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Pet Loss Grief Support Message Board
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Posts: 22
I am absolutely broken-hearted over my beloved dog’s passing yesterday. He was so amazing and I’m struggling to adjust to life without my special boy. I’m struggling with immense grief. I know my husband also loved him dearly and is grieving but his grieving process is different from my own. I’m crying all the time, not able to do much and need to talk about my feelings. My husband is coping by keeping busy and keeping his feelings more to himself. Neither grieving process is right or wrong but I wish we could share more of the pain of our loss together. Has anyone found that they’ve grieved differently from their spouse or partner and how have you coped with this?

Posts: 10
GoldenMom, I am so sorry...I think that grief is an individual process. I lived alone with my beloved "Brandy" and she was my world. The times that I am able to distract my gets me through it but every weekly anniversary..I break down just thinking of the weeks that I have not seen or held my is so hard but I think it's feel the are not alone. It is a kindness..the most loving end a love's suffering..and in our hearts..we know..we know..when that time please try to see the kindness in ending his suffering...sending hugs to you.

Posts: 22
Thank you Brandy_Mommy18 for your reply. I appreciate it very much. I am so sorry for the loss of your Brandy. Grief is so hard. I feel emotionally drained. It’s difficult to think of the days ahead without my boy. I know I have to put one foot in front of the other and keep going but navigating these early days is challenging.

Posts: 32
Hi Golden Mom I’m so sorry for the loss of your beloved dog. I can totally relate to your experience of grieving different to your husband. I came to this site following the loss of our pet rabbit who meant so much to myself and my partner and we have dealt with things very different which has been tough for me. She was ill for a month and we argued over what to do and although we were both devastated by her passing I think he’s coped better. I have a lot of guilt and have gone over things again and again in my head but my partners view is that things can’t be changed. I found it harder to talk to him initially because of this but I’m 2 months in now and am at a better place in my grief and in being able to support each other. I really struggled with this the few weeks. You are so true in your words that we grieve different and neither process is right or wrong. Grief is awful and we just want our babies back. Just take it one day at a time and be kind to yourself. It will get easier eventually. I’m thinking of you at this really difficult time.

Posts: 639
Your husband's style of grieving is preventing him from feeling the pain. It's called a coping mechanism. Whether he knows it or not, he is fearful of feeling the depth of sorrow that is underneath his busy exterior. One common fear is "I won't be able to handle it". And people really mean that. They beleive on some level they will faint, pass out or or even 'go crazy' if they feel what they are hiding. If you asked such a person if this is what is going on, they will deny it because they are not aware of it themselves. Denying pain by acting busy and as though life is just another day is a way to avoid the pain. So he is grieving. He is grieving for sure. 

You are on the other hand are openly feeling the pain and when you are in pain you need comfort. And you aren't getting the comfort. This is common among married people and the one needs and wants the comfort becomes resentful because it isn't forthcoming. And that is compltely natural. When my pets died I did not have support from people I anticipated I would have it from. On top of the pain of pet loss, I was angry and sad that my losses were  being ignored and dismissed.

You have to start reaching out to others besides your husband because he is an empty vessel when it comes to your pain of pet loss. I found comfort in calling pet loss hotlines. They are free. And you can call as often as you need to. This page has a list of some of them.

Good luck as you move forward. In time your pain will ease but not for a while.

Posts: 22
Thank you everyone for your replies. I am very fortunate to have your support. My husband is feeling our loss very deeply and after I first posted he shared with me how grieved he is. His keeping busy doesn’t mean he loved our boy any less than me or isn’t sad, it’s his way of coping with his pain. It was healing to express our sorrow to each other. I know we’ll continue to grieve differently but I’ll be there for him however he needs my support and he’ll be there for me. Thank you again everyone. Your comfort and support is deeply appreciated.
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