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cbergamin

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Posts: 22
 #1 
I'm writing because I need to get a few things off my chest in relation to my baby boy Luigi. It has been 4 weeks and 4 days and I am consumed with guilt. I am worried that some of you may reply telling me it was my fault becasue in fact I think it was. Luigi broke his leg 3 times in 3 years and had a luxating patella which he had to have operated on and took him over 4 months to recover. I understand that the luxating patella was not my fault but in reality the leg breaks were. He broke his leg for the first time on day 2 of bringing him home. I let him jump off my couch, very low set and I honestly thought he would be fine, but he wasn't and snapped his poor little leg. I should have researched Italian Greyhounds a lot more before bringing Luigi home. I knew that they were fragile and prone to leg breaks but I guess I just didn't realise how easy it was for them to break their legs. Of course I had his leg fixed and he bounced back like nothing had happened but then 8 months later he was in the park and collided with a child and it happened again, same leg. Why did I take him to the park? We had the leg fixed but said that we would have to consider putting him to sleep if it happened again as he couldn't go through life constantly in recovery, it wasn't fair on him. To be honest I thought it would never happen again because I was so careful. Everyone use to tell me to stop warpping him in cotton wool but clearly I did not wrap him tight enough. The following year he had the operation for the luxating patella. The recovery for this was actually far worse than the 2 breaks. A year and a bit went by and then it happened again, same leg. Tumbled down the stairs of our deck. Why did I buy a house with stairs? Or why didn't I put a baby gate at the top of the stairs so that he couldn't go down? The night keeps playing over and over again in my head. I keep hearing his screams and then see him at the bottom of the stairs with his leg so broken that the sight made me vomit. I was told that he would need at least two operations. Everyone said that the most humane thing to do was to put him to sleep as there was a very high risk it would happen again and the thought of it happening when I wasn't home made me sick. I was suppose to look after him and protect him and he had 3 leg breaks and a knee operation in 3 and half years. I let him down.There is nothing more that I can say other than I am so sorry and I will never forgive myself.
BuddysMomNC

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Posts: 29
 #2 
This is what I posted a few weeks ago when I was teetering with guilt and grief from having my pup put down for aggression.  I feel your pain, my heart breaks for you because I know what you are going through, so many here know.  Forgiveness and warm memories will come when you allow them to.  My very best to you. 

"To all of you, all of us, who have suffered the loss of a dear pet, know that you did all that you could do.  We have no control over some things, no matter how hard we try.  I see so much grief here, but I also see so much honest love for animals that it eases my own pain a little bit.  Even in this crazy world, know that each and every one of you has made a difference in a dear animal's life."  ♥
Murphy22

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Posts: 1,982
 #3 
Many dogs, even small dogs too love to jump up on the couch, the bed, into your lap and then down are all prone to breaking a leg and hurting their backs.  And poor luigi is of a breed with long thin legs and prone to it too.  It sounds like it just became so fragile after the first break, it easily broke again and again.  If it broke with even colliding with a child it sounds like it could happen anywhere, stairs or no stairs.  You were trying to give him a good life, enjoying the park and doing fun "doggie" activities.  How could you know even stairs would be a danger.  These are all just every day things in our life we all live with.

You loved him with all your heart and he knew nothing but your love and his wonderful home every day of his life.  So many never experience even one day of that life.  Cherish your memories and know he loves you dearly for being a wonderful mommy to him.
Sandie

Darian

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Posts: 282
 #4 

Noone here is going to tell you that it's your fault.  Dogs were made to run. Especially breeds like Italian greyhounds.  His instinct told him to run, jump and play.  There's nothing wrong with that.  If you read someone else's post and it said " I'm terrible,  why did I take him to the park?"  you would reply,  as we are,  "because he's a dog and dogs love the park!"   It's the most natural place in the world to take a dog.  Please try to ease up on yourself.  When dogs have bad genes and are in constant pain it is up to us to make the heart-wrenching decision to ease their pain.  You were just being a good Mom.   You knew it was the right thing to do at the time because his suffering was so fresh in your mind.  Now that he's gone it's tougher because you miss him and the "what ifs"  set in.     Luigi loves you and wants you to be happy. 

MegansMum

Registered:
Posts: 72
 #5 
I remember so well being in the awful place you are at now. I felt so guilty for letting Megan free near the road (it is rural here and 90% of the dogs are free) where she would be hit by a car and have her back legs paralysed. Looking back it is easy to say I should have had her chained up or left her at home all day and only brought her out on a lead, but with time, I have understood that I never could have done that. The life she lead made her the "person" she was, she was the happiest sweetest most content dog I have ever known or could even imagine. I also watched the mental video of her last hours and heard her cries of pain many many times after she passed. Now I look at her photos and try to watch my mental videos of the good and funny times instead, it does help.

The guilt will ease. Noone here will say it was your fault, it was not. An accident happened, and you could not have control of that.

Claire xx
rottiesrule

Registered:
Posts: 596
 #6 
IT IS NOT YOR FAULT! Keep repeating that. You did everything humanly possible for Luigi. We cannot control the universe. We cannot control every move someone we love makes. We cannot control the outcome of every accident.

Luigi was a happy boy, living with the person he loved best. And you did everything to make sure he had the best life. Don't second guess yourself. And the guilt will cloud your happy memories of Luigi. Forgive yourself, love yourself as much as Luigi loved you. Remember the good days, the fun, the love he felt for you.

Be gentle with yourself. Alot of people wouldn't have done for Luigi what you did. He taught you how to love him, take those lessons and love yourself the way he did.
cbergamin

Registered:
Posts: 22
 #7 

Thank you so much – all of your replies really made me cry. I am so thankful for all of your kind words. Darian you’re right – if someone else posted something saying “why did I take him to the park” I would have said it’s because dogs love the park and they should be able to enjoy themselves there. All of what you all said really makes sense. I guess I am just missing him so much and all of the ‘what ifs’ are going through my mind. It’s just a really tough time for me – the hardest time of my life. I feel like I don’t have a family anymore. We are now just a couple with a dog. I miss saying ‘the boys’. I can’t wait for the day that I can remember and cherish all of the wonderful, fun, beautiful times that Luigi and I shared. There was a hell of a lot of them because we spent so much time together during his short life. I don’t even know how to reply to you all because your words make me so emotional and I can’t think straight but do know that the support that I am getting from everyone here means the world to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you... x

Mare

Registered:
Posts: 11,059
 #8 
It is so hard to forgive ourselves for what we think we did wrong.  Losing a pet is so painful and when we think we didn't do enough, well, that makes it so much worse.  Many of us have been down that road and it really is a dead end.  Everyone at this site loved their babies with every beat of their heart and did everything within their means and knowledge to care for them.  Luigi knows you were always there for him.  In time, you won't dwell on the negative but cherish all the sweet and loving memories of Luigi.

Mare
precious Christoph ~ my baby forever ~

cbergamin

Registered:
Posts: 22
 #9 

I so look forward to the day that all I do is cherish the sweet and loving memories of Luigi. Thanks Mare.

Darian

Registered:
Posts: 282
 #10 
Oh my Lord how I miss saying "the boys"  too.   It was always "the boys" this and "the boys" that.  Miss it so much.  I found an old to-do list last week that said "buy the boys their treats" and cried.  I know exactly what you mean.  One day when we're ready to get another it will be a boy for sure and I hope we can recapture that.   It's hard to imagine getting it back but I know there's hope for unhindered happiness in all of our futures.
LizD

Registered:
Posts: 80
 #11 

I think you sound like a VERY sweet, compassionate and caring person and Luigi was SO VERY FORTUNATE to have YOU as his mom. NO one and I mean NO ONE could have given him a better life.  I don;t think it is just random accidents with which pets we get paired up with. :) You were the best thing he could have ever had.....and he knew it!  xoxo

cbergamin

Registered:
Posts: 22
 #12 

LizD - you have made me cry again! Thank goodness for all of you and your support. Luigi would have loved you all... x

sealcandy

Registered:
Posts: 75
 #13 
You were a very good mom. You gave him the chance to truely be a dog. Dogs don't want to be confined, they want to run and jump and play. You have no control over what happens in this world. I am still trying to learn from my own words.

I know he loved you and always will and will be waiting at the Rainbow bridge for you because you were the best he could have had.

Take comfort in the fact that you will be reunited with him at the bridge, this I truely believe.

Mom Seal (Candygirls mom)
cbergamin

Registered:
Posts: 22
 #14 

Mom Seal - thank you for your note. I really do hope you are right and that he is waiting for me at Rainbow Bridge. I hope he's running around on 4 strong legs with lots of puppies and eating lots and lots of treats!

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