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Posts: 237
Gus (aka: Buggles) .......18 days.....our heart is broken......

God, it was supposed to be a fair trade
Surely, this isn't what you meant
One for one, you said
If I would give you my boy, my world,
You would leave me with my memories of him.

But, God, something has gone awry with our deal.
I gave you my boy as promised but you
left me with thousands of him here.
I see him everywhere.

I see him asleep on the edge of the rug resting his head on the cool floor
and he opens his eyes as I walk through the room.
I see him next to the chair in the living room as he listens to every bit
of our conversation.
I see him in the hall where he hid when the thunder roared on rainy days.
I see him in the bathroom laying next to the tub rubbing his neck on the
moulding and I see him sitting next to his bowl waiting for more....
I see him with his head under the recliner close that I
can't get up from the chair.....
There are thousands of him.
I see him everywhere.

Did I tell you that I see him in the bed with his head resting on my foot and
I see him as we rubbed our heads together during our quiet times?
I can see him on the sofa laying next to his Dad and I see
him looking me straight in the eye with his head tilted as I spoke quietly
to him.
I see him waiting impatiently for us to finish dinner so that he can eat....again.
And did I tell you that I see him pouting when we go out without
taking him with us?  Oh, that pouting face.....
Wasn't it supposed to be a one-for-one trade God?

I see him following me into the bedroom while I get dressed and following
me back into the living room a few minutes later.
And I saw him with his Dad in the garage earlier today when I came back from the
grocery - sticking his nose in my trunk to see what wonderful things I brought
home - we called it "food day" and it was one of his favorite days of the week.
I see him right outside the back door going to potty but then I see
him in the yard sticking his nose in everything.
I see him in the truck and I see him in the backseat of the car.
I see him playing "stick" in the yard and I see him stealing the
dishtowel or someone's sock.
I see him with his nose touching the countertop as I prepare dinner and
I see him with his nose pressed against the glass door as he impatiently
waits for us to open the door so that he can chase the deer in the yard.
God, something has gone awry with our deal for there are thousands
of him here.
He is everywhere.

This deal isn't working for me God for I can't handle a thousand of
him right now. 
The silence of so many of him is deafening.
And God, even though there are so many of him now, I can't smell
his scent....they one that I loved so much.  How can that be?
Thousands of him - all here at once - is not what I bargained for.

So please, God, tell me what to do with all of them.
Our deal has gone awry.
One-for-one, God, that's what you said but this wasn't a fair
Can you take all these thousands of him away and give me
my boy back?  My one Gus? 
The silence is deafening......
Our deal has gone awry.......


Posts: 148
Oh you're killing me. That made me cry again. All of that is what I am dreading. I already had an experience with going to get coffee today. I went for Starbucks which I do a lot and my dogs go with me. I didn't see my little guy spinning in front of the door waiting for me and he wasn't on my lap in the car. I cried the entire trip. This is going to be REALLY rough.

Posts: 1,400
I am so so sorry for your pain.  I know you shared a deep love with Gus and I know it does not seem fair.  We give our beloved pets all the love possible and they return even more.
It hurts tremendously to let them go.

The memories are wonderful and sad.  It is very natural to feel the way you do.  One day your pain will ease and you will remember all the wonderful times you spent together and smile.

My little sweetheart Meister left us on June 6, 2008 and the pain is still overwhelming.  There are still many tears and sometimes anger over having to lose such a sweet loving companion.  We are all here to express our feelings and try to help each other through these very hard times. 

I will pray for you and your beloved Gus.  Thank you for sending the beautiful picture.  I can see why is was very easy to love him.

Meisters Mom 

Posts: 104

     Gus looks so happy and content in the photo. That's because of you!When we lose our furbaby we see all of the things they did and the places they loved the best in the house and it makes us cry and miss them even more.Jingles, our 5 year old yorkie died Feb.9 and there's not a place in my apartment that I don't see him. He passed 6 weeks after my mom and for awhile I was so angry that God had taken him so soon after my mom, but he was sick.He suffered from a trachea condition and it eventually caught up with him. A day doesn't go by where I don't miss and think about him.I know he's happy at Rainbow Bridge and he was part of the welcoming committee for Gus.

  I will keep you in my prayers.   Jingles mom

Posts: 174
I am so sorry for your loss.  Your wonderful poem brought tears to my eyes.  There are no easy words that will make it less painful but keep coming to petloss because we know about loss and grief and hopefully you'll know that you are not alone and giving you a cybershoulder to cry on.

Rena (Daisy and Sherry's mom)

Posts: 613

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious Gus, and your tribute to him was just heartbreaking.  The early stages of mourning are terribly painful, and I can feel every ounce of your grief.   May the memories of your sweet boy eventually bring you comfort and peace.   Hugs from Houston, MsSavion


Posts: 143
What a beautiful, moving tribute to dear Gus.  

Posts: 1,205
That was so beautiful  You have put your feelings into words so eloquently. 

Your Gus is such a beautiful boy, and he loves you very much.  It is so unfair that they have to leave us before we are ready to let them go.  That time is NEVER.  May you find peace in your heart.  I am so sorry.  Di xxx

Posts: 237
Thanks to all of you for your beautiful words.  I'm trying hard to begin to help others with their pain but I guess that I'm still so grief-stricken by my own loss (19 days) that it's hard to do.  I admire all of you for your ability to be so comforting in light of your own loss and hope that I can help others in the weeks to come.


Posts: 5,100
I look in the eyes of your Gus and see all the love in the universe. 

My heart is breaking for you, but, at the same time, thinking just how blessed the two of you were to have found each other in this big old world.

Celebrate his life and just keep on loving him.  He is waiting for you and you will see him again. 

Sending hugs,
Betsy's forever mom

Posts: 65
Oh your boy sounds just like my Maddux. That is the most beautiful tribute I have ever read. I see my baby everywhere also. I fear that one day, I no longer will. Although it makes me sad to look in his favorite places, those are the things I never want to forget. Tonight, I didn't feel like cooking, so we got take-out. Of course, I couldn't eat all mine and normally, Maddux would eat my left-overs. It was sickening throwing it away. I put his food bowls up tonight. I groaned in agony. Maybe tomorrow, or the next day, I will conjure up the strength to put his doggie bed away. The hardest part of all will be washing the sheets on his bed. His tiny black hair is all over it. I think that may take me a while. God works in mysterious ways. The people here are angels. Together, we will all get through it.

Posts: 148
MadduxsMommy! My Saxon loved his baby bed so much I actually buried him in it with his toys and his blanket. Heartbreaking!!! I've planted all kinds of flowers over him. I hope they grow.

Posts: 763
I am so sorry for your loss of your darling Gus. He looks so content and loving in the picture, what a handsome boy! I am a little overwhelmed by your letter to your Gus, and my heart is broken for you. I can just feel your love and pain. I wish I could think of some magic words to comfort you, but I know there aren't any.
I am sure Gus loves his letter and is very proud of you for writing something so beautiful. Again I am so very sorry.
Donna, Mr. Meowgy's mom

Posts: 16
The tears are flowing now as I write, my baby passed three weeks from today. Your poem is so beautiful and heart wrenching, I feel as if you have replicated the feelings I have in your poem. It is amazing how many things your lovely baby did that mine did also. My Sadie used to be so scared of thunder storms, she used to get random socks or tissues, she had a young spirit to her and I can see that in your precious dog. I know your heart aches, the sad thing is that I don't know if that ache will ever go away. Every time I think of Sadie my heart stops almost and the tears flow and it becomes hard to breathe, this is what I think a broken heart is like. I hope you take comfort in the replies and I hope that my Sadie is up there playing with all of these lovely spirited animals now, this is the only comfort I find right now. Take care,Kathleen.
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