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diane772

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Posts: 237
 #1 
I lost my best friend 2 days ago. She was a basset hound and she was 15 years old. It happened so fast. It started with loose bowel so I took her to the vets and they put her on antibiotics. Then she lost her appetite so we went back to the vets and a different antibiotic.Then she stopped caring about all the things she loved, like her walks. This all happened in 2 weeks. I couldn't put her through anymore tests so the vet and I decided it was time. Now I can't stop crying and wondering if I gave up too soon. I don't know how to stop crying.
moonmoon

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Posts: 17
 #2 
Diane- you didnt give up too soon, you did what was best for your lovely girl. The vet agreed with the decision, so you had an objective medical expert who also believed this was the kindest thing to do for her. I think guilt and doubt is a natural part of the grieving process but what you did was because you loved her and didnt want her to suffer any more- it was a decision that considered her needs more than your own-who could ask for more love than that? I lost my girl, Phoebe (12 year old yorkie), 2 days ago aswell and I dont know if I will ever stop crying either. I'm just trying to take it one day at a time. I'm sorry for your loss.
diane772

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Posts: 237
 #3 
I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your kind words, it does help alittle. Everything reminds me of her, I want to go for a walk where we used to go but I am afraid it will hurt too much. I don't want to be home but I can't leave because when I come home she won't meet me at the door. Thank you again for your help, it is helpful to know someone else understands and I truly understand how you feel.
diane772

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Posts: 237
 #4 
I still can't stop crying. I miss my Brandy so much. I don't know how anyone learns to live without their best friend. I have to say being able to visit this site helps. Just knowing that there are people out there that understand my pain does help. Thank you for helping me
Mondo

Moderator
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Posts: 994
 #5 
It is very hard.  It takes a long time for some of  us to learn to live with it.

But you know, Brandy wants you to be happy. Remember the good times.

I believe we will see each other again.  Even though I'm not religious.  And I also believe that my boys live on in my heart, just like a piece of me is with them.

Hugs.

Tuffy, Toby, Ellie and Missy's Dad
Always__there

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Posts: 123
 #6 
Hello Diane,
The bond we have with Our pets is a strong attachment, no denying. Not just losing a pet but the unconditional love and companion. A lovely breed and 15y, remarkable !. Happier times in days gone by. Remember-- Absent from Our Lives--not Our Hearts.     Warmest of Wishes,          Sherry/xxPerryxx
diane772

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Posts: 237
 #7 
Thank you for your support and kind words. When I start feeling really terrible the words and thoughts I get from here help me get through those moments. I tell myself that it was the right thing to do but that gives me little comfort. Thank you all again, it helps so much to talk about how I feel.          Brandy's mom Diane
bonnellis

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Posts: 5
 #8 
Hi Diane, the same thing happened to my 15 year old Shih Tzu. The vet took an x-ray of oliver's abdomen because of vomiting and diarrhea and found tumors in his lungs and lymph nodes. He was not eating and was very lethargic. Because of this we knew it was time. I stayed with him through putting him to sleep. I cried and cried. It has been 2 weeks and I have such a hole in my heart and feel sick to my stomach. I'm so glad I found this sight. It is such a loss that we endure. My heart is with you. Much love and hugs ❤
diane772

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Posts: 237
 #9 
Bonnellis, you have my sympathies. I stayed with my Brandy when they put her to sleep. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I kept wanting to yell that I had changed my mind but I knew in my heart it was best for her. I would like to say it gets better but I don't see if it ever will. Today for some reason is the worst yet, I am feeling the loss really bad today. I pray that someday I will forgive myself and let the good memories come to the forefront. Remember Oliver loves you Diane
ajkiki

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Posts: 4
 #10 
i lost my 15 yr old shih tzu 4 days ago congestive heart failure...i know how u feel...talk to her and look for signs from her...songs...other animals wild included...anything unusual i had kids balls rolling into the yard everyday when my rat terrier died in apr 2017.So sorry for u
jessej1s89

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Posts: 27
 #11 

Diane, I am so incredibly sorry to hear about your loss! I too, lost my dog Braveheart yesterday morning (Saturday, March 3rd). I stayed with him while the vet put him to sleep, and I stayed with him when she administered that 2nd and final shot. I swear I felt his soul sweep across my face as he was carried upward by the angels to Heaven. 

I was not able to sleep last night, and I am not able to sleep tonight as the heartache is just so real, and is also just so unbearable. I really do not know how one can get through this. I know that everyone says time will heal and make things easier, but right now it seems as if it is going to be a long and hard journey. 

I took Braveheart home with me from the vet to give him a personal burial in my backyard, and I think that was the hardest thing I have ever done. I also clipped a piece of his fur from his ear, and put it into a locket, along with a clip of his bandana he wore, and I now wear it around my neck for comfort. I love and miss him so much, and I know that you love and miss your basset hound so much as well. 
I know that you and I do not know each other, but just know this; you are not alone tonight. You are not going to be alone tomorrow, or the days after. I will be with you in spirit, suffering the same profound sadness and heartache that I know you are experiencing right now. We are in this together. I will think of you tonight, I will think of Braveheart, and your basset hound, and all of the other people who are hurting right now. God bless you, my friend. I understand. 

diane772

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Posts: 237
 #12 
Jesse, I am very sorry for your loss. I wish I had kept a lock of Brandy's hair but I didn't think of it. So many things were going through my mind at that time. I do have her ashes here so I can talk to her. I know she is still hearing me and understanding. People do say it gets easier with time but I don't believe them. It seems like I have no purpose now. I am retired so my day was filled with Brandy. We would go for walks or go out in the backyard and just hang out. She would follow me around the house and watch me. When I came home she would greet me at the door and looking so happy to see me. I would like to thank you for reaching out to me, it helps so much. I feel so bad for you because I know what you are going through. Please write whenever you want, it does help to voice your sorrows. My prayers go out to you and Braveheart. Take care    Diane
ourbrandy

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Posts: 1,010
 #13 
Dear Diane:

I am so sorry for the loss of your Brandy girl.  I feel like a kindred spirit, because you see we had a Brandy too.  She was a little buff colored cockapoo and the light of our lives.  She has been gone over 4 years now but it still hurts a lot.

When a pet is such a big part of your life there is a huge hole in your heart when they are gone.  I know exactly how you feel.  I am retired too and Brandy filled up the days for 17 years.

We did adopt a senior cocker spaniel to honor Brandy's memory.  We thought we would have her for longer than we did.  It was only 4 years and we had to say goodbye to our Miriam last November.

What helped me the most was coming here to this website for the comfort and compassion that only those who have lost a beloved pet can give.

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers....

Barb
Angel Brandy's mom
Angel Miriam's mom
And now foster mom to Clarissa
diane772

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Posts: 237
 #14 
Dear Barb, Thank you for your kind words. I do agree about this site, I don't know how I would have gotten through this without all these wonderful people. I am very sorry for your losses and I hope someday I will get to that point of adopting another dog. Maybe then I can stop crying and learn to laugh again. Until that day I will have my memories. I am wishing you happiness with Clarissa. Diane
Mondo

Moderator
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Posts: 994
 #15 
Hi Diane, your words made me smile.

"Maybe then I can stop crying and learn to laugh again."

Or both.  This was my experience.  I was still grieving Tuffy (he was my heart dog), then 11 months later Toby passed, which hurt deeply but brought back memories of Tuffy as well, and now both of "the Boys" were gone.  2 months later we adopted the girls at my wife's insistence/need.  

I was crying and laughing for a few months.  It was a strange time.  Mixed emotions.

They helped me heal and I am sure the boys had their paws in it.

Hugs!

diane772

Registered:
Posts: 237
 #16 
Dear Mondo, Thank you for your kind words. I know Brandy would support another dog in my life but I need to heal before I can open my heart again. I don't know if I will ever heal but I am trying. Your support and kind words do help. Thank you again. Diane
jahmers

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Posts: 9
 #17 
I have been talking on here about getting another dog.  I thought it was a good idea and that it would fill a void inside of me.  I didn't realize until today that I  don't know if I am ready.  As the seasons change so many memories and longing for those times back.  I can't quit crying tonight.  It hurts soooo bad as you all know.  I don't want "another" dog, I want my baby back.  I have never felt grief like this before.  I am so confused about what to do now.  Nothing feels right anymore.  I have been functioning in my life for the most part.  I used to get so excited to come home.  I used to love the warmer weather so  could take her for walks in her doggy stroller.  Everything was so much better with her by my side.   Everything that I used to look forward to I now dread.  I have never had grief that stays this intense for so long without letting up.  I want my baby girl back sooo bad.  :(

diane772

Registered:
Posts: 237
 #18 
Dear Jahmers, I do understand how you feel. Part of you wants someone to love and to love you. You want someone to greet you at the door so happy to see you like you have been gone for days. You want someone to tell all your secrets to and know they will never be repeated. I miss so much about Brandy and don't believe I will ever have that again. I have found talking about it here does help so keep talking. You are in my prayers    Diane
jahmers

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Posts: 9
 #19 
Thank you Diane. I am sitting in front of Petsmart right now where they have dogs from Shelter From The Storm inside. They do this every Saturday. I am so confused!One minute I want to dog because you’re right I do want someone to be there when I come home and to love. I want to share my life with someone and snuggle and play. The next minute I have a gut wrenching pain and don’t know how I could ever bring another dog into my home. I’m like a ball in a pinball machine bouncing around and being pushed every which way and can’t figure out how to find a quiet place where maybe I can find answers to what it is I really want. It is so hard being home because the void is right in front of my face every minute. I am so lonely and quiet is deafening. Would anyone want to talk about their pets? Kind of like introducing us to your sweet baby and sharing the love with us. I would love to tell you about my little Diva and some of our life together. I would love to hear about your pets! Obviously if it’s something that you can and want to do. My heart is aching with you all.
bonnellis

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #20 
Oh jahmers.... I feel your pain. I lost my baby Oliver 2 weeks ago and I miss him terribly. It's especially hard when I see people walking their dogs or playing ball. The hardest thing is when I come and he is not there. I go back and forth also about getting another dog... I really think it is too soon. I think I would expect a new pet to be just like Oliver so I am not going to get one right now. I'm going to go through my grief, however long it takes, and then decide. My heart is with you. This is the worst thing I have ever had to deal with. I think your idea about sharing our memories and stories is good. Hugs ❤
Stan1976

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Posts: 3
 #21 
My family and I just lost our girl cat named Biscuit, who would have turned 20 in May. I could not be there because I was at work. I knew what had happened when my mom came to my

workplace and could tell by the look on her face. Our baby Biscuit had been losing weight and was eating a powder form of medicine to help with her kidney levels. When my mom took

her to the vet yesterday, they told her she was constipated and had to give her an enema. She also had arthritis. The vet was hopeful that we could have her with us for a little longer,

but shortly before my mom came to pick her up, Biscuit's blood pressure spiked and caused her to go blind in one eye and ultimately had to be put to sleep. We are devastated, as we

had a boy cat named Ping who left us in August of 2014 from almost the same thing. My mom and I took him to the vet at 2 in the morning knowing we had to put him to sleep. It tore

our hearts so bad as we saw him fall asleep. I broke down a little at work yesterday, but I have not broke down badly yet. I am afraid that it will truly hit me soon. Biscuit would snuggle

and almost burrow herself against our legs. She would let out a loud yowling meow letting us know she wanted one of us to sit down so she could cuddle and curl up next to us. She

loved being given the hug rub, which is where I would rub her side and belly while rubbing her chest and hugging her at the same time while she leaned against my side. I know our

beloved family members are in heaven, but it hurts so much. I will light a candle each Monday for our lost furry babies.
diane772

Registered:
Posts: 237
 #22 
Stan, I am so sorry for your loss. I would say you had 19 years of joy with Biscuit but that doesn't do much for how you are feeling now. But remember you did have those years. She was ready to go and your mother did the most loving thing for Biscuit she could do. I know Brandy is still with me just as Biscuit and Ping are with you. I will miss Brandy every day of my life until I am with her again. Diane
diane772

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Posts: 237
 #23 
Dear Jahmers, I would love to hear about your baby. My Brandy was a clown and such a sweet dog. She never did anything wrong, I was very lucky. The only problem I ever had with her was she was a hound and would follow her nose anywhere which got us in some difficult places lol. She couldn't swim being a basset with short legs  but she kept trying. She could always make me laugh and she was always ready for snuggling. I miss her so much but it does help remembering the happy times. Diane
Stan1976

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Posts: 3
 #24 
Thank you Diane for your words and reply. I will be lighting a candle on Monday for our recent and past losses. I will probably break down then, as I was afraid it would hit me hard after I came home from work last night. As I am writing this, our 5 year old girl named Maybe is curled up against my side. Since this is my first time using this website and doing the candle ceremony, if I feel like I need to talk with fellow pet lovers, can I use the chat room anytime? Again I say thank you🙂
diane772

Registered:
Posts: 237
 #25 
Dear Stan, Of course you can send me a message anytime, it does help. My prayers are with you when you light your candle. We all do what we can to cope with our losses. Take care Diane
CharlieAbbey

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Posts: 2
 #26 
You can remove their toys, put away their bowls, collar and leash but you can’t put away the grief and saddnes that remains. How long does it linger, I don’t know. Our little 16 yr old Jack Russell passed in 12 hours. I feel so guilty that I didn’t stop his suffering by taking him to a 24 hr Vet. Now going into our backyard is difficult, taking his walk and seeing his favorite spots for tricks. Listening to other pet owners feelings and letting their sympathy into your psyche, helps. Be gentle to yourself and wish for our recovery.
jahmers

Registered:
Posts: 9
 #27 

A little insight to my perfect little Diva.
She was a very sweet girl.  The vet would go gaga over her like everybody would.  One of her favorite things in the world was to ride in shopping carts.  I registered her as a support dog so she was allowed in every establishment and could not be denied b//c it is actually against the law to refuse entry to a registered animal.  I love love loved to take her shopping.  I think her favorite adventure was going to Target.  I would put her blanket in the baby seat of the cart and she would snuggle back into it and get comfortable and ready for the ride.  She was adorable!  She would sit there and look around and was so happy.  Every once in awhile she would look back at me to make sure I was still there.  Of course she got lots and lots of pets and told how cute she was.  It took me about 6 weeks before I was able to shop with a cart.  I have a sliding glass door and used to sit or lay by it and she was in doggy heaven on earth.  She had gotten so used to the squirrels and they to her.  It was so cute b/c they would come right up to the door and sit about 8 inches from her and neither of them would acknowledge each other..  They would see each other but it did not scare the squirrels and Diva was so used to them that she would not bark at them but just look at them as if they were another outside thing to look at.  Every single thing about her was perfect and I told her that all of the time.  If someone asked about her I would say she is perfect.  She had no bad behaviors ....seriously.... and was nothing  but a joy. I miss her terribly.  Gut wrenching hurt.   She was my bff and still is.  I look forward to meeting your pets from your eyes and all of the things that you loved about them, their personalitits, funny stories, cuteness  and anything else you want to share.  I hope that spending even a few minutes going back and reliving the specialness and sharing  why you are a proud mama/papa  will bring a moment of peace and hopefully a lot of smiles as you introduce them to us.    I always thank God for allowing me and trusting me to be her mama.  I am very blessed to have found her and to have her my family.  I look forward to meeting your special angels!

diane772

Registered:
Posts: 237
 #28 
Dear Charlie, you can put all their stuff away but you are right, it doesn't help. The only thing that has helped me is being here. It is so sad that everything reminds you of your best friend. I was shoveling snow the other day and I missed Brandy so much because she would always go out with me. I would talk to her and she would act like a clown in the snow which always made me laugh. It made the shoveling go so much easier. I am so sorry for your loss, please let the guilt go. I know it is hard but try. You are in my thoughts and prayers for your recovery. Diane
diane772

Registered:
Posts: 237
 #29 
Dear Jahmers, sounds like you very lucky as I feel I was. Your story brought a smile to me and for that I say Thank you. I don't smile alot anymore so I enjoy the chances I get to smile. I find myself remembering more of the special times, I still cry alot but some are happy tears. I understand your hurt because I feel the same way. It is incredible pain. It has been almost 1 month and the pain is like it happened yesterday. Thank you again
jahmers

Registered:
Posts: 9
 #30 
Dear Diane, I’m so glad that your memories could bring a smile to your face. I also don’t have very many smiles these days. I am having a big struggle right now and I could really use your advice. I have been approved to adopt a little dog. She is so adorable and I know I will love her and enjoy her. I am scheduled to pick her up Friday night. I I am having feelings that I did not expect. It’s making me miss my baby girl even more. I don’t know if this is normal or not. It makes sense to me that this would happen because it is a smack in the face that I will never ever get to see her again. My new dog is exactly what I want in a dog. I really am excited to get her. It will just be different to seeing another dog on her couch, running around on the floor, and sleeping in my bedroom with me. I don’t know if this is normal or if it means I’m not ready for another dog yet. I am so confused right now I don’t know what These feelings mean.
I have noticed in the past Several weeks that every Monday night I have a meltdown on my way home from work and I cry and cry and cry. I need someone to tell me that it won’t always hurt so bad. I have never hurt like this my entire life. I would give anything to hold her again. 😭
diane772

Registered:
Posts: 237
 #31 
Dear Jahmers, In my opinion you are ready. You have taken the extra steps to find another best friend. No I didn't say a new best friend because Diva will always be a best friend. I have longed for that to happen to me but it has not happened to me and I don't know that it ever will. I am so happy for you. so many pets need a good loving home and you will give some blessed baby a wonderful home. I have looked at available dogs but I have not found one that touches me. You are so lucky. Share your love and home with a new baby. Diva would approve. Animals do not hold grudges. Just remember you always hold Diva in your heart and in your memories. I know it is not the same as touching her or feeling her warmth. Remember this new baby will give you smiles and love which is what we all need. So I think you should take this new little girl and love every minute you have with her. Good luck and let me know how it goes. Always my prayers go with you. Diane
diane772

Registered:
Posts: 237
 #32 
I am having a very bad day, missing Brandy more if that is possible. I just wanted to say Thank you to all the people here. It helps so much to read your posts and then I feel free to feel the way I do. I don't have to put on a happy face and pretend everything is good. When I come here the tears can flow freely and I can feel the pain. I often wonder if things will ever get better. Yesterday I met up with some people that I hadn't seen in awhile they all loved Brandy very much. Brandy had a way of making everyone smile and love her. They asked about her and I had to tell them that she was gone. I couldn't even get through the conversation, I just broke down crying. I wish the hurting would ease up alittle. Diane
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