am thinking about you and hoping that you can begin the healing process that was taken away from you!!
God Bless you and the spirit of your beautiful Onyx.........Kelsey's Mom  (Ruth)        

Posts: 84


Thank you Katharine, Alana, Harrison's Mom, Jo, Barb, Jo Ann, Kate, Steffi & Ruth ~ Your kind thoughts & words of encouragement meant so very much to me. When I went to court on friday, to get a look at the thief, the arraignment had been moved to June 2nd.

It is very, very hard for me to look at this piece of breathing flesh as a *human*. He chose to do drugs the 1st time & continued to do so......& the same applies to his continual robbery's. These are the choices he made & he will have to pay for his mistakes. His acts were cruel & selfish ~ with no thought to our home or our possessions or our feelings or the pain & suffering he caused us. Taking my baby's precious ashes was the *cruelest* act of all. When I think of my beloved, Onyx......she had a heart & soul of pure love. She would NEVER have caused pain & suffering. Her soul just happened to be encased in *fur* instead of *flesh*. I have her baby picture in a frame right next to my computer. She reminds me that we are *victim's* & we have rights too. She gives me strength to follow thru with every court appearance & pages of paperwork that need to be done.

I will keep everyone posted on the progress of the court proceedings. I just want this to be over with & for my angel girl to come home. Her beautiful pink strained glass urn is waiting for her on the mantle.


From the bottom of my heart, thank you once again for your kindness & understanding. I don't know what I would of done without all of you.


Much love ~


Pami & her precious Onyx's spirit 


Posts: 1,015

Dear Pami –


I’m so proud of you. You’ve had to face so many hardships and heartache over the last couple of months, only to be hit with this awfully horrible, final injury to your heart. I’m always constantly amazed at the strength of our own spirits, most especially the group of people that visit this web site. I believe that our fur children are what provide us with this extra nudge to move forward – whatever the reason for that nudge; they are there to help us. Your beautiful Onyx has been with you this whole time, making sure you continue to do what she knows is such a hard task. She knows you do this out of your immense love and devotion, but she wouldn’t ask you to do it alone. She knows you have many other beloved fur children in your midst, but she’s also there with you, right by your side, as she always was during her time on this earth.


Know that all of us are with you as well Pami . . . stay strong, as I know you will.


Many hugs!


Rusty’s Mom – Allison.


Posts: 1,234

Many years ago, I was robbed in Toledo, Ohio and then my mothers home on Staten Island was burglarized and then vandalized. In each case, all of my jewelry and hers was stolen.

It is good that the perp was caught. The wheels of justice grind very slowly. Do not be surprised if the court case is continued again in June.

Meth is a horrible problem all over the country. Here is Montana I am on the Meth Task force and we have a long hard road ahead of us. Meth, upon one use is addictive and meth users destroy themselves upon the first use.

My heart and prayers go out to you. If you can and have the heart and soul and pictures of your stolen things, check pawn shops in your area yourself. The police sometime overlook the shops because they are burdened with just so many cases. Also look in the newspapers and see if there are any items for sale that match yours and notify your dective.

You can contact me directly if you so desire at or

I offer words of comfort to you and yours,

Meriam and the boyz

Posts: 328
Dear Pami, I hope that there is no limit on what will happen to this lower then dirt person. I know you have the strength to finish this through, and hope that the outcome is all it can be. There are a few of us Viet Nam vets, that wish we could "help" you and be sure that the punishment was swift and just. Now your furbaby is home again with you, and that is the important thing, and now you can begin to heal after this terrible thing that was done to you.
God speed to you and Onyx.

Posts: 5
What a horrible thing to have to endure!  I'm so sorry!

I hope you can have some compassion for this person who clearly has some serious problems. 

I'm so glad they were able to recover your baby's remains and that they will be able to return them.  Hang in there, be strong.



Posts: 1,205
Dear Pammi
Only got back this am.  So glad that they have caught the person who stole your babys ashes.  Please take comfort in the fact that your Onyx isnt there, but alive and well at the bridge.  I know that you feel that onyxs remains have been desecrated, and I know how much animosity that you must feel for him.  You are a loving and caring individual and it must have been so hard for you.  Please dont take this the wrong way, but, this guy is a very troubled human being, and what he has done to you, and others is totally unforgiveable.  Please find it in your heart to think why he did it, and what led him on to the path he is on, and then let it go.  I am thinking of you.  Bless you and your family.  Love, Di xxx
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