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Dayna

Registered:
Posts: 12
 #1 
Well, its been a few days since I had to put Bailey to sleep.  I've been picking fights with my husband and today when I had my blood pressure taken it had risen a lot.  The doc thinks its due to stress and grief.  She felt it was normal, and we should re-take it in a few weeks.

My husband and I are like peas and carrots, we've been together for almost 10 years with not one real fight.  We are best friends. I can't believe I am being mean to him.  I just feel so angry at everyone.  Angry that everyone does not seem to understand how I feel.

I know he is trying to help when he says "you gave him a long life" and "he didn't want to suffer".  I KNOW ALL THAT, I WANT MY DOG BACK.

I never realized how attached I was to him till he was gone.  I want to give him some more leftovers from the dinner table, take him for one more car ride, give him one more bath.

I guess there is no point to this message really, just venting.  I  miss him. A lot.
Loudpurring

Registered:
Posts: 774
 #2 

Go ahead and vent at us, to us, get it all out here. That is why we are all here and we all understand what you are going to. It sucks so much I know. The anger thing I have done to the point of createing so much chaos and grief that a guy i was with for 8 years had a heart attack and died at 37yrs old. See it can be so bad. but I can relate so well because you are so mad that you just don't even know what you want to do but whatever it is it will hurt whoever because you should not feel this pain alone. You aren't we are feeling it with you. Go for a long walk or a short drive to a park or do something, but get away from your family when you think you are being mean.Cry if you want do whatever it is you need to do, but don't hurt your family. It is not your husbands fault and all the stupid things he says that don't help, he doesn't know what to say to you anymore cause everything makes you mad. I am sorry and if I have read you wrong I am sorry too. Please post here often and get whatever out on here. It really does help. Read other posts you'll see your not alone.

Benniesmom

Registered:
Posts: 95
 #3 
Dayna, I know what you mean about one more car ride, one more hug, one more good night kiss. I lost my Bennie a week ago yesterday and just got back the ashes today. My world is so empty right now. My husband and I let go some balloons today in his favorite park. Sent them to heaven to him. Try it. It might help a little.

Oh, for just one more day. If only.

My sympathies are with you. Hang in there.

Gruntsmomforever

Registered:
Posts: 699
 #4 
Dear Dayna,

I hear you on the anger thing - I am still dealing with it after 3 months 3 days without my baby.  I think it lingers because I don't think I've vented enough, haven't let out my feelings enough.  My husband has tried too, like yours, now we just don't talk about our boy, which is terribly sad to me.  But I guess I am sparing him in a way because he just didn't know what to say to me anymore...to make me feel better, not understanding that nothing was going to make me feel better.  Now, I just come here and hope one day soon I can open up a little more and vent like you have.  We need to do that.

Sending you hugs and understanding,
Katharine, Grunt's Mom Forever
cheeseburgersmom

Registered:
Posts: 355
 #5 
Dear Dayna

First I would like to say how sorry I am on the loss of your precious dog Bailey. I too had to let my cat Cheeseburger go 1 month ago. I still feel pain, sadness, anger, doubt and guilt. I miss my baby cat so much.

I used to love to brush him, play "stringy" with him, and just have him near me. He was with me no matter what I was doing. I miss just stroking his soft white and black fur.

One thing that I am finding as a healing outlet is writing and posting messages here. And please know you have friends here who will listen, who care, and who understand. Vent all you want here.

I 've also been trying so hard to find comfort in the memories I have of Cheeseburger. He shared my life and my heart for 10 years and I am thankful for that. I know it would upset him to see my pain and tears; it would upset him when he was here too, but he always would try to comfort me. The love they give us is unconditional and the truest you will ever know.

I don't know if any of what I am writing is helping you; but I hope in some way it will. If you ever need to  write to me, I am including my e-mail at the end of this message.

I know how much you miss Bailey - but he knows how much you love him and did what was best for him.

Bless you sweet Bailey. I hope you find a friend in my Cheeseburger.

Dee
Cheeseburger's Mom
cheeseburger1997@yahoo.com



Dee + Cheeseburger = LOVE
MrMeowgy

Registered:
Posts: 763
 #6 

Dear Dayna, I am so sorry for the loss of your baby Bailey. I understand exactly how you feel. I lost my beloved Mr. Meowgy 4 days shy of 3 months ago and I have changed. I am nasty to everyone because they don't ask me how I am doing. They don't understand I am not doing too well and I am not over my boy's passing. I used to be nice to everyone, ask them how they are, listen to their self-absorbed chatter. No more. I don't care. Actually I don't care about much of anything. Someone asked me "what would make you happy?" I thought and from my heart answered "I want my cat back." So when I read where you say "I want my dog back" it really touched me. Your husband is trying. H doesn't realize just how much Bailey's passing has affected you. Besides, no words can help. Not really. I get a sick feeling every Thursday because Mr. M died on a Thursday. I get a sick feeling on Mondays because I attend the candle ceremony here at 10:00. I am obsessed with it.  Although it is so very sad it helps me because I am with so many others feeling the same grief and sorrow. It may help you. Continue to come to this site. Your sorrow over your darling Bailey is so new.  Hopefully in time your pain will ease up a bit, but I can't promise that it will.  I just wish I could turn back the clock. I wish you peace and comfort. Donna, Mr. Meowgy's mom

rupertsmum

Registered:
Posts: 820
 #7 
To Dayna

Anger is a normal part of grieving so let it go.  There are about five stages of grieving.  I read a great book "Coping with Pet Loss" by Robin Grey.  It helped me and made me cry a lot but that is therapeudic.  I still grieve my Rupert 18 weeks later and I think I always will. He took part of my heart and the guilt eats me up. I feel I killed my best friend after his 15 years of loyalty and love.  Give your self time and do something nice for yourself every day. 

Thoughts Ruperts Mum
Lucia

Registered:
Posts: 27
 #8 
Dear Dayna,

Yes, our health can be threatened by the loss of our dear pet.  We put our almost-15-year-old Rebel to sleep six weeks ago today.  Since the environment at the vet's office was so horrible, we have been consumed with horrible guilt because we didn't stop the procedure.  But, as Melissa has said, we were on "autopilot" and continued with what really had to happen.  Our Rebel was in very bad shape.  We loved him so much.  Three weeks ago I developed some shingles and I know it's from all the stress and grief.  However, the article entitled "Dealing With the Guilt" that is posted on this website has helped me.  I have two copies of it lying around the house and read the article when I feel the need.  Vent here as we all understand.  But try each day to do something positive for yourself.  Very gradually you will start to have some peace.  I promise

Lucia
kamc22

Registered:
Posts: 1,910
 #9 
My heart breaks for the loss that you have just now begun. 

For literally decades, people I know and myself have noticed in the obituaries so many couples where one leaves this world and the other follows only days or weeks later.   Johnny Cash died exactly 100 days after June.  Finally somebody did a study and discovered that surviving spouses are *twice* as likely to die within a year of losing their mate, than at any other time. All those people who said you could die of a broken heart were quite literally right.

As it turns out... and this is so hard for some of us to realize, the loss of a beloved furred one is **exactly** the same kind of loss, the same feelings, the same process, as for a beloved human. 

Loving a person as you are, you see yourself snarling at your partner and it makes no sense to you. Yes it is out of character, but you are in so much pain now, the world isn't like it used to be. 

Be as kind to yourself as you can, this agony will ease in time.  Everyone on this board is here for you.
Take care.... 
basil

Registered:
Posts: 1,205
 #10 
Dear Dayna
I too understand the anger thing.  My little Basil was very old and had been ill for 5 years.  I thought I was prepared to let him go, I had even planned how it was going to be, the vet coming to the house etc. 
Boy was I wrong.  I was totally obnoxious for 3 weeks to my darling partner.  I was either refusing to talk to him or trying to pick a fight.  I am lucky that he loves me as he does. 
I rescued another dog and that set me on the road to recovery.  Not right for everybody, I know, but I realised that I cannot function without a furry one at my side.
I have lost 5 cats and now 3 dogs, as well as family pets when young, so I thought I was so strong, but when I lost my Bas I was like a demented being.
I am so sorry Dayna.  Thinking of you, Much Love, Di xxx
alittlesad

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #11 
Its ok to be mad for a little while and everone needs to vent.  But, if you are blaming yourself, you shouldnt because if that is what happened that is what god planned to happen and you cannot change it.  God does everthing for a reason. Sometimes we cant figure those reasons out or we dislike those reasons, but that is the way life is.  My kitten just died and i am so very sad but i trust god with all my heart and know that that is what he wanted to happed.  You have my prayers.

                                                 MM
annclous

Registered:
Posts: 21
 #12 
So sorry to hear about your Bailey.  And yes, I think sometimes in our grief and sadness, we tend to take it out on those who are closest to us because, in very simple terms, we can - even though we shouldn't - and they are just trying to find the right words to make us feel better - and there are no "right" words. 

We lost our Sammy about 2 1/2 months ago - and I still am sad when I think of her and her last days. Time does heal - and the group here is very full of support for you -

As so many have said, come here as much as you need to and give yourself time to heal.  We've been there -

take care
(((((((((( Dayna))))))))))))))

From Ann - Sammy's Forever Mom
jocelyne

Registered:
Posts: 251
 #13 
maybe you can tell your husband how you feel? that could help you both...

take it easy. peace to you

efox

Registered:
Posts: 45
 #14 

Dayna - I am so sorry for your loss of Bailey. I too am feeling all this. today has been a terrible day for me 21 days since i buried my Savanna, my companion for 15+ years. i know what you are saying about affecting your health, i was so sick today i did not come in until after lunch. i too have high BP; people don't understand, if only my mom was here at least i would have someone in my family that did not think i was nuts. i have no children, my animals are my babies and i can't sleep at night without my savanna by me. of coarse my boyfriend understands but you know how guys are they hate to me around someone crying all the time. i just get so lonely and this site has helped me so much to know that there are others out there that hurt just as much or more than i do and the best part is they don't think i am crazy for loving my animals so much. i just want you to know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers. hang in there at least we all have each other. elaine

Georgeann

Registered:
Posts: 2,245
 #15 
Dear Dayna:
I am so sorry for your loss of Bailey.  I know exactly how you feel and understand your anger.  I too lashed out at everyone including my husband.  I was also angry at God and told him that many times.  Like you I Just Wanted My Baby Back.  Christopher has been gone for over 14 months; I still cry for him and miss him every day.  I look at his sweet little Picture and cannot believe that he is really gone.  Your grief is so new.  I was an absolute maniac at a few days.  I could not function at all.  In fact I could not function for months.  It does get easier, but the pain never goes away.   I know that I will cry for Christopher and miss him until I am with him again.  I know that he misses me too.  My petloss family saved my life.  They have been here for me all times of day and night and have never given up on me.  They all understand as they have walked in your shoes. We are all here when you need us. 

Big Hugs
Georgeann and Christopher
Forever
Dayna

Registered:
Posts: 12
 #16 
Thank you all so much for your replies.  They mean so much to me.

Today is my other dog's, Aurora's, birthday.  I am trying really hard to celebrate her LIFE rather than wallow in my other dogs death.

Today is difficult for a couple of reasons.  Her birthday, and my husband is out of town.  I feel so alone sometimes.  Bailey used to comfort me, he understood that I got lonely when my husband was gone.  Aurora just is not the same comfort.
LooseysMom

Registered:
Posts: 16
 #17 
Dayna,

So easy for me to say since I'm only on the verge of going through what you're experiencing... but I know that when my Loosey is physically gone she will still be with me spiritually.  We have a connection that I've never had with another pet.  I've had four Saint Bernards... but Loose is my kid, my bud, my soulmate... and she's only here for another day, maybe two.  I've been so consumed with grief that I've had to try to figure out how I'll go on without her.  And I do believe that she'll be with me in spirit for the rest of my days.  She'll still be my rock, my strength, my comfort.  She just won't have a physical presence.  It will transcend the physical. 

And your Bailey is still with you. I'm sure you still feel him. He's just not there physically.  He's looking over you and waiting for you.  Just close your eyes and feel him there with you.  His sould never leaves you.  He would want you to be happy knowing that his presence is still with you.  It's not easy but give it a try and I think you'll find comfort there.

When Loosey is gone I pray to God that the strength of her spirit stays with me.  As I look at her wracked body lying next to me... I am still certain so much goodness and love could never go away...

Much love,
Tanny
butterfly72

Registered:
Posts: 22
 #18 

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I lost my doggy Kato Monday.  He was 14 and died in his sleep.  I have been devestated for the most part, crying so much I have throbbing headache.  My husband was supportive, very supportive on Monday, then Tuesday, then by Wednesday, I can see that he can't understand why I keep crying.  Now four days later, I too am feeling very angry, very snappy, and can't bear to be around him or anyone else for that matter.  He keeps telling me Kato is in Heaven, and he was so sick and it was his time, etc.  I know, I know.  Ofcourse I don 't want him back so he can suffer, but I miss my baby so much.  I don't want to get over it, I want to sit and wallow in my grief right now.  I'm not ready to get over it, and I had to explain that to him today.(And probably not in the nicest tone :( )  I know he loves me and just wants me to feel better, but I was with that dog for 14 years, 4 more than my husband, and why does he think I should be able to move on from this loss in a mere 4 days?  He was my child! All I want to eat is ice cream, and I'm supposed to be on a diet.  I don't care about that anymore.  Things that were once important just don't seem important since the day my doggy died.  My friend has already tried to get me to adopt a new puppy, and ofcourse I will eventually, but all I want is Kato.  I want him, not any other pet.  I want MY BABY.  And the pain is unbearable, and I don't know how to move on.  I'm sorry I got rambling there, I just wanted to let you know how much I understand what you are feeling and going through.  Take care of yourself, I hope we both can find a way to heal.

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