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Pet Loss Grief Support Message Board
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Posts: 1
Myself and my partner adopted two 10 year old rescue cats back in March 2017. Jess was the sweeter natured one, and whilst my partner secretly favourited the other kitty for her princess-like nature, Jess was totally my best friend for being super sweet but also pretty badass.

A few weeks ago she developed dermatitis and some odd behaviour that the vets thought was down to stress. Within a couple of weeks, she had started to become lethargic and wouldn't leave her favourite spots, and she was off her food. The vet ran some tests and found she was anaemic, and it was "non-regenerative" (her bone marrow was repressing production of red blood cells).

We were still awaiting some further tests on the back of the anaemia, but it may have been down to feline AIDS - the test came back as inconclusive, and they were going to run a new one. in this time, she got worse and worse, and we had to start trying to syringe feed her to get food on her, cos she lost a lot of weight incredibly quickly. Today, her breathing quickly deteriorated and she became incredibly weak. Unfortunately she could barely lift her head and couldn't walk. It was time to let her go. The only other option was a blood transfusion but she would need to live out her days in a hospital and it would be a short term fix to keep her alive, but would have had to eat through a tube and just lie there.

I feel horrible. I'm not usually that emotional but she was my best friend. I can't stop thinking about how I won't see her again. And I also hate that my last main memory was from this morning when I was syringe feeding her, with her staring into my eyes looking scared, her breathing super fast due to the stress. She calmed down after, as she always does after the syringe feed is done, but I hope her last real memory of me wasn't of that moment :(

We stayed with her when she slipped away at the vets. She was looking at us and I keep thinking about that moment. I'm lying awake in bed and I just want to feel better.

I miss you, Jess :(

Posts: 22
LSP, I am so sorry for your loss of sweet Jess.  She sounds like she was a wonderful cat and an important part of your family.  The loved you showed her over all these months is what you should focus on.  The end of an animal's life is almost always stressful, and syringe feeding is no fun for anyone involved (I have been there), but you were doing it because you knew she needed those nutrients to have a chance to survive.  Jess had many, many memories of you and she loved you too.
The pain you feel now is a reflection of how deeply you loved Jess and how close of a bond you had with her.  Focus on that love, friend.  Feel the grief, let it wash over you, embrace it not b/c you want to be sad but because you HAVE to right now.  Don't fight it.  The love you had, the relationship you formed, lives on now, inside of you.  You will be feel better eventually.
I am thinking of you tonight.  If you get a chance, tomorrow go for a long walk or do some exercise.  It can do you good, even if you are crying during a good portion of it.  Take good care of yourself, Jess would want that.
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