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valerie213

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Posts: 1
 #1 
I lost my puppy last December and haven't been the same. The day he passed we spent the whole day together and while snuggling I was wondering to myself if he would live to see my wedding. Later that night when my parents came home they left the door open while bringing in groceries and he ran out and got hit by a car. My mom came in screaming with his dead body and tried giving him CPR. They took him to the animal hospital but there was nothing they could do. My parents brought him back home and the next morning they buried him in our backyard. The image of my mom holding his lifeless bodies haunts me to this day. I felt so guilty because if I had not put him out of my room earlier that night than he wouldn't have ran outside. I couldn't leave my bed and stop crying. It took me almost a month to go downstairs because I couldn't handle not seeing his things. I was in denial for the beginning and lived life pretending he was still alive. I never knew that I could be so affected by the loss of a pet. He was my first pet and I felt like he was my son/brother. Since that night life for me hasn't been the same. I haven't been as happy as I was last year. The grief got better with time but in April everything changed. My parents decided to "surprise" my brother and I with a new dog. I was on the deck reading a book when they brought the new dog out to meet me. I immediately started sobbing and ran to my room. I could hear my parents playing with the dog outside so I left my house and drove away. My friend came and picked me up from the park and in her car I couldn't stop crying and had a panic attack. I thought that from my parents seeing me react in such a negative way they would realize that I was not ready for a new dog. However when I came home not only did I see the new dog still there, my puppy's bed and food/water bowls were out for the new dog. I freaked out and brought my puppy's things in my room. Since that night my family life has changed. Now not a second goes by that I don't think about the death of my puppy. The new dog keeps bringing up memories of my puppy and it's so painful. I was barely holding everything together prior to the new dog but the new dog broke me. I've expressed how I feel to my parents multiple times. They are aware that I am still mourning my puppy and am not ready for a new dog. I can't get attached to another pet because I cannot handle the pain of anymore loss, I simply would not be able to take it. This has led to a horrible relationship with my parents. We barely talk and when we do it usually leads to a fight. In a huge fight one night I tried talking to my dad but he exploded and said that he doesn't want to hear me talk about anything and that he's sick of me. When I cry and try to express my feelings, they laugh. They think that I am being selfish and a brat. At this point I think my relationship with them is completely ruined. Yesterday was his 2nd birthday and I spent it at his grave talking to him. His loss affects me so much and I cry every single day. Every time I drive and I see roadkill I lose it because it reminds me of his death. No matter what I'm doing the image of his dead body will pop in my head. How do I move on and deal with me emotions in an effective way?
cosesmom

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Posts: 580
 #2 
I am so sorry that your pain is dividing your family. I to am sorry that  they can't understand your feelings. We pet lovers are different. Replacing a lost pet will never ease the pain. I am sure they thought they were doing something good bringing another pup home. I know in time you will love this new pup but he will never replace the one you lost. In time this new pup will ease your pain and find a piece of your heart that your loss didn't take with him. All you need is for your feelings to be validated. I wish your parents would try to see things from your side. Find someone to talk to that understands. We all here have experienced a loss and feel the same pain as you. My husband can't understand why I still cry and can't talk about Termy without tears and it's been almost nine moths. I too kept picturing his last day and I kept replaying it over and over again. My counselor recommended I let go of the negative thoughts and replace them with a good memory. It's hard but one day at a time and live in the moment as our babies taught us. Please give the new pup a chance, it didn't do anything wrong and it'll only want to give you unconditional love and maybe lick away your tears. Maybe it'll be the one you talk to that will understand and not judge you.
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