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Mommy2Gracie

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #1 
Hello,

I am new to this message board.

My sweet little dog, Gracie died on 1/30/2020.
She had a ruptured spleen and had surgery and was doing well, but suddenly had complications a few hours later after surgery and died at the animal hospital.

I could not get there in time to be with her so she had already passed away when I 
arrived at the vet. I feel so guilty that I was not there and she may have wondered 
where her Mommy was and felt so alone. I did not get to say goodbye or kiss her that morning because she was rushed in to the ER. I feel so bad that perhaps she felt abandoned by me and was confused.

I loved her so much. She and I have been each other's family for the past 12 years and I do not know if I can go on without her.  I am a widow with no children and she was my life.
I can't stop crying. I can't bear to see her little toys,clothes, food dish.  All I see in my mind is her sweet face, beautiful eyes, soft white fur.

I wake up and expect to see her at the foot of my bed.  I can't sleep and the house is
stone silent. No clicking of dog paws around, no snuggles and kisses to wake up to.
No going outside to potty.

She and I both have had a rough couple of years. I have some medical issues and have
had to leave her alone often while I was gone for tests or doctor visits. She had a lot
of medical issues but had been a real little trooper and was doing better with things like IBD, allergies,etc. I was hopeful that she would live a lot longer. Her birthday is February 16th
she would be 12, I had prayed she would live to have her birthday celebration.

She was on a lot of medication and had to have injections and never fought or complained when she had medical tests, shots, etc. She was so good. The vets and groomers always
commented on how good-natured and sweet she was.

The past few years with she and I getting "old" we did not get to do a lot of the things we used to do. I felt so guilty that she was stuck with this old lady and needed someone younger who could give her a happy life, but no one could have loved her more. I gave her the best medical care, food, attention (or so I thought).

I feel that I was not attentive enough a day or two before she died because sometimes she would seem a little tired and not have energy, but would bounce back the next day. I so wish I could have seen this coming, but I couldn't. She just woke up Thursday morning and did not want to go out and was shaking almost seizure-like, so I rushed to the vet about
7:30am, had surgery a couple of hours later and the vet called to tell me she was resting comfortably, but two hours later called to say she was "crashing" and I needed to get there
as soon as possible.

I am crying so hard I can barely write and hope I have not rambled on too long, I just
feel so empty and do not know how to cope.

Thank you for listening,
Gracie's Mom







Grechens

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #2 
I’m
So sorry and send you hugs you sound like you were the best mom to Gracie.
CarlDD

Registered:
Posts: 21
 #3 
Hello Gracie’s mum

I’m sorry for your loss and I suppose a little worried that one day it’ll be me telling a similar tale.
Our Lucky is a seven year old Bichon Frise, he’s been with us for 18 months and now he an I are nearly inseparable.
We have three yard dogs and a cat who is nearly 19 and whilst they are all fine creatures the bond I have with lucky is something special and I don’t know what I’ll do when he goes and kind of hope I go first but then he’ll wonder why I left him.

You did your best and I’m sure Gracie knew your feelings for her.

My best regards
Carl

Mommy2Gracie

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #4 
Thank you for your kind words.
I know I am not alone with my feelings,
but it will take some time heal.
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