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krissy350p

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Posts: 1
 #1 
Hi everyone. I am relatively new to this forum. I was looking for a place to find some support and I am hoping I came to the right place.

Yesterday my husband and I had to make the hardest decision of our lives. We took our beloved cat Meeka to the local humane society and surrendered her. Meeka is a beautiful and loving almost 6 year old kitty. She is a diluted calico and has quite the personality. We have had Meeka since she was 2 months old and we adopted her from that humane society as well. In addition to Meeka, we had adopted another cat 6 years ago when she was 2 months old named Layla. Layla and Meeka became fast friends and spent 5 years together, cuddling, cleaning each other and playing with one another. My husband and I were college students when we first adopted the girls, so we moved often. In their lives, Meeka and Layla have moved a total of 4 times. Last year, my husband and I bought our first home and we moved once again. Within the first couple months, I could tell that Layla and Meeka's relationship was not the same. Layla was acting very territorial and preventing Meeka from coming upstairs. We remedied this by using the Feliway plugins and soon they were spending time in the same room together.
One night in May of 2017, my husband and I awoke to this awful sounds. We found Meeka in our living room, hunched behind our standing air conditioner and Layla standing not to far away from her. There was a circle of pee around the upstairs of the house and Meeka was hissing and yowling at Layla. From then on, Meeka and Layla were separated from each other. I tried many calming products and began doing extensive research on what had happened. I discovered that I would need to do a reintroduction for them and so I began the process. Months passed and things began getting better. The girls were able to sleep in the same room as each other and no one got hurt while we were away at work. Then, they got into a fight which resulted in fur flying everywhere and blood being drawn on their noses. From then on they were separated again, and Meeka was banished to our finished basement. We worked with our Vets to try medication on her and Layla. We tried two different medications with no success. Meeka began to attack my husband and I as well, because she was constantly in fear. We continued the reintroduction process, began flower essences, catified our home, had separate resources for both cats, continued medication, got all medical concerns taken care of (thinking they were the problem but they were not) and even worked with a behaviorist who was unable to help us besides suggesting homeopathy and acupuncture.
Finally on 5/25/18, I made the decision after one of the cat fights that Meeka really needed to go to a new home. My husband and I had discussed this extensively. To me, my cats are my children, and you do not give up on them. I was willing to do whatever I could to make things better. But at this point, I was tired, I was stressed, things were not getting better and Meeka was not getting the necessary attention and affection she deserved. We spent some time with her, but it was very limited due to being at work, and doing things around the house. She spent most of her days alone staring out the basement window. I felt that if she was in an only cat household with a kind family that understood she was special needs (due to a stage 2 heart murmur which she was being medicated for) that she would be ok. Previously, my husband and I had talked to those we trusted about taking her in, but no one would. We were out of options and the thought of having both cats and ourselves live another year like that was exhausting. So we spent one last night and morning with Meeka (we had switched her to upstairs which we did every other day with her so she could be around us), packed up her favorite toys, bed, medications, and food, and surrendered her to the local humane society we had adopted her from.

For the past 2 days, I have been completely torn. I cry every few hours, I am constantly wracked with guilt and grief (my husband is as well). I have what if's racing through my brain. What if they put her down because she is swatting at people because she is scared? What if she is not adopted? What if she is adopted and then they bring her back? What if she is terrified being locked in a cage and not knowing where her mommy and daddy are or when they are coming back? What if I had not given up and had given reintroduction more time like the behaviorist said it would take? What if I made the wrong decision?

Does anyone have any suggestions on the best way to handle this grief and guilt? Any hobbies that require a lot of focus so that my brain can not wander?

-Karissa

P.S. Sorry for the long post. I kinda just wanted to tell our story I guess...
georgesmom

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Posts: 22
 #2 
krissy350p, I am so sorry for what you are going through.  Any kind of loss is hard because Meeka is no longer with you.  Cats are very sensitive and Meeka may have just not adapted to the last move and didn't like the new home.  It's hard to say, but I am surprised the cat behaviorist was unable to help.  Wouldn't it be nice if we could all have Jackson Galaxy come to our homes to help with our pet problems?

My mom has a cat, Bella, that I "adopted" for her to keep her from being alone after my stepfather died.  Bella did not like other cats, so she and my mom have lived happily together, until one day a sickly stray kitten was at her door and my mom took him in and paid for his vet bills.  He had to have one eye removed due to an injury, and the vet's staff fell in love with him and said they would find him a good home.  But no, my mom decided she wanted to keep him and her other cat has hated him ever since.  It has been 4 years now, and she still has to keep them separated.   He is mixed with Egyptian mau and is way too active for her and Bella, my mom screams at him every time he starts climbing on shelves and tables.  That isn't really a fun thing for either of them, but my mom won't give him up now, she is too attached. 

I can completely understand you feeling sadness and grief over this.  It will take some time to get over the guilt, something many of us feel on this site for various different reasons.
Meeka will probably find a good home and be an only cat princess.   You gave her lots of love and she knows that. 
Take good care of yourselves, and Layla
Toni (georgesmom)
 

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