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Levi_MyLove

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Posts: 1
 #1 
I euthanized my sweet angel, the love of my life, this past Monday.  I am feeling guilt and regret that I may have done this too soon.  I just could not let him suffer anymore.  It was getting to the point where he was having difficulty standing, sitting, and was falling more.  I just can't help but feel I should have given the pain medications more time to take effect, if there is such a thing.  He was on gabapentin, tramadol, trazadone, and an NSAID.  I asked the vet if adding more pain killers would help him walk better, but all she could say is that it will make him more comfortable.  Did I make the wrong choice?  Would increasing the medication make him walk better?  Would he be the same on so many pain medications?  I know one pill would knock him out, but is that quality of life?  The night before he was in so much pain he could not move for over 12 hours and cried.  I killed me to see him like that.  All I could do is apologize to him.  I tried to get him emergency care, but no one was available.  I feel I made my decision based on emotion rather than more time.  I just couldn't stand the fact that he would suffer one more night for the trial and error of pain medications.  Obviously, I cannot change my decision.  I don't know if I will be able to live with my choice.  Has anyone else had to make that decision?
behrsmomdad

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Posts: 23
 #2 
there is a poem we posted on here a few days ago, its called the last battle , just scroll down to (a poem) behrsmomdad
ItWillTakeTime

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Posts: 43
 #3 
Yes. I did this five months ago. I raised my beloved K from a 12 week old puppy and he was with my 14 1/2 years. He was a 50 pound dog, so he was an old guy. He had been diagnosed with Cushing's and possibly degenerative myelopathy and he also had arthritis. He was on Galliprant, which did seem to help for a while. The vet wanted me to put him on Trilostane for the Cushing's but it gave him explosive diarrhea and it has a high rate of side effects, including hind end weakness, which he already had. In the end, we did a lot of slow motion walks until he didn't want to walk anymore. Didn't want to be in the yard anymore. Didn't want to play chase around the dining room table anymore. Had problems laying down. Had problems getting up. Had problems standing -- his legs would splay out from under him. He had always been a fastidious dog but now he was having "surprise poops" in the house because he could not squat enough to empty. All the fun things were gone. All the ordinary things were hard and painful.

And it was not going to get better.

I filmed him with my phone for about a week at the hardest moments. And I knew that quality of life was dubious if not already really sucking. And I put him down.

It was hands down the hardest thing I ever did. It's five months later and I am not over it.

And I had, and sometimes still have, huge guilt. Did I wait too long and make him suffer? Did I put him down too soon? Should we have looked for another vet? Should I have persisted with the Trilostane? And how could I kill my K, who I loved like my own child?

If you stay on this board a little while, you will see that guilt is part of this package, for everyone, regardless of the way their animal dies. It is because we love them so much, and are completely responsible for them; and yet, we are not in complete control of everything that happens and we do not have perfect knowledge. We can only do the best we can.

I am sure that you did the best you could and that you acted from love. Our dogs do not deserve to suffer.

Be gentle with yourself. This is really hard. It will take time.
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