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FlashLove

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Posts: 5
 #1 
Do you feel like it's unloyal or cold-hearted to get a new pet soon after one dies?  I have been mourning the loss of my dog who passed away last Thursday morning.  I decided that I do want to get another dog, and have been visiting adoption websites.  It really gives me hope to know I will find another pup to love and care for.....plus, I regret that there were possibly things I could have done to save my dog's life, and I feel like I want another chance to be a better pet owner.  To me, my family feels lonely without a dog in it.  I also suffer from depression, and I do feel a dog helps me somewhat.  

I had adopted the dog who just passed only a week after my previously adopted dog passed, and I never regretted it, or felt like I was being cold or unloving towards either dog for one moment.  I still loved my previous dog, and knew this new dog could never replace the old one.  I grew to love him just as much as the previous dog, and he was a great companion.

Well, despite my reasoning, and how strongly I feel, my husband, mother, and several extended family members have decided that it's too soon, and are acting as if I have no feelings.  For a person with no feelings, why do I cry so deeply as I do?  Why do I think of him often, and hold him so closely in my heavy heart?  I do not feel that getting a new dog would replace the old, or take him away, I just want a dog in my life again.

Do any of you pet owners understand me, or do I just have an odd way of dealing with doggy death?
SharG

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Posts: 535
 #2 
If you feel ready, then you are ready.

This is my 5th Christmas without Oscar, 6th without Felix. They were my special grey boys and I had them with me for 15 years. They came from the shelter very soon after my darling Suki went to the bridge.

And now, I have my lovely Sebastian who came home from the rescue exactly one week after Oscar left me. And I have Francis who I rescued from outdoors.

What I want to say is that there is always another special one looking for a home. Not a replacement for the one you've lost, just another special soul waiting for you.

No, you aren't dealing with this in any odd way. Some of us were meant to search out those wonderful companions who need us as much as we need them. Go find your new friend, it doesn't sound as if you would regret it.

Sharon
jakeyboy

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Posts: 14
 #3 
It's definitely not cold-hearted, and I'm sorry for your loss.

My beautiful boy, Jake, passed last Thursday afternoon and me and my family have started looking at adoption sites for kittens. I can only imagine it's a deeply personal choice for every pet owner; some want a new companion right away, some want to wait and some people decide not to get another, and all of those things are completely fine. It's a horrible thing, the loss of a loving companion and it's only normal to want that feeling back again. It's a nice feeling, to honour a lost pet by bringing another into your home and giving it love and quality of life.
 
Although no furry little companion can replace the last, they all manage to carve out their own precious places in our hearts, for us to cherish forever.
Tanker_1

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Posts: 67
 #4 
I am 54 and have had 5 dogs in my lifetime that I have gone out and gotten. There have been others, but they were my ex's or some waif that needed a home. 

What I am learning this time around is how much I no longer feel the dog before this one that I lost last week. For some reason that bothers me.

I do not remember the last time I felt ANYTHING for the dog I lost 16 years ago. Its like she has disappeared.  I look at a picture of her and I feel nothing. I do not like that. I do not know what that means. It makes me feel cold and callous. 

As my last girl was aging, I said that I did not want to get another dog, at least not right away. I want to ride horses again and I am afraid that working an 8 hour day and then barn time would not be fair to a dog. 

I am not sure what the answer is. All I THINK I know is that the new dog takes the pain away and makes me mostly forget the dog I just lost. 
FlashLove

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Posts: 5
 #5 
Thank you both, it feels so good to be so well understood and validated.  So beautifully written, I hope I can use your wisdom to help others around me better understand what I'm feeling and going through, and why I want to do this.

I'm sorry for your losses too.... 
Jeanniem

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Posts: 2
 #6 
I think it's individual. I remember as a child when or dog passed away my mom said no more dogs because it's too hard. Let's just say the next day they were at the local shelter.
Our lab passed on Monday and I'm definitely grieving. My husband wants another right away while I want to wait a little. Actually I don't want any more pets because it's just too hard to lose them, but I know that won't happen. My husband has been texting me all day with dog rescue stuff. I'm just not sure but I know when it feels right we will get another one, and asked our recently departed to send the new animal to us. Worked when I found her 5 days after our first lab passed.

It's not cold hearted and I believe they would want you to adopt another
champsmom

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Posts: 34
 #7 
I am so sorry for your loss.

I do not think it is cold hearted at all.  Actually, I believe, in a way it's a loving tribute to the pet you lost.  It's a way of telling him that you loved him so much and it was such a wonderful experience that you want to share again with another dog.

I've lost a few dogs and cats through the years and I still think of them often and I love them.  I cannot imagine my life or my home without pets.

There is no "right" amount of time to wait.  If you are ready to love another dog, then you are ready. 

Remember, it is not that you are replacing the dog you lost.  You are opening your heart to a new dog even though you are still mourning.

KeaElsa

Registered:
Posts: 113
 #8 
There is no right time to wait, it is up to you. 

When I lost my dog of just over 10 yrs old.  I got Icy when she was a puppy, and the night she pasted, I said that I didnt want another dog.  The very next day we brought Icy to the animal shelter to get cremated.  All I wanted to do was just to go in and just hear a dog bark again.  We ended up taking that dog home with us the very same day.  I had to have another one right away.  We were in the shelter for over 3 hours and by the time we were ready to leave, I was taking 2 dogs home.  Premse my new dog and Icy was already in the urn.  It felt a bit strange, but I knew that I had enough love in my heart for another dog.  We have had Premse now for one in a half yrs now.   I have never regretted at all that day in bringing another dog in so soon.  I have had 9 dogs and a few cats in my 60 plus yrs, think I will always have one.  I have loved all my dogs and cats in there own way, they were all different and required there own love.

Your heart will tell you when your ready to love again.  your in my prayers.
 


KEAELSA

THERE ARE NEVER ANY GOOD BYES, ONLY WELL WISHES, TIL WE SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN.
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sunspark

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Posts: 21
 #9 
Flashlove, 

I agree -- there is no right or wrong, only what you want to do and are ready to do.

I lost my first dog and then waited three years to get another. We did have a dog that whole time but I was not as attached to it, it was mostly a one person dog who was devoted to my husband. So we did have a dog in the house for that three years.

After that three years, we still had my husbands dog (for lack of a better term) but I got one I wanted -- and of course, loved him so much. When he died at age 11 1/2, my husband got another puppy of the same breed, he was in our house within a month. I did not feel that was right at the moment, but now I do. That is the dog who just passed away at age 13 1/2. His name was Peety.

Peety just passed about 2 weeks ago, and although when we first got him, I was grieving for my previous dog and didn't bond right away. But now I can freely say he was the most special beautiful soul and it feels like I loved him more than any other dog I ever had. And I really love all my dogs. 

I am crushed that he is gone - we currently have 2 other dogs in our household, I could not be without one. But they are old too -- we plan on getting another puppy the same breed as Peety, English Setter, within the year. Whenever there is one available, we will get one.... I will be grieving the loss of Peety for a long, long time. A new puppy won't affect that at all -- but also I think the best way to honor their lives is to get another dog and love them. And puppies do bring a lot of life and love to your home.
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