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Mollys_Mum

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Posts: 7
 #1 
I’ve read so many posts here and some of them have helped and some of them have convinced me more that i made the wrong choice to have my Molly put to sleep this week. She was 13 and a half years old and had been well until a few weeks ago when she started to stop eating. She had cat flu so i took her to the vet to get antibiotics. She’s had cat flu before and hasn’t stopped eating. The vet said it could be kidney disease. He gave her an appetite stimulating injection and said it would work straight away but it didn’t. After 6 days of her not eating a single thing i made the choice to have her put to sleep. She had lost weight and felt like skin and bones to me, and she wasn’t moving around much, but she didn’t appear to be suffering. She had only been on the antis 4 days when i made the decision. I had seen pets suffer before and i was adamant i didn’t want her to go through that. When i called the vet they said i was doing the right thing, and at the time i felt i was. But now i feel like it was the wrong decision and i should have given her a few more days to see if she would recover. i’m frustrated at myself for making the decision and for the vet not telling me to wait. They told me that she was lucky to have lived to that age. Everyone is telling me i made the right choice, but i feel like the decision was selfish because i just couldn’t cope with watching her starve. I know i have to trust my instincts but i just can’t shake the feeling that i made the decision too soon. I’m trying to accept that truth but it’s destroying me. i have two kids, im a single mum and have MS. i can’t help but think i was just overwhelmed and rushed the decision.
grievingmom

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Posts: 640
 #2 
Oh wow Mollys_Mum. How true so much of what you said rings true for me. I use kind of dramatic terminology sometimes. "Horror" and "nightmare" are two of them...but when someone has been in your shoes (which I have) it truly is on some level a horror and nightmare to be under the belief that you were a party fo the death of your beloved pet..and for no good reason.

Yet when I read your post, included in is the reason you gave. You did not want to see her starve to death any longer.  I had tremendous guilt with the euthanasias I have been involved in and can and will not ever participate in one ever again. That is not a statement for others, it is a statement for me and me only. Having said that, I experienced tremendous guilt that some of the reasons I euthanized my pets was because "I" couldn't stand to see them in the condition they were in. It was taking a toll on "me". It became about me and not them.

But nestled in with that is truly concern for them. And it's fine and OK for us to include our own experience as a caregiver and mother when making decisions about the future of our pet children. It was OK that I considered that I personally could not watch my girls die from illness. The fact I couldn't watch them die from illness was a sign I loved and cared about them. If I didn't care about them, it would not have mattered if they were dying a slow death from illness or not.

Your decision was not "I am having my baby girl put to sleep because this is causing me too much angst". There was much more to it but to include that it was causing your angst is a normal part of the story.

I understand the torment you are living right now.

Please keep sharing and don't forget to use pet loss hotlines or any hotline when you can't stand to be alone with your thoughts.

I am so, so sorry you are going through this unbearable time.

Take care and God bless,
Stephanie
Grieivng Mom
Mollys_Mum

Registered:
Posts: 7
 #3 
Thanks for sharing this Stephanie. i appreciate your words so much. I’m trying to come to terms with my decision and trust that all those factors do make it ok. i’m sorry to hear you have experienced this also, but do take comfort in knowing im not alone. I agree i don’t think i can ever go through that process again unless i’m told it’s the absolute final resort. I chose not to put Molly through tests because i knew it would be too stressful for us both, and ultimately i would have made the same decision in the end. I do hope i can make peace with my decision...im trying so hard for the sake of my kids and everyone in my life...and also for myself. Thanks again for your kindness and support. xx
twinkiesmom

Registered:
Posts: 839
 #4 
Mollys_Mum, I am so sorry for your pain and sorrow. From experience I know how badly your loss of Molly is affecting you and the feelings you are having are perfectly normal. You did what was right for your baby. She was not eating and had lost weight and from what you wrote I believe she was suffering. I have a wonderful vet who believes as I do, it's better to let them go one day too early than one day too late. Three of my kitties had kidney disease. One of them crashed suddenly and I remember how badly she suffered before I could rush her to the vet. We all feel we could have done more for our babies but the truth is that sometimes it is not possible and the kindest thing we can do is release them from their suffering.

My little dog will be fourteen years old next month and has been under treatment the past eleven months for kidney disease. Her vets are amazed she is doing so well. At this moment I am waiting impatiently until I can call my vet because Piper has horrible diarrhea and needs to be seen immediately. I am facing the possibility that I may lose her today and seeing your post I felt I needed to reach out to you.

Please take care of yourself. We are here for you. Molly is at peace. I pray you will find solace in realizing you did what was best for her. God bless you.

Twinkiesmom
twinkiesmom

Registered:
Posts: 839
 #5 
Mollys_Mum, I am so sorry for your pain and sorrow. From experience I know how badly your loss of Molly is affecting you and the feelings you are having are perfectly normal. You did what was right for your baby. She was not eating and had lost weight and from what you wrote I believe she was suffering. I have a wonderful vet who believes as I do, it's better to let them go one day too early than one day too late. Three of my kitties had kidney disease. One of them crashed suddenly and I remember how badly she suffered before I could rush her to the vet. We all feel we could have done more for our babies but the truth is that sometimes it is not possible and the kindest thing we can do is release them from their suffering.

My little dog will be fourteen years old next month and has been under treatment the past eleven months for kidney disease. Her vets are amazed she is doing so well. At this moment I am waiting impatiently until I can call my vet because Piper has horrible diarrhea and needs to be seen immediately. I am facing the possibility that I may lose her today and seeing your post I felt I needed to reach out to you.

Please take care of yourself. We are here for you. Molly is at peace. I pray you will find solace in realizing you did what was best for her. God bless you.

Twinkiesmom
grievingmom

Registered:
Posts: 640
 #6 
Mollys_Mum,

You are welcome.

- Stephanie
Mollys_Mum

Registered:
Posts: 7
 #7 
Twinkiesmom, thank you. i still have so much doubt...but i keep trying to allow for the possibility that i made the right choice. I decided not to do further testing for Molly, so i didn’t know if she had kidney disease but everyone tells me it sounds like she did...or something very serious. i keep wondering if maybe she just needed a few more days to recover from the cat flu...but she did seem to have gotten better from that and still wasn’t eating anything. I know 6 days is a long time to completely refuse food and she likely was suffering even though she wasn’t showing it outwardly, but the doubt will always be there. I will keep working through it. i have learned lessons from this and would do things differently next time. I think not knowing for sure what was going on is the hardest thing. If i’d have known for sure she had kidney disease or something else that was ultimately fatal i’d feel more at peace with my decision.

im sorry to hear Piper is unwell and you may be facing some tough decisions yourself. I’m thinking of you and wishing you all the best. xx
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