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angelremera

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Posts: 1
 #1 
There was a stray cat who would pop into my house ever so often- her name was Pumpkin. I considered her to be family. She sometimes disappears for a few days before reappearing, so when she disappeared that week I trusted that she would come back.

I have no idea what happened to her- the vet said that it might have been because she fell from a high floor and was dehydrated. I couldn't bear to see her go- at the time I thought it would be better if I didn't see her body. I regret it- she died with her eyes open, and I wonder if it was because she was waiting to see me.

If I had searched for her earlier, maybe this wouldn't have happened. Now, I'm left with the grief and the guilt. I'll never know how she got died, and if she really was waiting to see me. I blame myself, but I know I have to move on, I just don't know where to start or how seek forgiveness from her who's not even here anymore.
twinkiesmom

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Posts: 839
 #2 
I am so sorry for your loss of Pumpkin. Of all the people to choose from she chose you for her family. Please do not blame yourself, stray kitties often will come for visits but do not want to be confined. My Inky was like that, i loved him with all my heart but he would not let me bring him inside to live. You did everything you could, feeding her, loving her but outdoor kitties are prone to wander. When cats and dogs die their eyes are open, that is natural. I know this is hard on you and you are thinking you could have done more for her but you did the most important thing. You loved her and so many animals are never blessed to have that. I know this is one of the most difficult things we ever go through and your sadness is overwhelming but I promise you there will come a time your tears will lessen and you will be able to think of Pumpkin and smile at all your good, loving times together. There is no reason to seek forgiveness, the little creatures that come into our lives love us unconditionally, she would not want you to blame yourself, she would want you to remember the love you share.
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